


Empty Lungs

by rarsa_black



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angel Park Jimin (BTS), Angst, Cancer, Cute Kim Taehyung | V, Everyone Loves Kim Taehyung | V, Grumpy Min Yoongi | Suga, Hurt Kim Taehyung | V, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Jeon Jungkook Is Bad at Feelings, Jeon Jungkook Is a Brat, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope Is a Sweetheart, Kim Namjoon | RM Is So Done, Kim Seokjin | Jin Being a Mom, Kim Seokjin | Jin is So Done, Kim Taehyung | V & Park Jimin Are Best Friends, Kim Taehyung | V Is a Little Shit, Kim Taehyung | V-centric, M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Bad at Feelings, Park Jimin (BTS) Is a Good Friend, Sick Character, Sick Kim Taehyung | V, Soft Min Yoongi | Suga, Sweet Kim Seokjin | Jin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2019-07-30 01:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16275944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarsa_black/pseuds/rarsa_black
Summary: Maybe Taehyung should have said something. Perhaps if he had sat down with them and just told the other members the truth, told them what was going on, things would have been different. Telling the others would have made things easier. Letting them know that he was running out of time would have solved his problem. Maybe then, when they knew how little time he had, they would have spent it together. They would have savoured their last moments as a complete family filling what short time they had with good memories and laughter. However, he said nothing, Taehyung kept the secret, and now he was paying the price. Here he was, alone in an overly white hospital room with overly sweet nurses fuzzing over him instead of being surrounded by his family. Is it too late to regret his choices?





	1. A Cough

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I'm pretty new to BTS so please be gentle, I hope you like this first chapter. A simple warning though, this is filled with angst! There is no specific ship for this fic yet, I know for sure it's taehyung with one of the other members. Still can't pick so we'll see how it goes, enjoy!

Taehyung couldn't trace his annoying cough to a specific beginning. He doesn't remember having a cold or being ill when it started. In the beginning, it wasn't so irritating. He randomly coughed throughout the day. Little harmless coughs here and there. Somehow it became more violent and frequent. Going from usual coughs to wet with spit and phlegmy coughs. Still, it wasn't as bothersome as the rest thought it would be. Taehyung was fine with coughing; he could live with it. His throat didn't hurt much, but his voice became huskier. The fans seemed to love it and so did his band members. Tae-Hyung couldn't find it bothersome when so many were enjoying the outcome. Toward some point, however, it became painful. One cough was enough to start a never-ending coughing fit. At this level, they weren't as wet but slightly dry, and if he coughed hard enough, Tae-Hyung could taste the foul taste of iron. Sometimes they knock all the breath out of his lungs, and he feels as if he was suffocating, but suddenly it would stop, and Tae-Hyung would be left gasping for air.

  
"That is one irritating cough you got there, Tae," Namjoon said with concern filled eyes. He had noticed for a while now the annoying cough that doesn't seem to go away.

  
They were all sitting in the living room hanging out. Namjoon, Jin and Yoongi were talking casually between themselves half paying attention to the game show on TV. While on the other hand, Hoseok, Jimin, Tae-Hyung and Jungkook were playing Monopoly on the floor when they were interrupted by one of Taehyungs coughing fit.

  
"Yeah, you should see a Doctor for that. Its been a very persistent cough, it won't stop." Jimin agreed while buying himself a hotel and proudly setting it on his property.

  
Picking up the dice and throwing it, Tae-Hyung brushed them off. "Its nothing, you worry too much," he said moving the metal dog four steps forward only to stop at Jimins' newly built hotel property. Tae-Hyung groaned in frustration bitterly paying Jimin his rent.

  
"Try drinking ginger and lemon; I've read somewhere in a magazine that if you boil fresh ginger, lemon skin and honey then drink it the coughing stops. We should try that." Jin recalled.

  
"Yeah, yeah. Some other time." came Taehyungs half-hearted reply.

  
The conversation died down, and everyone let the subject be going back to what they were doing. The members went on like that, the youngers yelling at each other and accusing one another of cheating while the elders talked among themselves, occasionally breaking up a silly fight or joining in. The little group of friends were having fun, enjoying themselves in this rare moments of free time.

  
"Hey! You cheater, its-" Taehyung didn't get to finish his sentence when a violent wave of coughing fit took over him. He covered his mouth with a napkin coughing non-stop. Taehyung had to leave the room due to the infested coughing fit. He couldn't breathe. There was not a single moment for him to catch his breath as each cough was accompanied with another. Taehyung couldn't stay and endure the worried looks he received from the members; he didn't want to trouble them.

 

He went for the kitchen still coughing hoping a glass of water might help. Taehyung ignored the ' _are you okay_?' Thrown his way, waving the members off and disappearing into the kitchen. Once in there, Taehyung removed the napkin from his mouth so he could pour himself some water. To his shock, he found it bloodied.

  
Taehyung froze, watched with wide eyes the red patch on the napkin. He recognised the nasty taste of iron in his mouth and deep in his throat. The shock and fear he felt were enough to stop the coughing. But it only served to worry him a little.

  
"Taehyung?"

  
Taehyung jumped, quickly wiping his mouth and crumpling the napkin in his fist. He turned around to face Yoongi; the older took him by surprise. Jin was the most likely from the group to follow him and check if he was alright.

  
Yoongi stood by the door leaning against it trying to mask the worry he felt, but Taehyung was fast to pick it up. The sweet gesture wormed his heart. He couldn't help but smile softly at the older boy.

"I'm fine, hyung — just a little tired. I think I'll head to bed. Mind taking my place in the game? I don't want to ruin the night for you guys." Taehyung asked sweetly. He didn't want to worry anyone, but he felt overwhelmed with his little discovery and doesn't feel like being with his friends all of a sudden.

  
"Yeah, sure. You get some rest; I'll tell the others you went to sleep." Yoongi said relaxing visibly a little.

  
"Thank you hyung, goodnight."

With a smile, Taetyung left throwing the napkin in the trash can on his way. Yoongi watched him go with a sigh, _that boy should be more serious about his health_ he thought to himself. Now that he got himself stuck into finishing the game on Taehyung behalf Yoongi got himself a drink in preparation. He opened the beer and while throwing away the cover something red caught his eye. It wasn't hard to figure out what it was or to whom the bloodied napkin belonged. Yoongi stared at it blankly before leaving.


	2. Skinny Jeans

Two weeks passed, and the bloodied napkin incident didn't repeat itself, to Taehyungs relief. He's been so anxious and alert throughout the entire time. A tissue was always in his hand ready to cover his mouth when he coughed. Taehyung would give the rest of the members his back and secretly steal glances at the kleenex making sure it didn't have a drop of blood.

  
He wasn't one to worry much, at least not about himself. Nevertheless, Taehyung was aware how serious coughing blood is. That's why he's been so careful, especially around his friends. He didn't want to trouble them; it might turn out to be nothing.

  
Ultimately, after two weeks of mentoring his coughs, Taehyung concluded it was a one-time thing, it didn't happen again, so he brushed it off. He might have coughed too hard and scratched his throat or something, no big deal. _It's nothing serious_ , Taehyung told himself.

  
His coughs went to normal, or per se the usual dry coughs. Somehow, they became less violent, and Jin completely believes its because of that drink he forced Taehyung to drink. For the last week has been walking around looking pleased with himself serving Taehyung a cup every day with breakfast. Taehyung was grateful for that; his Hyung is so caring!

  
The past two weeks were as stressful to Yoongi as it was for Taehyung. He was worried, how could he not be? Something could be seriously wrong with Taehyung and being the reckless boy he is; he would dismiss it without a thought. Therefore, Yoongi took it upon himself to keep an eye on Taehyung. Secretly shadowing the younger boy, inspecting every tissue he used, counting the times he coughs per day and the length of his coughing fits.

  
He had researched reasons for coughing up blood and made a list of all the possible illnesses. Yoongi made sure to look up every symptom of those diseases and check whether Taehyung had it or not. Coughing blood is a serious matter, he wished Taehyung realised that. None of the symptoms matched Taehyung, and for that, Yoongi was thankful. However, it didn't stop him from being attentive.

  
Through his examination, Yoongi only found recovery. He noticed the lack of blood and roughness in Taehyung coughs and began questioning himself. Had he seen the blood? Yoongi might have imagined it right? A trick of the light, maybe? His worries came to an end when days passed, and Taehyung was doing better. Perhaps he overreacted a little.

 

"I'm bored, let's go out!" Hoseok whined. He was currently laying on the couch upside down. His head was touching the floor while his legs were up. Hoseok moved them around for amusement, creating a v shape screaming his love for Taehyung and making pedalling motions with his legs. He was bored out of his mind.

  
"Stop whining; you'll give me a headache." Yoongi scolded him without looking up from his phone.

  
"I'm kinda bored too," Jimin confessed from his place on the floor. He was watching Taehyung and Jungkook playing Mario Cart; it was fun at first, but he soon lost interest.

  
"Why don't we go out?" Jin suggested. He was sitting on the dining table taking care of some emails, but he also grew tired and wanted to do something fun instead. Jin stood up and stretched his body moving to sit next to Yoongi.

 

"Where do you want to go, hyung?" Hoseok asked adjusting himself in a sitting position. Jimin was quick to join him on the couch interested in the topic.

  
"I don't know; we could go get some ice cream or something?" Jin proposed.

"Ice cream sounds great." Jimin agreed.

"Or the arcade?" Taehyung jumped in.

"Shut up, you guys been playing all day. let's go out for a treat." Jimin complained.

"Hey, it's fun, don't judge!" Taehyung defended himself.

"Ice cream does sound better, TeaTea," Jungkook said sheepishly.

"Traitor!" Taehyung stuck his tongue out at the younger boy.

"Now, now be nice Taehyung." Hoseok teased ruffling his hair.

"Hyung, my hair!" Taehyung cried shielding his head from Hoseok wondering hands. He giggled as the older boy messed with him, trying to mess up his hair even more.

"Okay, its settled then. We'll get some ice cream. Whoever wants to come, get dressed!" Jin called out ignoring Hoseok and Tae-Hyung, already leaving so he could get dressed.

"Will Namjoon hyung join us?" Jungkook asked no one in particular.

"I don't think so; he's in the studio for the day." Yoongi replayed, focused on his phone.

"What a shame," Taehyung sighed.

  
They all went to their rooms to change and agreed to meet up in the living room in 15 minutes (enough time for Jimin to get ready)

Taehyung entered his and Namjoon's bedroom picking up what to wear for their outing. He frowned at his reflection when he was done. Taehyun's jeans lay dangerously low on his hips, a little more and they would fall off. Brushing it off, he went for another pair of jeans only for the same to happen. Taehyung was confused; they fitted him a week ago. Still, he didn't think much of it.

He went searching for the skinniest pair of jeans he owned. Once he found them, Taehyung tried them on. The jeans fitted him; they were a bit baggy at the end and was low at his hips but not as much.

Taehyung couldn't believe it, less than a month ago he had trouble getting into those jeans, they were so skinny and painful to walk in he stopped wairing them. God, when did he lose so much weight? How come he didn't notice it before?

  
Things are bizarre these days. First coughing blood, now losing weight in so little time. Should he be worried? Tae-Hyung didn't know. What he did know is he needed to go shopping, for sure.

  
Choosing to ignore all of this, he settled with wearing a belt. Taehyung had to make it the tightest he could so the jeans would fit. He continued getting ready as quickly as he could, he had little time left. Taehyung styled his hair and wore his shows all while trying his hardest not to find it disturbing.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? Don't be shy; I'd like to know what do you want to see, which ship you are hoping to end up with? Be vocal!


	3. Melted Ice Cream

"Tae,"

"Tae,"

"Taehyung!" Jimin yelled giving the youngers shoulder a firm shake.

Taehyungs snapped out of his trance, looked at Jimin confused. Did he do something wrong?

"Your ice cream is melting, TaeTae." the older boy said, looking at him worriedly.

Taehyung glanced down at the ice cream cone. The strawberry ice cream he ordered was half melted dripping down his hand and into the ground.

"Oh," he said startled. How did he not feel that?

Taehyung stared at it blankly, feeling weird. Several different emotions twirled in his heart like a tornado, moving in circles with no ends or beginnings. He was disoriented, scared, unsettled and bothered. He felt weird, nothing like himself mentally or physically.

"Are you okay, Taehyungs hyung?" Jungkook asked sharing a concerned look with Jimin. Ever since they left the house, Taehyung hasn't been himself at all. He was quiet and distant. The only normal thing he did so far was coughing, and that wasn't normal.

"I'm fine," he assured the younger with a smile.

Taehyung looked back at the ice cream and sighed. He lost his appetite. Careful not to make a bigger mess than the one he already made, Tae-Hyung walked quickly to the trash and disposed of melted ice cream. He did quick work of cleaning his hand with the tissue he had and kindly accepting Jin's wet wipes offer. That man always comes prepared.

  
"Do you want another one Tae?" Jimin asked.

"Yes, I could go back and bring you one Tae!" Jungkook offered.

After buying some ice cream, the group decided to take a walk around. Surprisingly, no one recognised them, or if they did, no one bothered them. They strolled aimlessly enjoying their ice cream and their time. Well, all of them expect Taehyung whos been in his own world for some time now.

"No, no. It's fine, I lost my appetite, honestly." Taehyung declined apologetically.

Jimin and Jungkook both watched as Taehyung walked away ahead of the rest of the group. He kept his distance, a clear message to everyone not to bother him. They exchange looks of concern. Both of them could see something was wrong but had no idea what is or how to fix it.

  
"I'm worried about him, hyung," Jungkook whispered his eyes never leaving Taehyungs moving figure.

  
"Yeah, me too. He was fine before we left. Now he's sad." Jimin whispered back.

  
"But why?" Jungkook questioned frustrated. He couldn't find a reason why Taehyung would be sad all of a sudden.

  
"I don't know, Kook. Sometimes people don't need a reason to be sad, they simply are." Jimin replayed with a sigh.

  
Jungkook frowned, not liking the answer he got. He looked at Jimin, the three elders and then Taehyung. He thought about his boxy smile, his adorable laugh and his overall silliness.

"I don't think Taehyung is sad, at least not always. He's just feeling a little down at the moment, that's all." Jungkook said.

Jimin smiled at the younger and ruffled his hair.

"You're right, Don't worry about it. I'm sure Taehyung will be back to his usual self, tomorrow." Jimin said positively.

  
"Hey, you two! Hurry up grandpas, or you'll get separated from the group." Hoseok shouted at them teasingly.

Without realising, Jimin and Jungkook stopped walking while they were talking and almost got left behind.

"Hey, who are you calling grandpa?" Jimin barked.

"Who else other than you, shorty?" Hoseok laughed as he ran away from a pissed of Jimin.

Jungkook, Jin and Yoongi all smiled as they watched the two run around playing with one another. Eventually, Jimin caught up to Hoseok and gave him a well-deserved smack on the head.

"Hey, is Taehyung all right?" Jin asked suddenly.

Yoongi sighed as an answer. He didn't know. He spent the last two weeks trying to find a resolution to this mystery. Yoongi looked at the younger boy in question, his figure far away from them and sighed some more.

"He's fine." Jungkook finally said killing the silence. "He's just lost in his little world. You know Taehyung."

Jin nodded, he did know Taehyung. He knew that from time to time he gets quiet, a little depressed and a little more distant. He always snaps out of it. But somehow, this, whatever he is going through is different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? I know its short, I'm sorry. I'll tray making longer chapters in the future. But longer chapters take time to write, and I just want to get this story going for now before diving into the drama and stuff.


	4. Tazza

When the group finally got home, after a long walk. They found Namjoon setting in the living room with the TV on just about to start a movie. He looked at them and smiled welcoming the members back home.

"Hey," he said with a small wave.

"Hey, how was work?" Yoongi asked looking up from his phone.

"Going somewhere." Namjoon laughed. He was a bit frustrated that he hadn't got anything done. Only managing to start different projects and completing none so far.

"Hmm," Yoongi replayed losing interest in the conversation and focusing on his phone.

"What are you watching?" Jimin asked already sitting next to the older boy.

"Tazza." Namjoon replayed smiling at Yoongi's direction. He continued his work of setting everything up and adjusting the volume.

"Did someone say Tazza?" Yoongi piped up not engrossed in his phone anymore. It was his favourite movie, and no matter how many times he watched it, he never got tired of it.

"Yeah, we're about to watch it," Hoseok said moving to sit next to Jimin.

"I want to watch too, move over." Yoongi nudged Hoseok so he could sit in between Jimin and Hoseok. Hoseok whined but moved nevertheless. Yoongi made himself constable between them. Then proceeded to lean on Hoseok a little placing his head on the youngers shoulder.

"I'll go make some popcorn; you can start the movie," Jin announced as he disappeared into the kitchen.

"Thank you, hyung!" Jungkook called setting next Nam Joon and snuggling into him.

"Bring me a drink!" Yoongi yelled. Then quickly added 'please' when Namjoon reached his arms out and hit him in the head.

They all sat together on the couch almost cuddling as the movie started — every two or three sharing a blanket, leaning into on another already engaged in the film.

"Tae, come sit next to me!" Namjoon called making space for him to sit in between himself and Jimin. Taehyung shook his head smiling apologetically.

"Sorry hyung, I think I'll go take a shower first then go to bed. You guys enjoy the movie."

"Okay, but, don't stay in hot water for too long. You get light-headed." Namjoon warned. Recalling the time he had to carry a passed out Tae-Hyung from the shower.

"I won't, promise." Taehyung replayed with a boxy smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Namjoon missed it, but Hoseok didn't. He frowned at Taehyung as he disappeared from view. He couldn't help but wonder if there was something wrong with the younger boy.

Taehyung stopped at the kitchen before taking a shower wanting to offer a hand to his eldest hyung. He found Jin in front of the microwave, waiting patiently for it to beep.

"Do you need help, hyung?" Taehyung asked. He was leaning on the kitchen door, arms crossed in front of his chest with a gentle smile on his face.

"Tae-Hyung? What are you doing? The movie started. I'll be there in a minute." Jin said shooing him so he could watch with the rest of the group.

"It's fine, Jin hyung. I'm not going to watch the movie. I'm going to take a shower. Why don't you sit with them, and I'll bring you guys popcorn." Taehyung offered with a sweet smile.

"Are you sure?" Jin asked hesitantly. He was considering the offer.

"Yeah, go enjoy the movie. I won't burn the kitchen down, don't worry. It's just popcorn. What could go wrong?"

"Everything!" Jin insisted sarcastically. He laughed at Taehyung fake hurt expression. Jin patted his head in affection.

"Hyung!" Taehyung whined at the insult. He handed Jin a drink for Yoongi then kicked him out of the kitchen. Taehyung waited for the microwave timer to stop and for the popcorn to finish. When they did, he emptied the bag into two containers and took them to the others.

"Here you go, guys," Taehyung said handing over a bowl of popcorn to Nam Joon and another to Jin.

"Thank you, TaeTae!" Hoseok replayed smiling.

"No problem. Do you want anything else?" Taehyung asked.

Mumbles of 'no' and 'thanks' were heard as they were all invested in the movie as if watching it for the first time. Taehyung smiled at their action; it was adorable. He wished they could stay like this forever; young, free and invested in gangster movies.

Slowly, Taehyung made his way up to Namjoon and his room. He sighed upon entering letting his walls down. The cheerful mask he wore for the day, or, tried to fell revealing expressions full of worry and anxiety.

Taehyung hated being oblivious, but right now he was nothing but that. Confused, uninformed and scared is all he felt. Something was wrong, that much Taehyung has established. What exactly is wrong? Taehyung is yet to discover.

  
He was sick, or perhaps he was obsessed. Maybe he imagined the whole thing up, Taehyung was so scared of being sick, seriously ill that his mind started creating this whole thing up. It could be the case. Or maybe, Taehyung was so frightened of it becoming true; he didn't notice till now?

  
Taehyung huffed, more confused than ever. Mayhap he was overthinking. Ignoring all of this, he stripped down his clothes so he could take a shower. When he reached his boxers, Taehyung caught his reflection in the mirror. He couldn't help but stare.

  
Slowly and tenderly he ran his hands over the exposed area of his stomach and ribs. Taehyung could feel every bone clearly it was frightening. His ribs were not sticking out just yet, but they were on the edge of being visible. A couple more Kg and he'll be dangerously underweight. _I need to bring my weight up_ , Taehyung thought to himself, _before the others notice_. He sighed, how is going to do that? Lately, Taehyung had no appetite for food. Even his favourite dishes couldn't escape his loss of appetite.

Starting tomorrow, Taehyung will stuff his face with food, healthy or not, till his weight goes back to normal. However, he needs to be discreet about it, or else the members will definitely catch on to him. They all so attentive and caring towards each other, they will, for sure figure out something is wrong with him. When they do, Taehyung was confident they'd be worried sick about him, and he didn't want to trouble them. They have their plates full as it is, Taehyung didn't want to add to it.

  
Taehyung groaned, head hurting from overthinking. He was tired and anxious it started to take a toll on him. Deciding to take a bath instead, Taehyung filled the tub with hot water. He sat inside while the tub was filling in and observed the water as it covered his body bit by bit. A lowing himself to relax, Taehyung threw his head back and closed his eyes slowly being lulled to sleep by the sound of running water.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? I'd love to know what you guys think of the story so far. Is there something you'd like to happen? Any requests? I'll take it into consideration. Oh and btw, if anything sounds funny, I'm sorry English is not my first language!


	5. Fashion Line

"Is he alright?" Namjoon wondered eyes not leaving the screen.

A good part of the film had already played out when the leader decided to voice his worries. An intense fight scene was happening, and everyone was so mesmerised by the wild stunts the actors were performing. However, Namjoon couldn't pay attention to the movie anymore. His mind kept wandering off to Teahyung and how 'off' the younger seemed.

  
The atmosphere changed around the room. It went from relaxed to tense painfully fast Namjoon almost regretted saying anything. The soft pile of bodies they created grew stiff and hard from tension.

Yoongi sighed throwing his head back. He covered his face with both of his hands and groaned as an answer. Namjoon didn't know what to make of it. The rest stayed silent. They were all thinking about it, worrying sick about the second youngest member. They all wanted someone to reassure them that Teahyung was fine.

Hoseok opened his mouth to say something, anything to ease the leader's worries but closed his mouth shut without as much as a syllable coming out. How could he tell the younger Teahyung was fine when he himself was worried something is wrong? Hoseok couldn't lie no matter how badly he wanted to comfort his friends.

  
The movie was long forgotten as a painful silence took over them. No one dared to say a word. Namjoon looked around him taking in the worries expression his brothers wore. He looked at their tense shoulders, and worn appearance and was struck by how pressing the situation is. Was he the last to catch on? Why did no one say anything?

Namjoon was angry with himself for not noticing and slightly irritated with the others for not filling him in on what's happening. What happened to ' _no secrets_ ' rule? He was about to leave, suddenly having a strong urge to look at Taehyung, to reassure himself he was there, healthy when someone broke the silence.

  
"I think he is fine. He's just being...." Jungkook stopped looking for a word to describe what Taehyung is going through "Well, Taehyung is just being Taehyung." the youngest finished, smiling softly.

  
The others looked at him, not quite believing Taehyung was himself at all.

"Come on," Jungkook whined, playfully hitting the closest person to him which happened to be Jin (the older hit him back) "You all know him! V hyung gets quiet sometimes, distant even. He merely needs some alone time." he reassured.

"Yeah," Hoseok noded relieved to find anything to ease his worries. "Remember the time he spent nearly a month being wired and out of character. Tae was quiet and very distant then too, he was always lost in thought."

  
"Yes," Jimin giggled "I remember that time. We were so worried back then!"

  
"For nothing!" Jungkook snorted, "He was only thinking about pursuing an acting career. I still get frustrated thinking about it. Can't believe was mostly ignored for a month because he was considering acting!"

Jungkook smiled when he heard Yoongis' chuckle. The tension level dropped down, he was grateful.

  
"He did the same with 4 o'clock," Namjoon added. He recalled the time V locked himself in their room for two days straight only leaving for the bathroom. They were worried about him too then. It turns out Taehyung was just writing a song.

  
"What do you think he is thinking about now?" Hoseok asked.

"I wouldn't put it past Tae is thinking about starting his own fashion line," Jimin said making the other laugh.

"That is so Taehyung!" Jungkook agreed.

"Nah, he looks too sad to be thinking about something like that. It must be serious." Yoongi said. As much as he hated saying it, it was still the truth.

Their smiles dropped, and the atmosphere regained its thickness. They weres o close to believing everything was fine. Science arose as every member lost himself in his thoughts.

After a while of quietness, Jimin was first to speak.

"You don't think he is considering quitting, do you?" He asked in a small and scared voice.

"NO!" they all jumped.

"No offence to any of you but Taehyung is the last one to think about leaving BTS!" Namjoon said confidently.

"I agree," Yoongi stated.

"What do you think it is then?" Jungkook asked.

No one said anything. The group sat quietly, eyes looking at the TV screen but not paying attention. _What could it be_? The question echoed in their heads as a million thought spun in their mind like a tornado. They tried to imagine what could Tae be thinking. Why is he so lost in his world? The movie credit was rolling when for the first time Jin said something.

  
"I think," he said looking at the ceiling "We're all desperate for him to be alright that we won't acknowledge what is happening-" he stopped taking in a shaky breath "I don't believe that he is 'thinking' its different this time and he doesn't look sad to me either."

"What do you mean?" Jimin queried.

"Tae-Hyung looks-" his voice broke "He looks scared, no, terrified and anxious like he's dreading something."

  
Now that Jin pointed it out for them the other members could see it. How could they have missed it? It was undeniable, but they had mistaken it for sadness. They felt stupid.

"We should talk about it later, for now, keep an eye on him. it might be nothing after all." Namjoon said seeing the tears gathering in Jimin eyes. He didn't want the other members to worry themselves sick, they all tend to get overprotective and very emotional when it comes to one another. They nodded, some leaving to head to bed and others (Jin and Namjoon) staying behind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know that was one shitty chapter, sorry. Next one will have alot of drama, stay toned!


	6. Water Puddles

"Come on, that's enough for the night." Nam Joon said closing Jins laptop earning a whine of protest from the older boy.

"No, noooo. I still have six emails to respond to!" Jin argued trying to open the laptop again but failed due to Nam Joon firm hand that's holding it close.

After everyone else went to bed, Nam Joon and Jin both stayed behind doing their own thing. Jin retired to his seat on the dining table once again sorting out the emails. On the other hand, Nam Joon sat on the couch with a notebook and a pen in hand squeezing his head for lyrics. Every now and then he'll change his setting position, his movement briefly distracting Jin. Every time the older looks up he is met with their leader in a different spot. Sometimes cross-legged on the couch, laying down, laying upside down and if he were really frustrated, he'd pace around the room. It always managed to make the older smile fondly.

  
It was 1:26 AM at the moment, god knows how the time passed so fast without them noticing. They had practice early morning tomorrow, they should definitely go to bed. Jin knew that, usually, he's the one nagging everyone else to go to sleep early, but he really wanted to be done with sorting out the emails for good. They've been at the back of his head, always making him worried.

"You can sort them out tomorrow after practice, okay?" Nam Joon reasoned pulling Jin from his seat and dragging him towards the stairs.

"Fine, fine. I can walk on my own." Jin huffed pulling his hands away from Nam Joons grasp. They walked next to each other up the stairs and to their rooms while maintaining small talk.

"Ugh, I don't feel like practising at all. I want a break!" Nam Joon whined stretching out his body with a groan and accidentally hitting Jin's head.

"Ya!" The older boy snapped glaring daggers at, the younger. However, his eyes quickly softened upon seeing Nam Joon's apologetic smile and his cute dimples that comes with it.

"I know what you mean, I don't feel like doing anything for a long time. But you know-" Jin sighed "-we can't afford to be lazy."

"I know," Nam Joon agreed, dropping his head in disappointment. They finally made it, _**big**_ , they can't slack off now.

"That kid," Jin groaned eyes fixed on their leader and second youngest member room and the light that's coming from inside.

Nam Joon looked up confused, what kid? He thought. Following his hyung eyes, he frowned when he understood.

"He'll be a nightmare to wake up tomorrow," Jin cried giving Nam Joon a sympathetic look, knowing he'll have to deal with Taehyung in the morning.

"That boy never listens!" Nam Joon huffed frustrated "How many times have I told him not to stay up playing video games!" He walked faster ready to give Taehyung yet another lecture on why he shouldn't stay up late.

"Hey, hey," Jin called to the younger hands ready to open his bedroom door "Let the kid be, Joon. Let him have some fun, god knows he needs it. Don't be tough on him." He walked in without waiting for a replay leaving the younger even more frustrated.

Nam Joon sighed deciding against scolding V and just send him to bed. He reached their shared room opening the door and walking in. "Okay, that's it, tim-" he stopped mid-sentence having stepped on something wet, looking down he found a puddle of water "Ah! You don't have to give the whole room a shower with you!" Nam Joon snapped.

He looked up expecting to find Tae in front of the computer or on his bed with wet hair busy playing on his phone. However, he was met with an empty room. Teahyung was not in front of the computer nor was he on his bed. The only thing on his bed was a fresh set of pyjamas and his annoyingly red boxers.

Nam Joon stood frozen in his spot eyes never leaving Tae clothes on his bed. He sucked in a breath, blinking once, twice then a third time. Nam Joon tried not to think about where his roommate could be. Maybe he was with one of the other members right? He was bored perhaps, or he's cuddling with Jimin, Taehyung does that when he is feeling down sometimes. Tae seldom lays around in his bath rope when he doesn't feel like putting on clothes straight after, that could explain the untouched nightwear. _He could have lost track of time, he always does that_ Nam Joon thought to himself.

Taehyung is out of the shower, the leader told himself. There is water on the floor which means he must have gotten out of the shower. That must be it. Nam Joon turned around, planning to look for the younger in every room just to ease his mind. He couldn't shake the tight knot in his stomach telling him something is wrong. As he was about to leave, Nam Joon picked up the sound of running water coming out of Tae and his shared bathroom. His heart dropped as he prayed silently to God nothing bad happened to Taehyung.

  
With shaking hands, the leader twisted the doorknob dreading what it's hiding behind. His heart was beating fast knocking the breath out of his lungs. Once the door was open a small wave of water made its way out of the bathroom wetting the floor even more. Nam Joon gasped upon seeing Taehyung. He was in the tup face red as the water reached dangerously close to his parted lips, thank god he had his head thrown back. The bathroom was steamy, and the air was thick as hot water kept running overflowing the tub and wetting the marble floor.

  
"Hyung!" Nam Joon found himself screaming at the top of his lungs. He rushed forwards closing the faucet and reached out to lift the passed out Taehyung out of the tub. He hissed in pain when the hot water came in contact with his hands, but he ignored it.

"Taehyung," he called shaking the boy a little to get him to wake up.

"Tae, can you hear me." Nam Joon asked worriedly.

He tried calling Taehyung name repeatedly and slapping his face gently to get some type of response from him, but there was nothing.

"Hyung!" He called back again with urgency.

Nam Joon heard the sound of rushing footsteps. He looked behind him just in time to catch a glimpse of Jin slipping from the wet floor and falling down flat on his back. If not for the circumstances they were in, the younger would be dead from laughing.

"That's not a nice prank." the older moaned out in pain.

"Hyung help!" Nam Joon pleaded. He was freaking out, Taehyung skin was so red the leader feared the younger had burned his skin. Now Nam Joon was no doctor, but he was smart enough to know that the rate of the rise and fall of Taehyung chest was not average, in fact, it was dangerously below normal. _Was he even breathing?_

Jin looked up from his position on the floor. His eyes widened once he took in the situation. He rushed to his feet wincing from the pain and breathing hard from worry. Jin was about to walk in when the other members gathered at Nam Joon's and Taehyungs bedroom door. "Watch out for the water," was all he said before disappearing from their view and into the bathroom.

  
Quickly he grabbed a towel ready to cover Taehyung emerging naked body. Nam Joon and Jin locked eyes, nodding to one another as a signal. Nam Joon lifted Taehyung body entirely out of the tub everting his eyes away while Jin blindly covered his body with a towel all while ignoring the questions thrown their way by the members. As Nam Joon delicately carried Tae out of the bathroom carefully avoiding slipping on the water puddle on their bedroom floor, Jin grabbed another towel to dry Taehyungs hair.

  
"What happened?" Yoongi asked. He came out of his room ready to fight whoever dared to disturb his sleep. But upon seeing Taehyung almost lifeless body, his anger turned into worry.

Nam Joon ignored him walking past him and the others to lay Tae on his bed.

"Stop," Jin stopped him "Put him on Jimin's bed," he instructed. Without a word, Nam Joon obeyed leaving the room with Tae and disappearing from view.

Jin took a deep breath, it was time for him to take control as the oldest. He turned around to face the others. Their eyes were filled with worry and fear, Jin was sure his eyes mirrored theirs.

"Yoongi, run to the pharmacy buy any medicine that would help to bring Taehyung temperature down and fast. Hoseok, grab a towel and a bucket of cold water for me. Jungkook, clean this mess, please. I'll send Joon to help you. Jimin, You come with me." Jin said giving everyone a task. He looked at Jimin and signalled for younger to follow him.

  
"Wait!" Hoseok called panicked. "What's wrong with Tae?" He pleaded for an answer.

Jin sighed, closing his eyes "I don't know yet," he hesitated "It looks like he fainted in the bathtub. But it's not like the other times-" Jin took in a breath "-it looks worse, he can barely breathe."

Jin groaned in frustration when he saw his answer worried the members even more.

"Please just do as you are told and let me handle this. He'll be alright." Jin promised walking out of the room with a worried Jimin on his tail.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What do you think? The next chapter will have more drama. I wanted to make the scene into one chapter but it was getting long, and I don't want you guys to get bored. Plus I was getting impatient and wanted to post soon. Anyway, did you like the chapter? Please give me feedback, so I know where to take this fic. Not just that but feedback motivates the writer, please don't forget. And, I wanted to let you know, I have the story out on Wattpad under the same name as well in case you prefer to read there.


	7. Disappointed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said I'll update soon, I honestly had the chapter ready I just needed to wrap it up. Now its 9 days later and I'm only now updated. I'm sorry, don't trust me next time ;)
> 
> Anyway, I know this fic is going slow, but keep in mind that there are 7 boys and this shit is all happening at once it's hard to keep it going. Oh and btw, who saw burn the stage? It was so emotional! 
> 
> Please enjoy!

When Jin and Jimin entered Hoseok and Jimin's shared room, they were met with a helpless looking Nam Joon. Their leader was gazing with misty eyes at Taehyung's unconscious body having a mental breakdown. They all knew Tae has a special place in Nam Joon's heart as he has in the hearts of all the members. He is a precious innocent baby with a golden heart and watching him hurt made all their hearts ache.

"Hey," Jinn called softy taking pity on their traumatized leader. The scene Nam Joon walk into was not pleasant, for sure. The younger turned their way, locking eyes with Jin and Jin saw the pleading and begging his eyes were making. Nam Joon was desperate for someone to tell him Taehyung was alright, and Jin was ready to be that person.

  
"He's going to be alright, okay?" Jin calmly said as if talking to a child "I'll take care of him, don't worry. He'll be alright."

  
Nam Joon took a deep breath nodding his head in acknowledgment. Taehyung is going to be alright; they were overreacting. It wasn't the first time Taehyung fainted in the bath, but Nam Joon will make sure its the last damn time. They have dealt with this before, yet this just feels wrong. Nothing about this time seems familiar. Something isn't right.

  
"Go help Jungkook clean up the mess. If you leave it, they may be a leak later on." Jin continued with his gentle, slow pace tone.

Nam Joon nodded but made no move to leave.

"Its okay hyung, he'll be fine." Jimin smiled softly sensing that right now the person in front of him is non-other than Kim Nam Joon and not RM. At this moment, he was not their leader, but the younger member of the hyung line. He too needed someone to take care of him.

  
"Okay, okay." Nam Joon said speeding out of the room. He couldn't stand seeing Tae like that any longer.

  
Once Nam Joon was out, Jin allowed himself to panic and loss his composure. He hurried to Taehyung side reaching a hand out to feel his temperature. Jin cursed under his breath when he found him burning up. Can someone catch a fever from passing out in the bath? How the hell would he know!

"Okay, okay, focus," Jin told himself "First, grab some boxers so we can get him out of this towel cocoon," he ordered. Whilst Jimin was doing as told; Jin dried Taehyung hair with the small towel he warped around his head earlier.

"Got it!" Jimin called after grabbing one of his own boxers; he couldn't care less at the moment.

"Okay so here is what we are going to do." Jin began "I'll pull the towel us far up as I can while you get both of his feet in the boxers." Jin said already bulling the towel all the way up till Taehyung milky thighs. Instantly, Jimin followed his hyung instructions with shaky hands.

"Now, I'll lift him up a little so you can get the boxers on okay?" Jin said putting both his hands under Tae's back. He lifted Taehyung without waiting for an answer and watched as Jimin made quick work of dressing the younger without exposing his private parts.

  
As soon as the boxers were on, Jin unwarped the towel from around Taehyung and immediately dried the rest of his body with it. When he was done, he tossed the towel to the side leaving Tae in nothing but his boxers.

A small gasp escaped Jimin's lips at the sight. Their eyes studied Taehyung's motionless body. They scanned him up and down taking in every inch of his body. Taehyung was scarcely thin; it made both of the older men uncomfortable.

"He's so-" Jimin's voice wavered "thin,"

Gingerly, with the fear that he may break Taehyung Jimin lightly brushed his hand up the boys' stomach and bony chest. He grimaced when he felt Taehyungs' ribs.

"He looks so small," Jin whispered afraid his loud voice would shatter Tae to pieces.

A moment passed with them being soundless. Both were quietly watching their unconscious friend trying to find an explanation of how Taehyung current weight came about.

"Do you-" Jimin hesitated "do you think Tae has an eating disorder?" he asked voice breaking at the end.

Jin opened his mouth to shut down the idea. He was ready to deny it, Taehyung would never reach that level of self-consciousness. He was confident about his weight. But instead, Jin found himself doubting whether Tae had an eating disorder or not. He had to think about it and for that Jin hated himself. How could he doubt Taehyung?

"No," Jin finally said. He paused, thinking about it some more. Taehyung loved food; he could eat his weight in chocolate and ice cream in one sitting! Of course, he wouldn't have an eating disorder. "No, definitely no," Jin repeated firmly this time.

Jimin looked like he was about to argue however he was interrupted by Hoseok barging in.

"Here," he panted out shoving a steel bowl filled with cold water and ice into Jin's hand. Then, he handed Jimin several small white towels.

The two quickly got to work. They soaked the towels into the cold water and preceded to wipe the sweat covering Taeyhungs' body. Jin and Jimin both worked in silence, too worried to form words while Hoseok stod by the foot of the bed regarding Taehyung.

  
"He needs to eat." Hoseoks' emotionless voice broke the silence. Jin and Jimins' head snapped his way ready to kick him out of the room, but both said nothing when they saw the state their friend was in. J-Hope was staring at Taehyung intensely, his eyes not even blinking. His face was expressionless, and it was clear to them that Hoseok was yet to prosses what's happening.

  
"Jimin, go bring me the thermometer. We need to take his temperature." Jin instructed ignoring what Hoseok said. From the panic, he had acted on impulse and forgot to check whether his temperature was high or not. Moreover, if it was high, did they need to take him to the hospital or could they treat in at home?

Jimin nodded, running out of the room to get the required tool. Jin had half a mind to yell at him for running but thought against it, now was not the time.

  
"Hoseok, do your research. Can someone develop a fever from fainting in the bathtub? I have no idea what I'm doing." Jin confessed, silently pleading the younger to snap out of it and do something.

  
Hoseok ignored him completely; Jin wasn't even sure if the younger heard him. He tried calling out Hoseoks' name a couple more times. Jin even yelled at him but still got no reaction from the raper. Out of frustration, Jin reached for the closest thing to him and threw it at Hoseok which ended up being a tissue box. The box hit him on his lips, and chin then fell to his feet.

"Ouch!" J-Hope flinched covering his lips with his hand. He glared the older, angry.

  
"Finally," Jin huffed glaring back.

"Why the hell did you hit me?" Hoseok snapped. He walked closer to the other male and looked down at him with fiery eyes.

"Watch it," Jin warned, "I'm still older than you." He said not liking the younger boys' tone.

"Then don't throw a fucking tissue box at my face!" The younger growled out.

  
"Then Fucking answer me when I fucking talk to you!" Jin yelled. He scrambled to his feet clenching his hands into tight fists. In the heat of the moment, they both forgot about Taehyung. Anger that seemed to appear from out of nowhere was boiling up in both of them.

"I didn't hear you!" Hoseok said defensively.

"Because you're freaking def!" The older shot back. They were face to face now. Both breathing heavily and staring intensely into each other's eyes.

Jimin chose this moment to walk in. He froze at the door shooked by the sudden change of atmosphere. For a second he doubted if he should say, leave or do anything at all. The thick tension was becoming very uncomfortable for him. Jimin was very confused and curious about what happened but figured it was not the time to ask.

  
"Hyung," He called softly.

"What!" Jin and Hoseok snapped at him in sync.

Jimins' face fell as he looked upset about being yelled at. Realizing what they did, his two hyungs tried apologizing but where cut off by Jimin.

"I got the thermometer." He announced ignoring them both and walked past the two straight to Taehyung side. Jimin gently put the thermometer into the younger boys' mouth and continued doing both his and Jin's abandoned work.

  
Jin sighed rubbing his face with his hands just now realizing that he had left Tae unattentive. He was the older one here; he was the one in control. And as the older one, he should have done a better job at dealing with the situation.

  
"Look," Jin began, his voice softer this time "Either help or leave." He pointed at the door "You standing there and staring at Taehyung while having a mental breakdown does nothing but make me nervous. More than I already am." Jin confessed, "So please if you can't be of use here, go help someone else or sulk somewhere else." the older instructed.

  
Jin turned giving Hoseok his back and resuming his work of cooling Tayhungs' body down. He tried to not feel disappointed with himself or Hoseok; still Jin found it unmanageable. They were both so scared, confused and worried that they took it out on each other. It had long been established that the members could deal with themselves being hurt, sick or sad but could not deal with one of them being so. Now seeing Taehyung, the one with that rarely gets sick (except for a couple of times he passed out in the shower) barely breathing triggered them all.

  
Hosek sighed, "I'm sorry," he said softly ashamed with himself. Jin ignored him completely either too focused on Taehyung or intentionally ignored him out of hurt. Hoseok figured he deserved the latter and chose not to press on the matter. He sat silently on his bed, he wanted to help, but he had no idea what Jin wanted from him. He was too ashamed and embarrassed with himself to ask.

  
"Can he get a fever from fainting in the bathtub?" Jin asked without looking back. Hoseok smiled, even if his hyung couldn't see it, he was grateful. Now down to work, he thought reaching for his laptop.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you guys think about the chapter? Do you have any requests? I'll take them into consideration, no promises though. I planned to make this chapter longer, to just finish with this scene and start the next chapter with a new day but like I said, there is too much happening at the same time it's not fair to squeeze everything in one chapter. I wish the chapter meets your expectation.
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you're all having a beautiful day and in good health. Till next time!!


	8. 39.4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am ashamed to show my face honestly. Its been a while, I guess. You should never trust me when I say I'm updating soon. As a sorry here is a long chapter, enjoy!

Gingerly, Jimin removed the thermometer from between Taehyung parted lips. He frowned, it read 39.4, Tae had a fever. Jimin worriedly glanced at the younger. He took in Taehyungs red flushed cheeks, soft pants and occasional grunt of discomfort. He wished he could take the pain away, but Jimin knew he couldn't. Instead, he ran his hand through his damp hair soothingly massaging Taehyungs scalp.

"Oh, my baby," Jimin whispered lovingly. It broke his heart to see the younger in this state. True Jungkook is the maknae of the group, but to them, Taehyung was everyone's baby boy. Witnessing his distress was painful.

Jimin proceeded to touch Taehyung, providing the younger with the skinship he longs for. He stroke his cheeks tenderly then traced his jawline. Jimin ran his fingertips over Taehyung brows, the bridge of his nose and his temples. He smiled softly to himself. Even in his unconscious state, Taehyung leaned into his touch.

Jimin paused his movement when Jin walked in. The older boy had a new bawl of cold water in hand and a determined expression on his face.

"How high is it?" he asked taking his place next to Jimin. Jin removed the towel placed on Taehyungs forehead dipping it in cold water. He squeezed it, then put back hoping the effort will help bring down the younger high temperature.

“39.4,” Jimin said showing his hyung the thermometer.

“It’s manageable” Hoseok piped in.

Jin shook his head, “Its too high.” He argued. “I think we should take him to the hospital” he admitted.

“It's only dangerous if it reaches 40,” Hoseok stated. He stole a glance of Taehyung, his eyes lingering “We can definitely bring it down.”

“Hobi, We can’t risk it,” Jin replied. He repeated his action of wetting and wringing the towel out then placing it back on Taehyungs forehead.

“If it doesn’t go down then we take him to the hospital,” Hoseok advised.

”That's too risky, ” Jin claimed not liking the idea.

"Hyung, listen to me. I did my research okay," the rapper said "He can't get a fever from passing out in the shower. He'll only be feverish for a whi-"

"This doesn't look feverish to me!" Jin interrupted, quite upset.

"Even if we do nothing it'll drop on its own!"

"Look at him!" Jin said heatedly pointing at the whimpering boy.

"Hyung, I love Taehyung to pieces. Just like you, I'm worried too. I have his best interest in mind, and his health comes first." Hoseok replied "But I think you are overreacting. It's not the first time he faints in the shower. We've dealt with this before. He is slightly feverish, and you are acting like he is dying."

"Does this looks the same to you?" Jin questioned in disbelief.

"Yes and no," Hoseok answered.

"Hyung?" Jimin asked confused.

"Well, he's passed out, like before." Hoseok pointed out, "Slightly feverish, maybe redder than usual. A little out of breath." he listed them on his fingers. "All of which we've dealt with already."

"But?" The younger pushed impatiently.

"But," Hoseok said "Just earlier we were discussing his weird behaviour." he looked at Jin "Hyung," he softly called "We were already worried sick and this," he pointed all around referring to the incident. "Pushed us over the edge. We are overreacting," Hoseok said "you are overreacting." he emphasised.

Jin stood his ground, "I still think we should take him to the hospital."

Hoseok groaned, of course, he wouldn't expect less from the king of headstrongness. It would have been amusing some other day, but at this very moment, his hyung or not, Hoseok would've loved to smack him.

"Hyung," Jimin whined, looking at him with big glassy eyes. He was begging him to make a decision. Whichever of the two, just to pick and do something, take action.

Jin sighed, covering his face and rubbing it with both hands. Was he overreacting? He didn't think so. Could he be blind to his own emotions and motives? At this point, Jin didn't know.

  
"Okay, okay," Jin said defeated "If his temperature drops in the next hour we are not taking him to the hospital. However, if it doesn't then, we will, no argument." he decided "And," Jin looked at Hoseok, "You'll be the one to drive us there and take responsibility if something happens to Taehyung." he added.

"Yeah, okay," Hoseok gulped nervously. It was rare to see this side of Jin. Despite his age, the older was quite playful. Jin joked and teased; he made others laugh and were the last member to be serious about anything. Even if it was needed of him to be serious, it never lasted, and there was always an edge of playfulness to it.

  
Silence took over them. Each one of them was attempting to busy himself with something other than worrying. Jin kept trying to cool Taehyung down. Notwithstanding him insisting on seeking medical help, he was most eager for Hoseok idea too work. Jimin, on the other hand, remained on touching Taehyung. Whether it was to comfort the sick boy or to reassure himself, he wasn't sure. A bit of both, maybe. As for Hoseok, the rapper distracted himself with searching up ways to cool down Taehyung.

"Hyung," Jimin called his fingers tracing invisible constellations on the exposed skin of Taehyungs hips.

"Yes," Jin and Hoseok answered in unison. Sharing a look, they smiled at the sweet moment. Their hearts swelled with affection; it was a habit they had no intentions of quitting.

  
"Could it be," the younger began, uncertain. Jimin took in a breath, closed his eyes and tried to gather his thoughts. "Could it be," he repeated, struggling with his words.

It was evident to both Jin and Hoseok that Jimin was having a hard time expressing himself. For the younger, it was always travailing to share his worries and anxieties with the others. The members knew about this little trait and always made an effort to encourage Jimin whenever he reveals to them the mysteries floating in his head. They made a habit of asking him at random times about whatever on his mind.

  
Reaching out for Jimin, Jin took hold of his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "It's okay, you're alright," he said softly. Their eyes locked and Jin could see the anxiety swirling in Jimins' eyes. The younger smiles sadly at, the older giving his hand a final squeeze of gratitude before letting go.

  
"Could it be," He stopped his voice breaking. Shaking his head Jimin tried again, speaking clearer this time, "Hyung," he begged looking at Jin, "you said Tae looked terrified, worried." Jimin said recalling the conversation they had earlier. "Do you think- could it be that Tae," he swallowed "That Tae was overanxious? Is it possible for him to worry himself sick?" Jimin asked scared of the answer he might get.

His worried were met with silence. The words Jimin said conjured heartbreaking images of Taehyung. They thought of him alone, trapped inside the walls of his body enduring the scrams of his anxieties. Too worried to stomach food or breath suitably. It was a horrible thought to think about.

  
"Come on," Hoseok broke the silence "Of course not." He answered.

It was a possibility; they knew that. The chances of it being true were high, and it pained them to think that their little baby couldn't confide in them. Despite his bubbly and outgoing personality, Taehyung was reticent. He was overprotective of his demons, kept them tight. Taehyung gave the monsters pieces of himself without anyone else noticing. He was fading away, becoming one with the darkness overrunning his soul. There was nothing they could do to save him unless he wanted to be saved. The members had their hands stretched ready to pull him out, to catch him if he fell. But Taehyug wouldn't take it; his hands never made a move to hold theirs.

  
”But it adds up!” Jimin impressed ”Hyung can't you see?” the younger pleaded ”It all adds up” he whispered looking at Taehyung pale form with sad eyes.

  
”Chim, he's fi-”

  
”No, no. Hyung, you are not seeing!” he said interrupting Jin. ”He's been acting weird. He was worried about something- you said so hyung, you did!” Jimin Insisted upsettingly. ”He's feeling down, not eating, losing weight and being quiet.” he listed ”Something is off about it him, and it all adds up.”

  
”Jiminie, ” Hoseok called approaching the panicked boy slowly. Jimin dodged Hoseoks comforting hands, pacing around the room. A flash of hurt rose in the raper's eyes, disappearing, as quickly as it appeared. Silence fell again raising the tension in the air.

"I know him," Jimin said. "I know that you know him too but I _know_ him, I do," he insisted, eyes jumping from Jin to Hoseok and back. "He," Jimin stoped "Taehyung, he struggles more than I do with sharing his troubles, you know, I know, but you don't know to what extent he can take it." the dancer whispered recalling the moments him, and Taehyung shared in the dark where Jimin couldn't see his tears and broken pieces but could feel the youngers' sorrow in his bones. "God," Jimin breathed out, "He doesn't know when to stop."

  
Jimin knew, oh he knew all about Taehyung. The younger keep shoving everything inside till he's drowning in an ocean of all the thoughts in his head. He knew that Taehyung was willing to take all of their worries, major and petty but only give a grain of his own. Whatever he let slip, it was to Jimin, in the dark and in the safety of each other's arms.

  
"Something is wrong," Jimin declared.

"We know, Jimin," Hoseok replied flatly.

"He would've told me," Jimin whispered completely ignoring the older. "If something were bothering him, really bothering him, Taehyung would've let me know." he nodded to himself in agreement. "He's a little shit. He would've given me clues, small hints here and there. Enough to give me an idea but not the whole thing away." he laughed to himself, Taehyung is always so tricky he thought. "And I would've figured it out because I know him." Jimin sniffled, tears gathering in his eyes. With everything going on, he was overwhelmed.

  
"Oh, Chimy, it's okay," Jin said sympathetically.

"No, it's n-"

Yoongi chose that moment to walk in, cutting off the youngers rant. He stood at the door his body shaking with every pant. Yoongis' face was flushed, and he was out of breath from running back and forth from their apartment to the pharmacy. Jimin huffed retrieving to his place beside his best friend and shutting everyone out; they didn't understand. The other three shared a look.

"I got everything," he said a little breathless. Thrusting the two full bags into Jin's hands, he collapsed on the desk chair with a groan. "I'm too old for this," He whined.

"Thanks, Hyung," Hoseok said glad of the subject change Yoongi unknowingly provided them. The older hummed in acknowledgement.

"I think you went a little overboard here, bro." Jin laughed.

"I didn't know what to get so I brought everything that could help," Yoongi confessed looking everywhere but at his Hyung.

"Cute," Jin whispered under his breath.

Jin emptied the containers of the two bags on Hoseoks' bed and advanced to look through them to chose which one would be best to use.

"I better go make something for him to eat. He cant take medicine on an empty stomach." Hoseok announced standing up.

"Soup should be fine," Jin said, giving the younger a grateful smile as the younger left.

"How is he doing?" Yoongi asked once he got his breathing back to normal.

"Well, Hoseok says he is feverish," Jin rolled his eyes making a quoiting motion with his hands, "I say he has a fever."

Yoongi scoffed, it was so typical of them to bicker over the prettiest thing ever.

"How high is his temperature?" Yoongi asked.

"39.4"

"That's high," the raper said "Shouldn't we take him to the hospital?" he asked.

"We should," Jin agreed, "But Hoseok insisted that we try dealing with it first because it's manageable."

"That's stupid," Yoongi said unimpressed.

The older hummed in agreement, busy opening a pack of cooling gel sheet. Jin walked back to his place next to Taehyung. He removed the towel he had placed there and replaced it by the gel sheet in his hand.

Yoongi came closer to take a look at his sick band member. He froze upon seeing how pale and thin, dangerously thin the younger was.

"I better go help Hobi," the rapper said leaving the room quickly.

Moments after, Namjoon and Jungkook joined them in the room. Jin noticed how Namjoon won't meet his eyes and how Jungkooks face was puffy and red from crying. No one said anything; they stayed there in silence waiting for Taehyung to wake up so they could breathe again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Spill your thoughts, what do you think? It's not as good as I hoped it would be, but I guess its decent right? Anyway, I know Tumblr is dying out, but I still use it. I have a special blog I made for BTS and I post small ficlets (one so far) there and I might post scenes from this fic that don't make the cut. If you are interested, you can follow me!
> 
> My main: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rarsablack  
> My BTS blog: https://jiminvminteahyung.tumblr.com/


	9. Goodnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very long chapter ahead!

The anxiety and worry they felt were overwhelming making them sick in their stomach. Despite the millions of questions swirling in their heads none of them uttered a word. Their minds were a minefield of thoughts; every corner is a mine of words they didn't dare say. The boys' lips were sealed shut as if speaking was taboo. The lack of conversation was suffocating. It made the air thick with tension and too heavy to breathe. The only noise that was heard was Taehyung heavy breathing and the rustling of sheets every time Namjoon fidgets.

  
After joining the other, both Namjoon and Jungkook claimed Hoseok abandoned bed. They said nothing, completely lost in their own world. Namjoon refuses to look the other members' in the eye. He was restless, his eyes jumping from one thing to another while he shifts and fidgets nervously. Jimin could almost see the heavy loads of guilt clenching at their leaders back. The monstrous feeling that had its pointy fangs and sharp claws dug inside Namjoons’ flesh is a curse they never could break. Jungkook on the other hand, eyes red-rimmed, a trail of dried salt on his cheeks and shoulders hunched with misery looked unlike himself. Gone was the strong man and come the little-scared boy. The fear radiating out of him was unsettling, never have they seen him so scared. He was unfittingly quiet his eyes staring into a distance as he sniffled now and then. The maknae had his hands wrapped around his shrinking form as if trying to keep himself together.

  
Jin and Jimin shared a worried look once they noticed their weird behaviour. Their leader and Golden Maknae looked defeated. They had an aura of misery surrounding them. They were gloomy and depressed, just looking at them made Jin and Jimins’ heart break. For what? Jin found himself wondering. Yes, Taehyung is sick, and Jin was crazy worried over him. Yet, he was not broken nor was Jimin or the others. He couldn't quite understand why were they affected to this degree. Could it be the stress is getting to them? Or were they over-sensitive? Maybe Taehyung had a special place in their heart, but didn't he have one in all of their hearts? Was he the one not worrying enough? Jin sighed, he was tired and his head hearts from thinking and worrying and just being awake.

  
More than two hours have passed since they found Taehyung paced out and hardly breathing. Jin shuddered remembering the scene he had witnessed. He looked better now. Taehyung skin regained some of its original colour, not the angry reddish shade the hot water has given him. He was breathing in small puffs; still, he was breathing. He was alive. For the longest part of those two hours, Taehyung had looked dead. To see him regain some of his lifeness was comforting.

  
Curiously, almost one hour has passed following both Hoseok and Yoongi disappearance. They had left to make soup for the sick boy a while ago. The urge to check on the rappers nearly consumed Jin numerous times. However, he couldn't find it in his heart to part with Taehyung even when three other people were attending to him as well. For now, Jin stuck with nursing Taehyungs' high temperature while silently praying the due don't burn down the kitchen. His sole consolation was Yoongis' decent cooking skills.

  
“We should measure his temperature one more time,” Jin rough voice broke the silence. He couldn't wait for much more. His nerves were all over the place. Jin couldn't stop worrying over Taehyung. The anxiety was boiling and bubbling in the pits of his stomach. Different warning signs are popping up trying to alert him, no, _them_ to something regarding the younger, yet they can't figure what it all means. It was both baffling and terrifying Jin didn't know what to make of it.

  
Jimin nodded. He got up to fetch the thermometer from the toilet where he left it. Cautious not to choke Taehyung, Jimin secured the thermostat under his best friends tongue. The air grew thicker (if possible) with anticipation as they nervously waited for the result — the number the device shows will determine their next move. Whether they take Taehyung to the hospital or not relies on his current temperature.

Reflecting on their decision now Jimin wondered if Jin was right. Perhaps they should have taken Taehyung to the hospital regardless of their capability to treat him. What if his temperature didn't go down? Will it be too late to seek professional help? What will they do if Taehyung starts hallucinating from the high heat? The questions were pilling up atop each other filling all the corners in his head. Jimin sighed, his nerves taking the best of him.

They all held their breath as the whole world seemed to stop still. Time was mocking them as it stubbornly refused to move forward. The seconds felt like an eternity. The universe was testing their patience. It was nerve-racking to wait, hope and wait some more. Jimin tapped his feet impatiently as the members gathered around the bed waiting for Taehyungs' temperature to be measured.

  
“Please,” Jungkook kept mumbling under his breath like a prayer. He hoped and prayed his hyung temperature was down, and he would wake up soon. A hand found his clenched ones, and Jungkook felt some of the tension leave his body. He looked to the side taking a deep breath once he was greeted with Jins’ soft smile. They'll be fine, he thought.

With a trembling hand, Jimin reached out for the thermometer. A part of him was prepared for the worst. He didn't want to look at it, to confirm his fear. While the other half was optimistic and was positive, everything was fine. At the moment, Jimin didn't know which one to believe.

  
“37.8” Jimin murmured in scepticism. A wave of relief took over him bringing the dancer to his knees. ’ _He's fine_ ’ Jimin chanted in his head over and over again.

"Baby," Jimin whispered hands reaching out for Teahyungs' surprisingly cold ones. "My baby," he said his voice fragile and vulnerable. He couldn't stop himself from touching Taehyung. Jimin found himself once again by his bed caressing the youngers cheeks gently. He wanted to feel the warm flow of blood rushing through Taehyungs' veins and the steady beat of his heart pulsing. Jimin wanted to _feel_ that he was fine.

  
"Oh, thank God!" Namjoon breathed out sinking back into Hoseoks' bed. He massaged his temples, a pained expression on his face. Namjoons' head was hurting from worrying.

  
"See, he's fine. He's'okay, just breath." Jim whispers embracing a shaken Jungkook. Lovingly, he ran his hand over the youngers' hair spilling words of reassurance in his ears.

"Hyung," Jungkook whined brokenly.

Jin lifted his hands from around Jungkooks' body to install them on his shoulders. Gently, he drove the younger back a little, enough to look into his eyes. "He's fine, Kooki, he's fine." The older soothed with a firm voice. Taehyung was fine. Finally, he can breathe again.

  
"Hobi was right," Jimins' emotionless voice broke the moment "He was just feverish."

  
"Well, he could have been wrong," Jin said dryly. He let go of Jungkook entirely and moved closer to Taehyung. Jin allowed his eyes to take in the sight of him one more time. _Maybe we should dress him_ , he thought to himself.

 

No words could describe how happy Jin was that Hoseok was right. He was grateful and humble and ready to thank all the gods' humanity worshipped for letting his little angel be okay. Jin was over the moon he could dance, and he doesn't like dancing! However, they have to acknowledge that what they did was a gamble, they risked Taehyungs' health, and that left a bitter taste in his mouth. They were playing with a two-sided coin, and they were lucky enough for it to fall into the right side. Jin didn't want to dive in too deep into what could have happened if they were not so lucky. He didn't want to cross into that territory — the one filled with negative, depressing thoughts that were meant to torment his soul.

  
"I'll blame it on the lack of sleep and shock," Jin began. Having ultimately settled on dressing Taehyung, he walked to Jimin and Hoseok shared closet. "We were not in the right state of mind to make that decision." He continued, his voice growing distant as he walked farther away from the rest.

  
"That was the most reckless thing we've done so far. Just plain stupid, dumb, ill-advised, whatever!" The older ranted, emerging with articles of clothes. From what Jimin could see, they belonged to Hoseok. Jin sat at the foot of the bed doing work of dressing the younger. Starting with the pants, he slowly put Taehyung feet in the first hole.

  
"This could have gone in a different direction-" He paused, mind going over worst outcomes. "Do you realise how bad this could have been?" He urged, voice wavering. No one said anything, they understood, this was not a question meant to be answered.

  
"No matter what," Jin said, his hands putting Taehyung other feet in the second hole "If something like this ever happens again, we seek medical help." His voice was firm; it left no space for argument. This was an order, not a suggestion.

  
Having installed both of his feet in the holes, Jin delicately pulled the pants all the way up. Turning around, he met the members "Did I make myself clear?" he asked.

  
"Yes, hyung." the three responded collectively.

  
"Good," Jin stated. He pulled up the socks he picked and started fixing them on for Taehyung.

  
Jimin frowned at the clothes Jin selected. They were warm and fluffy and were sure to fit Taehyung. But, they did not belong to him. He could let the pants and socks go and not dwell on them solely for the fact that his won't be as comfortable and lose as Hoseoks'. However, the sweater was another story. Before Jin got to the Jumper, Jimin snatched it and ran to fetch one of his. Jin jumped back from the sudden movement at looked bewilderingly at Jimin running figure. In a matter of seconds, he came out with his fluffy sweater and a satisfied grin. Jimin wordlessly handed the item to Jin and watched with great delight as the older draped Taehyung in his clothes.

  
"Happy?" Jin asked with playful annoyance once Taehyung was fully dressed. Secretly, he found it cute, really adorable actually. However, Jimin didn't need to know that.

  
"Yes," Jimin said nodding with a big smile on his face. He couldn't explain it; he just needed to wrap the younger with his clothes and just surround Taehyung with his sent, just _him_.

"Help me get him under the cover," Jin requested "You lift him up, and I'll pull the cover from under him," he instructed "Ready?" he asked looking at Jimin.

  
The dancer nodded. He snuck one hand under Taehyungs' head, softly cradling it while the other went under his knees. At Jins' cue, he lifted Taehyungs' body as the older successfully pulled the cover from underneath him. Jimin lowered him back on the bed. He gave Taehyung one of the extra pillows he had to hug and smiled lovingly when the younger unconsciously pulled it closer to his body. He proceeded to cover him with the blanket and made sure his best friend was comfortable. Once he was satisfied, Jimin sat at the opposite side of Jin on the foot of the bed, both looking fondly at the younger.

 

 

They sat in silence, mind drifting from troubling over Taehyung to worrying over the other members. Namjoon sighed, It was currently 4 something in the morning, almost 24 hours of staying awake. They would have very much liked to sleep, not just because they are tired but also because they need too. They had practice tomorrow- well today. Maybe they should cancel it? Namjoon wondered if he called their manager now would he pick up? Another deep sigh escapes him. _I have to figure this out_ , he thought to himself.

  
Suddenly, the door opened, and Yoongi walked in followed by Hoseok whos carrying a tray of food. The tension between them was apparent. It was thick and heavy making their feet drag underneath its weight. Something happened between the two while they were downstairs. Whatever it was, Yoongi was not pleased by it, that much was evident. For a moment, Jin wondered if Yoongi had voiced his disagreement with Hoseok judgment. _He did_ , Jin thought, _probably too harshly_.

  
"Here, we made some tomato soup," Hoseok said handing Jin the tray. He was stiff and nervous, what did Yoongi tell him? The older asked himself.

"Thanks," Jin said, smiling sympathetically at Hoseok "Both of you,"

"You're welcome, hyung," Hoseok said with a forced smile while Yoongi stayed utterly silent. He overlooked them all taking a seat on the desk chair he had abandoned.

"Hh," Hoseoks' voice broke as the words clung in his throat. "How is he?" the rapper questioned worriedly.

"He's fine, hyung," Jimin answered beaming "His temperature is gone, 37.8."

At Jimins' words, Hoseok relaxed. The tension left his body as the stiffness melted away turning him boneless. His shoulder hunched with his limbs dangling from the centre of his body. His chest moved in slow motion as he took deep calm breaths "Thank God," He said. The others felt sorry for him, Hoseok must've been worried sick. Especially when all of them did not agree or support the decision he made. What if things didn't work out in their favour? How would he have felt?

  
After being reassured, Hoseok took a seat beside Jungkook. The three of them barely fit on the bed with the mess of medicine boxes scattered around them.

  
”Should we still feed him?” Jimin asked. Considering that Taehyungs' temperature is down, was there any need for the medicine?

”Yeah, he has to take some medicine,” Jin insisted.

”But his temperature is down.”

”Still,”

”He doesn't need it,”

”Jimin, babe, it's just to be sure," he swore, "Better safe than sorry," he chuckled awkwardly, "I promise,” Jin vowed. Putting the tray on the bedside table, he approached Taehyung and slowly rocked him.

”Tae, love, wake up.” the older spoke gently.

”Mmm,”

”Taehyung, wake up." he called "I just need you to eat something,” Jin assured, shaking him stronger this time.

”Hyungie~” Taehyung whined, his voice rough from sleep. He moved away from his hyungs' hand. In return, Jin shook him repeatedly only for Taehyung to slap his hands away. " ’Mtired," he moaned.

”I know, I know." he said sympathetically "But I just need you to eat something, and you can go back to sleep,” Jin promised.

"I don't want to," Taehyung slurred out pulling the cover closer to his body.

Jimin chuckled at that, eyes fondly watching the scene unravel in front of him. For a moment, or maybe two everything was back to normal. The incident felt like a lousy dream, a nightmare something imaginary, an illusion.

At the sound of Jimins' laugh, Jin turned to face him. "Don't just stand there, help me!" he hissed voice low. He looked comical, his hand blindly fumbling with Taehyung, trying to shake him awake while his face was turned in Jimins' direction red with frustration.

His action only served to get a laugh out of Jimin and a snicker from Hoseok. Now that the danger has passed, they were high on adrenaline, and everything seemed so funny. The others were not different, unlike Hoseok and Jimin who were now a giggling mess they had a loving smile on their faces. Even Yoongi was grinning at Taehyung and him.

"Taehyung!" Jin huffed giving up on receiving any help from the others. He sighed pulling the cover and exposing the younger curled body.

"Cold!" Taehyung complained. He hugged himself to save what's left of the heat.

"Come on, up, up."

Jin griped his bicep firmly but still mindful not to hurt him. He pulled Taehyung up and tried to manhandle him into a sitting position, but the younger was not cooperating. Taehyung was difficult, he whined and turned away from Jins' hand only wanting to lay down. He was tired, and Jin understood that. Passing out and having a slight fever does take a toll on your body. But he really needed to feed the younger so Taehyung can make his medicine and they can all sleep.

  
Following several failed attempts, Taehyung was eventually awake enough to stay remaining up. The boy could hardly keep his eyes open. He kept drowsing off, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Even after Jin had set the tray on his lap, Taehyung made no move to feed himself.

  
"Tae," Jin pleaded. God, he'll do anything just to have the boy eat. He was tired, all of them were. They needed to rest and knowing them; they wouldn't sleep a wink before making sure Taehyung was alright. All he needed to do is to eat his god damn soup and take the stupid pill, is that hard?

As if sensing that his hyung was not amused by his behaviour, Taehyung sat up straight (or attempted to) and became more alert. However, he couldn't stay attentive for more than a few seconds before the lack of energy took the best of him.

  
"Hyung," Taehyung choked up his face becoming red. He was bitting his lips trying to stop them from quivering. His eyes grew glassy as tears of frustration began to gather. Taehyung was feeling overwhelmed and disappointed with himself. He doesn't remember much and the fact that he doesn't know how he got into (where is this? Jimins' bed?) sprang panic within him. He couldn't decide on whether he was cold or burning up. Breathing was a little bit difficult, and his chest felt heavy, it hurts. He had a headache, his body was sore, and he was suffocating.

  
Recognising the signs of a crying fit. The members jumped to Taehyungs' side with calls of "Don't cry TaeTae."

It was rare that Taehyung cries despite what the media shows. He had great self-control and willpower. Furthermore, his sense of independence and fear of being a burden both prevented him from crying and showing his weakness. It was only when he reached his limits does he ever allow himself to cry. Knowing this about him the members immediately felt alarmed.

  
"Hey, hey, It's fine," Jimin reassured in a whisper. In a heartbeat, he planted himself beside Taehyung and took control of the situation. One of his hands were on the youngers neck gently massaging the tense muscle.

  
"Baby, you need to eat something," Jimin said hesitantly "Just a little," he promised, "I'll even feed you!" Jimin quickly added when Taehyung whined in protest. With this new piece of information, the younger visibly relaxed a bit.

Seeing Taehyung inadequate willingness to cooperate, Jimin quickly got to work. He took both the bowl of soup and the spoon in his hand. Slowly, he steered the liquid and blew on it so it wouldn't burn Taehyungs' tongue. Bringing a spoon full to his lips he blew on it gently for good measures. Once sensing it was warm enough, he fed it to Taehyung.

  
"Sa-" he yawned "-lty," Taehyung grumbled pushing Jimins' hand away.

"Sorry, sorry," Hoesok muttered sheepishly a light blush covering his cheeks.

"Fine," Jimin mumbled. Immediately, he found a solution to the problem. Grabbing the glass of water that came on the tray, Jimin pored a little in the bowl and mixed it up. Tasting the soup, he nodded to himself in approval. It was not salty any more plus, the temperature was just perfect!

  
The situation was controlled, and Jimin proceeded to feed Taehyung while muttering "Good boy," and other encouraging praises his way. The others relaxed and seeing as they were not needed much occupied themselves with other things. Jin left to put away the towels and the bowl of cold water while Hoseok collected all the unused medicine went to store them in the medical drawer they had in the living room. On the other hand, Namjoon left to contact their manager and inform him of what happened. Jungkook, however, was too emotionally drained to do anything at all and remained seated on Hoseoks' bed. As for Yoongi, the rapper went back to his chair. He curled up in it and closed his eyes shutting everyone out.

  
"Stop," Taehyung protested as Jimin tried to feed him another spoon full of soup.

"Come on Tae, were almost done." He promised "Just one more,"

"Noooo" Taehyung whined turning his head away.

"Taeh-" Jimin was interrupted by one of Taehyung violent coughing fit. Instantly he set down the items in his hand and patted his friend on the back hoping the action would help. A trailer of red liquid appeared at the corner of his mouth running down his chin. Jimin was fast to whip it away.

"Do you need to throw up?" he asked panicked already reaching for the garbage bin.

Taehyung shook his head in rejection. "Hurts," he moaned out massaging his own chest. The taste of iron was bitter in his mouth.

"I know baby, I'm sorry," Jimin whispered putting his hands atop Taehyung and squeezing it.

"Let's just give you the pill, and you can sleep okay?" Jimin said, "How about that?" he asked gently not expecting an answer. Taehyung nodded nevertheless.

  
In a matter of minutes, Taehyung took the pill, drank another glass of water and was tuck in bed with Jimins' hand around his body. As soon as his head touched the pillow, Taehyung was out like a light. Even while knowing the younger was asleep, Jimin kept whispering sweet lullabies in his ears.

  
The door opened once more and in came Namjoon, Jin and Hoseok. The leader opened his mouth about to say something when his eyes landed on the sleeping Taehyung. His eyes softened as a smile appeared on his previously worried face.

 

"Todays' practice is cancelled," He announced in a low voice as not to disturb the sleeping boy "Get some sleep," He ordered.

 

"Yoongi," Jin called "You should go to yo-"

 

"Shut up," he slurred out, already half asleep.

 

"Whatever," Jin huffed "Honestly, the disrespect." He muttered under his breath.

  
"Jungkook," Jin turned to the youngest.

 

"He'll sleep with me tonight," Hoseok spoke up surprising Jungkook who looked at him confusingly having not agreed to such decision.

 

"I am?" he asked not catching on.

 

"You are," the rapper answered "I don't want to sleep alone," he reasoned. _I don't want you to sleep alone_ ; he meant to say.

 

"Okay then, off to bed." He said tucking them in like children. While he went to check one Taehyung one last time, Namjoon covered Yoongi with a blanket having given up on convincing him to move to his bed.

  
"Come on now, everyone is in bed," Jin announced tugging on Namjoons' arm. "You're sleeping with me," he decided not giving the younger a chance to protest.

  
"Goodnight everyone," He called back as he pulled Nmajoon behind him and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on empty your thoughts in the comments. Let me know what you think.
> 
> I know that this has been going painfully slow and I'm sorry. I didn't realise that practically 8 of the chapters I posted so far are set in the same day, can you believe? I'll try to make the plot move faster, but I really want to give everyone equal parts and Its hard to do that when there is 7 of them!! Bear with me a little. How is the story going so far? Is it getting boring? Please let me know. Not to sound desperate but I need feedback!


	10. Important Business!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not an update; we need to talk! Please read!!!!

Before you worry your pretty little heads over the meaning of this, let me ease your worries. No, I'm not abandoning this fanfiction. No, I'm not losing interest, and no I'm not taking a hiatus from writing. I'm pretty excited for the next update, so don't worry. I'm just two sentences in at the moment, but I have the whole thing planned out! 

 

 

Now, let me start with what I wanted to say. I made this, umm, let's call it ’note’ to discuss with you guys some things regarding the story. I want to include you in some of the decision makings. Not significant things though, just small parts.

 

I don't know if you notice, but so far I haven't mentioned their hair colour or what they were practising. So basically, I didn't specify the era they are in. Is it present time? Fake love (I need Teahyungs’ mullet back)? Blood, Sweat & Tears? I personally think it's better if we stick to the love yourself trilogy since it was when they blew up in America. I need them under pressure for this fic, and I think it's the era where things got overwhelming for them. I'm planning to let you decide on this one, what era they are in? Do we want to stick to the hair colour that comes with that era? Do we change it? I'll give you a chance to decide. No fighting over it though, just give your opinion or choice, and the one that gets the most requests will be chose. A couple more chapters in they will be on a tour which means they will be preforming the songs of the era you chose!

 

 

The next thing is, I want you to suggest  a best friend for every member from outside the group. I have ideas, but it would be interesting to see what you guys think. Remember that this is a fic and not real life okay? Everything could happen! So lets mix the genders, sexual orientations, religion and such. I want to have a big range of representation! 

 

Finally, I don't like the description of this fanfic. I don't think it's interesting. It doesn't have a hook I guess? I'm not sure what you call it, lol. Anyways, can you guys help me out? What do you think should be written on the description? 

 

 

I might add things later, but for now, that's all I wanted to ask of you. Please Don't be shy and voice your opinion. I tried to give a choice in the direction of the story so you can feel involved. I hope you take it. I know it's a small part, but hair colour is important(how dare you?)!!!

 

But honestly though, please comment, it'll be fun! Let's talk, discuss things and be one big family, lol! In advance, thanks for your help!

 

 

 

One last thing I almost forgot, I'm in my finals week. My first final is this Saturday (Don't be surprised, different countries, different weekends). I have a total of 4 finales exams so I'll be busy studying for them. Don't expect updates too soon, I'm sorry, but I'm human! Anyway, thank you for reading this!!


	11. A Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry? I know this is late. I did take my sweet time writing this, and I apologise. I don't have an updating schedule or a specific time to update, but even for that, this chapter is a bit late. Anyway, I worked hard on it. Taehyung is awake finally! 
> 
> There is a lot of cute moments and a shit ton of fluff, Vmin specifically. There will be a panic attack scene too, so be careful when you read. I originally had a comedic approach to the chapter, even wrote 1K worth of words on it but then changed my mind. It didn't click to me, so I took a different approach. 
> 
> I'm planning to post that silly draft and another deleted scenes on Tumblr, if you are interested, check it out!
> 
> Oh, and I made "an introduction to K-pop" kind of video just to shut up my friend who thinks I'm lame for liking it? Anyway, I posted it on youtube in the heat of the moment. I kinda regret it now but oh well. I'll leave you the link at the end if you are interested!

Taehyung woke up to a tingling sensation in his abdomen. A wave of warm air grazed his revealed tummy making his body shiver in discomfort. He sighed, toes curling, and muscles stretching as the ticklish feeling continued disturbing his peaceful slumber.

Lazily, Taehyung brought a hand to his face blindly wiping away the trail of saliva running down his chin. The wet patch it created on the pillowcase stuck to his cheeks, he winced, disgusting. He swallowed the mouthful of saliva that was left and grimaced at the awful taste. Taehyung shuddered as a wave of nauseous took over him. It passed quickly; he sighed in relief. He did not fancy bolting to the bathroom and emptying the content of his stomach in such early hours of the day.

  
A low groan escaped his parted lips as he attempted to move his side. However, he found himself unable to turn. Confused he tried again only to fail. There was a weight of some sort holding him down, limiting his movement. Taehyung huffed in aggravation giving up on adjusting his position. His eyes were still shut heavy with sleep; he craved oh so badly to dive into the realms of dreams once more. However, his body was stiff and sore from laying on his back through the night. He had always been more comfortable on his side curling his body around the pillow he is hugging.

  
Taehyung frowned, confused on why was he struggling. Was he paralysed? Wait, no he can't be. _You just moved_ , he told himself. Was he tied to something? Taehyung didn't feel any kind of material binding him to anything. Most importantly where was he?

He doesn't remember going to bed or getting dressed. The mattress under him was softer than the one he owned; this one dipped under his weight. The cover on top of him was heavier. It felt nothing like his new set of silk sheets he bought recently. What happened? Why isn't he in his own bed? Why does everything feel unfamiliar? A million and one questions rose in his head as Taehung struggled to make sense of what's happening.

His memory of the previous night was foggy. The timeline blurred into itself, Taehyung wasn't sure of the right order of the events. He remembers sticky fingers and the faint smell of nature, that was in the morning or was it day time? An image of his boney figure pops up in his head resurfacing his gloomy thoughts and depressed spirit. None of those explains where he was. No memory of going to bed came up, last he remembers is the calming sound of running water and overwhelming heat.

  
Taehyung whined the sound vibrated from deep within his throat. _What the hell_ , he cursed mentally. He couldn't remember anything past waiting for the tub to fill up with water. His brows knitted together in puzzlement mind retracing his steps. The pieces of memories his brain conjured did nothing to solve the mystery. Several spots were blank, eventless. What happened? The question echoed in his head unanswered, it bounced around, collided with the walls and then rebounded. Taehyung couldn't pin it down with an answer, he didn't have one, and he had no idea where to start looking for one. The question repeated itself in echoes; it only served to make him more confused.

  
Taehyung let out a breath squeezing his eyes shut in concentration. He tried getting a feel of his surrounding, Taehyung listened carefully seeking to pick up any sound that would give away his whereabouts. The room he was in was completely silent. No type of movement or noise arose signifying the presence of another. Taehyung frowned in absorption, he focused all his energy into his ears and listened carefully. Eventually, he picked up the sound of breathing. It was soft and steady he almost mistook it for his own until a snore came from the far end of his left. It was nothing loud; it was short and medium in volume. For a second, Taehyung thought it was Namjoon, and he was in his own bed imagining everything. However, when no other snores followed, he knew it was not his leader. Who could it be? He groaned, using his head this early in the morning overwhelmed him.

 

There it was again, the tingling sensation in his abdomen. It strangely felt like a warm breath. It was steady and repeating, cooling then warming his exposed skin with every inhale and exhale. What? Taehyung frowned. Was he breathing from his stomach? That can't be po-

Suddenly everything clicked, his scenes became magically hyper and attentive. Taehyung was made aware of the strong hand wrapped around his hips holding him in place and the nose digging into his soft tummy. Focusing more, Taehyung felt chubby cheeks pressed to his skin and humid breath leaving a slightly opined mouth. Those arms, that mouth, how could he not recognise them sooner? Taehyung didn't need to think long or to open his eyes to confirm if the final piece fits or not. He could feel it in his bones, in the way his body relaxed, and heart fluttered at the contact.

  
_Jimin, Jimin, Jimin, Jiminjiminjimin......_

  
Taehyung could think of nothing other than Jimin. The way he felt against his skin, the way he seemed to breathe Taehyung in every time he inhaled, and bring him back to life every time he exhaled. It was scary how content Taehyung felt at this moment, savouring the heat Jimins' body provided drowning in Jimin and everything he gave him. His scent, his possessive hold and soft touch. Taehyung was terrified of the way his heart fluttered, wildly beating within the cages of his rips wanting so badly to burst from.......happiness? Affection? Admiration? Venus? Taehyung wasn't sure, unwilling to figure it out, too scared to explore the new feeling.

  
Muffled noises came from somewhere far pulling him out from his thoughts. It sounded like footsteps to Taehyung, but he wasn't sure. It was growing fainter as the person walked farther away from him. Was that Jin? It probably was. By now, the older boy would b up making breakfast. Perhaps he should offer help since he was awake. It would be an excellent opportunity to ask and see if Jin could fill the blank space in his memories. Taehyung sighed, maybe it was time he opened his eyes.

Slowly, he opened his right eye only to close it quickly with a wince. The room was bright, the morning light illuminating his surrounding. From the brief glims he caught, Taehyung recognised Jimin and Hoseoks' bedroom. It didn't come as a surprise since he figured he'd be in Jimins' bed, but still, Taehyung found it strange that he wasn't in his bed. The fact that he can't seem to remember much of the previous night made it even more peculiar.

Taehyung shifted a little trying carefully to get out of Jimins' hold without waking him. Slowly and warily he snuck his hand around Jimins' arm grabbing it loosely. Cautious with his movement Taehyug lifted the arm around his hip as slow as he possibly could praying Jimin wouldn't wake up. However, his effort didn't pay off as Jimin stirred with a low groan hugging Taehyung closer to himself. The dancer buried his face into the warm, soft skin of Taehyungs' exposed tummy sighing in content as it squished under the weight of his head.

  
Taehyung giggled unintentionally, the sound escaping him as Jimins' soft hair tickled his stomach. "Stoooooooop!" The younger whined croakily. He tried pushing the older away, but Jimin clenched to him for dear life.

"Five more minutes," Jimin mumbled into his skin.

"You're tickling me." He huffed irritated.

"Sleep," Jimin breathed out halfway into dreamland.

As a replay, Taehyung pulled him up, so they were facing each other instead. He regretted his action as soon as he saw Jimins' face. It was buffy from sleep, eyes half-lidded and heavy with slumber, lips plump and red, slightly parted letting his breath fan over his face.

"Hey," Jimin whispered a small smile taking over his sleepy face.

"Hey," Taehyung breathed out mesmerised by Jimins' beauty. Subconsciously his hand found its way to Jimins' messy hair, running it through his strands. Jimin giggled in response sneaking his arms around Taehyung slender waist and pulling him closer their noses almost touching.

"You have morning breath," Taehyung whispered as if it was a secret between the two. Maybe it was, just between them, only them. With the way Jimin is looking at him, swallowing him whole with all the admiration in his eyes. The way his heart is longing for more, more of the admiration and more of Jimin. The way everything seems to fade into the background, and nothing seems to matter except the shapes Jimins' burning into the skin right above his hips. There was no one but them in this universe they created.

  
"So do you," Jimin whispered back, as breathless as he was. Taehyung blushed, avoiding the dancers' eyes. He couldn't meet them when they held so many emotions in them. Taehyung was already confused by his own feelings, new, foreign, and very unfamiliar to the soft and calm fondness he usually held for Jimin. He couldn't stand looking at the ocean of "affection" in his eyes. Because he knew, oh Taehyung knew well, it would only take him mere seconds to drown in it. He was so heavy with feelings of his own that he knew he would sink into the pits of Jimins' ocean and never surface again. Taehyung wasn't ready to lose himself just yet not when there was so much more of him to discover.

  
The conversation between them died down. They didn't speak over the loud thoughts running in their heads. Both of them were somewhat lost in this brand-new universe they had found themselves in. Taehyung wanted so badly not to notice, but Jimin's intense gaze was hard to ignore. He ached to tease Jimin and tell him he was staring, making him blush that beautiful shade of red and embarrass him just a little yet he couldn't. Not when he was so close like this.

  
There was some type of movement in the background. A low noise rose from somewhere in the room, inaudible and undetected by the two. Taehyung and Jimin were so immersed into each other they didn't see Hoseok leave the room or hear the faint "good morning" he had wished them.

  
"What happened yesterday?" Taehyung finally asked in a whisper curiosity taking the best of him. He mustered enough courage to look Jimin in the eye only to find the older boy staring at him strangely.

"You don't remember?" Jimin whispered back confusedly.

Taehyung shook his head in response regarding him with his big wide eyes ready to believe anything Jimin told him. "I remember deciding to take a bath. I'm not sure if i took one or not. But I think I did." Teahyung frowned trying to remember "I did, I remember waiting for the tub to fill up."

"You-" Jimin trailed off not sure how to tell him without getting emotional "You passed out?" it came out like a question rather than an answer. Jimin wasn't sure himself about what actually happened last night. He didn't get the chance to question Namjoon on the matter since he was thrown so suddenly into taking care of Taehyung.

  
"Oh,"

  
"Yeah, Namjoon was the one wh-"

"We will talk about this later." Yoongis' rough voice interrupted him. The older had appeared out of nowhere standing right next to them pinning the younger boys with a cold gaze. Taehyung and Jimin jumped a little startled by Yoongis’ sudden appearance. The spell they were under was broken, the small distance between them grew greater, and the universe they created shattered as they turned around to face him. Taehyung found himself missing Jimins’ warmth and his tiny fingers digging into his soft skin.

  
“Jin hyung is almost done with breakfast. You two go wash up and come down. Jimin wake up Jungkook too.” He said, voice void of any emotions.

Yoongi to the rest was an enigma. He was a reserved person who values his privacy to a significant extent. As they have noticed, he shared too little of what goes on in his mind and even less of what he feels. Usually, as a habit of living together for so long Taehyung grew custom to what certain things mean. He and everyone else could now pick up the slight irritation in his voice or the genuine smile he so rarely gives. For now, at this moment, Taehyung could pick nothing. It is as if Yoongi had retrieved into his shell. He fell back to his older self. They were strangers once more; Taehyung didn't know who he was talking to.

  
”Okay, ” Jimin said stumbling out of bed ready to follow the order. He disappeared into his and Hoseoks' shared bathroom closing the door with a soft click leaving the two with a sleeping Jungkook.

Taehyung just nodded in reply avoiding Yoongis’ intense stare. He could feel it, the buzz of anxiety under his skin. It resembles a soft humming, barely audible and comforting to a slight degree. It was familiar almost addicting. The frequency and the softness of it buzzing and picking up his heart pace. The humming of all his petty worries and fears in the back of his head was almost hypnotising tricking him to believe it was normal, that Taehyung was not that close to freaking out.

  
Yoongi said nothing as he left. He didn't call out Taehyung for avoiding his eyes like he usually would have, didn't wish him good morning or acknowledge his existence. He just merely left, and Taehyung could feel his blood freeze over closing the channels in his veins. Something was wrong, Yoongi is mad or maybe not. Taehyung couldn't read him, Yoongi isn't letting him. He is casting him out, like a stranger denying him the privilege of friends.

  
Taehung sighed, getting out of bed apprehensive about meeting the others. If Yoongi was acting like this, then god knows how Namjoon would. Quietly, he snuck out of the room not wanting to wake Jungkook up before he actually needed to be. _Why was Junkook there?_ He found himself wondering. He passed out, again? Taehyung groaned preparing himself mentally for the lecture he was going to get.

  
He went about freshening up, washing his teeth, changing out of the pyjamas he was wearing and fixing his hair. Taehyung took his sweet time, dragging everything he did on and on until he was unable to stall more than he already did. It all passed in a haze, him changing, going down and joining the others for breakfast.

 

The hushed conversation the others were having died down as Taehyung made an appearance. Only Jin and Jimin smiled at him when he sat down between them each giving him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. Mumbles of "Good morning" filled the air and if Taehyung was a little hurt by Namjoon and Yoongi staying silent and completely ignoring him no one had to know.

  
The atmosphere was delicate, volatile and dangerous. There was a lot of anger, disappointment and irritation Taehyung was sure directed his way. The air was heavy with words he was confident the others wanted to say but couldn't. Because if you speak when you are angry, you say things you don't mean. You spit venom till the poison start working, and the other end of the argument loses all of their defences. Until they can't protect themselves and get hurt because that's what you wanted, to hurt them as they hurt you, disappoint them as they did you.

Taehyung wasn't sure if he should be happy that the others were holding back, biting their tongue as not to hurt his feeling or feel annoyed by their constant delicacy when dealing with him in particular. He was a man, yet they treated him like a child tiptoeing around his feelings afraid they would break him with harsh words.

"Eat up, eat up," Jin said jumping to fill Taehyungs' plate with more food than they both knew he could stomach. Jin had gone overbored with cooking, like every time he felt nervous. The older had made scrambled eggs and bacon, omelettes, fruit salad, waffles, french toasts and pancakes. He must have been up since early morning; it was only half past teen.

  
Taehyung sighed Namjoon was avoiding him, Yoongi was casting him out, and Jin was apparently worried about something or more accurately him. He had half a mind to leave the table, unable to handle the guilty looks Hoseok was giving him and the nervous eyes of Jungkook jumping between him and Namjoon as if waiting for one of them to explode. But Taehyung did nothing and said nothing. He stayed put, shutting his mouth and letting fate decide the outcomes of today's breakfast.

He started forcing down his breakfast taking the action as a distraction from the growing pain in his heart. Taehyung took small bits of everything, chewing oh so very slowly and swallowing heavily to push everything down. It was tiring and bothersome, but he knew if he didn't eat the others will be even more annoyed by him. Not like he could help it. There was no apatite left in him; he was not hangry or craving anything. It was hard to eat when your body was refusing it.

  
Secretively, Taehyung allowed his eyes to study everyone else seated on the table next to him. Jin and Jimin were the most normal out of everyone. Their bodies were tense, and Jin kept filling up everybody's plate every five minutes out of restlessness, but it was bearable compared to the others. Jungkook was playing with his food, stuck between stabbing the eggs in his plate and regarding Taehyung like he was going to break at any given moment. Hoseok kept looking at his food as if it was poisoned, tasting small bites of every dish then wolfing it down once he deemed it safe. Yoongi, however, was not even bothering to pretend like he was eating. He was there for the talk, for telling Taehyung off and nothing else. Namjoon, on the other hand, was doing everything in his power to ignore Taehyungs' presence. He was projecting all his anger into the food he was eating, chewing aggressively and cutting it so violently.

 

Taehyung wasn't sure at what point the buzz under his skin turned rough, but he could sense it standing on the edge of painful. It felt like billions of tiny needles digging into his flesh repeatedly and belligerently over and over again. It was vexatious edging him on, annoying him turning his calmness into anger. The obedience and discipline he had, the maturity he had to approaching the problem all turned into aggravation. Taehyung wanted to fight.

  
"It's not the first time I faint in the shower," Taehyung said boredly. He said it as if it was nothing of importance, something so petty and insignificant. It was a bratty move on his behalf, to push them because they were pushing him but for now, for this exact moment Taehyung had nothing but anger in his system, and all he wanted is to channel it somewhere.

The clinking of Namjoons' fork and knife echoed as he doped them angrily on the table. Everyone was looking between them now, waiting for something to happen. Taehyung just provided the spark; they were waiting for it to burn down. Jin was desperately trying to catch their leaders' eyes wanting to warn him against encouraging the argument any further. Namjoon wouldn't meet him; he was staring at Taehyung with a burning intensity. The younger found himself taken back by both the rage and disappointment directed his way. This was serious; this was hurting feelings kind of argument a one that could bring them back and not forwards. But its too late now, it already started.

"Do you think this is funny?" Namjoon asked rage evident in his voice.

"Do you see me laughing?" Taehyung shot back, impetuously.

"Taehyung," Namjoon called warningly as if giving him a last chance to back out, to let it go.

"What? You're all upset over nothing!"

"Nothing," Namjoon breathed out in disbelief "Nothing you say?" He asked violently, "You could have died, did you know that?" Namjoon snaped.

"Hyu-" Jimin tried to come to his defence.

"You were this close," Namjoon continued over Jimin showing the small distance with his thumb and index finger "To choking to death!"

"I'm not dead!" Taehyung yelled back still viewing their anger as irrational and unnecessary.

"You could have!" Namjoon roared slamming his hand on the table.

"Namjoon, calm down," Jin said standing up ready to break up the fight.

"No," He said, "From now on you'll leave the door open when you shower, and someone has to be with you in the room or oh so help me god I'll give you a bath myself!" Namjoon ordered.

"What? No, I'm not a child!" Taehyung argued surprised that Namjoon would even suggest such a thing.

"I'll treat you like a man when you start acting like one," Namjoon stated.

  
Taehyung bounced to his feet, quite offended. Jin was quick to hold him down.

"What Namjoon meant," Jin said looking pointedly at their leader "You are very irresponsible with matters regarding both your physical and mental health whereas you are very responsible with anything else." He explained calmly. "Since we tried to solve this by reminding you always to be careful while showering, you showed no intention of following our orders." Before Taehyung could interrupt him with an excuse, Jin quickly added "If being firm with you is what it takes for you to be healthy in both ways then you bet we would make that decision. I understand that it's a bit harsh and unreasonable to you but its only for your good."

"I can't control it!" Taehyung reasoned.

"You could have easily avoided it." Namjoon insisted "I told you countless times leave the door open, so the fog doesn't get trapped in there with you or take showers with warm water not boiling hot. You never listen to me!"

"Fine, I'll do it. Just give me back my privacy." Taehyung pleaded defeated.

"It's too late for that now," Namjoon said.

"Being civil with you doesn't work, Taehyung," Jin said apologetically.

  
"I swear, I'll be careful this time." The younger promised desperately.

  
"Well your promises don't mean shit, I don't trust you," Namjoon snapped.

 

"Namjoon!" They all gasped gawking at him. How could he say that?

  
"You went a little too far there!" Hoseok scolded talking for the first time.

  
"That was unnecessary," Yoongi hissed shocked by the cruel words Namjoon spoke.

"I don't trust him," Namjoon repeated looking at a red-faced Jin who was ready to smack him. He turned to face Taehyung, "I don't trust you." He said again especially to him.

Their eyes were locked, and Taehyung could see that Nmajoon meant it. The leader had lost faith in his promises and his ability to keep them. No matter how much he wanted to, Taehyung couldn't stop his eyes from watering or his heart from breaking. He had started this; he was the one who provoked Namjoon knowing well that he may speak words he didn't mean and for that he was ready. Taehyung was ready for random words intended to hurt him when they were not true when they had no meaning however he was not prepared for Namjoon to mean what he said. Taehyung had disappointed him, and for that, he wasn't prepared.

  
Taehyung smile brokenly, eyes burning but no tears fell. "Thanks, hyung." He said admitting that he lost, surrendering.

  
Namjoons eyes widened, realising his lousy choice of words might have hurt the younger. He cursed under his breath upon seeing the raw and genuine pain floating in Taehyungs eyes.

"Wait," He rushed out "I didn't mean it like that," Namjoon protested.

  
"I think you did, hyung" Taehyung confessed.

"No liste-"

"I don't think there is much more to be said," Taehyung mumbled ready to leave.

  
The buzzing under his skin was now a flooding of self-loathing and self-consciousness. His heart was not slowly picking up a pace but instead beating fast. His breathing was shallow, and every inhale he took did nothing to provide him with the oxygen he needed. He was panicking, and Taehyung knew it, he needed to get out of here.

  
It was very illogical of him to feel this way, to translate Namjoons words of anger into his worth. Associating the words he spoke with his inability to reaching others expectations of him. He was a disappointment; nobody loved him. Taehyung fucked up badly; he was a fuck up. It was impossible for him to control those thoughts and even harder to stop believing them.

  
"Listen," Namjoon demanded "Look, I trust you with my life, with my families life, Bangtan and our future. I trust you with everything I have, just not yourself." he explained "When it comes to yourself you become careless and act recklessly. You do not look after yourself; this is the third time in the past two months you faint in the shower Taehyung. You don't understand how dangerous that is."

"I'm sorry," Taehyung whispered his tears finally falling. He was chocking, the muscles of his lungs tensing up and swelling till his breathing channels were blocked. He kept inhaling in, but nothing was entering his lungs. They were refusing everything Taehyung gave them, punishing him for being a disappointment for causing trouble to others. Taeyung chocked out a sob, terrified for not being able to breathe. His body shook as muffled whimpers left his lips.

_He can't breathe_

_He can't breathe_

_He can't breathe_

  
Taehyung was too far gone to sense the panic he had set in the members. In the blink of an eye, they were surrounding him hovering over him with concerned eyes and uncontrolled movement, fanning him, rubbing his back and forcing water down his mouth. Nothing seemed to work, Taehyung was hyperventilating, and they were not helping.

  
Taehyungs' ears were ringing, the words the members spoke were faded as if they were underwater. He couldn't hear them; they seemed far away, out of his reach. Did they abandon him? Was he not good enough for them?

  
"Move, give him space," Yoongi instructed pushing the others away from Taehyung, kneeling in front of him.

"Is he okay?" Jimin asked worriedly.

"He's having a panic attack," Yoongi replayed trying to take hold of Taehyungs' clenched fists.

"You're okay, hyung is here" He whispered, "You're okay," Yoongi repeated guiding Taehyungs' palm to his chest making the younger feel his steady heartbeat. "I've got you, hyungs' got you," He promised.

  
"Breath slowly," He instructed. "Taehyung?" He called when the younger did not respond. "Tae Tae," He called again trying to grab his attention. Taehyung looked at him with blown pupils, eyes wide and unfocused. He called out his name a couple more times until he felt like the younger was looking at him and could hear him.

"It's okay, you're fine." Yoongi reassured, "Just breath with me, in and out." he guided "In and out, in and out." he repeated.

It took time, but after a few minutes Taehyungs' breathing became somewhat normal, and his chest didn't hurt as badly. He was still struggling to breathe comfortably, but he was safe now. He felt shaken, vulnerable he thought he was going to die. He couldn't breathe, he was scared.

  
"Are you okay?" Jin asked lovingly running his fingers through the youngers hair hoping to console him.

  
Instead of giving a response, Taehyung rushed to the nearest bathroom locking himself in and emptying the content of his stomach. He lurched forward and sunk to his knees leaning over the toilet bowl his stomach kept on contracting violently and forcing everything up and out. His face was white and dripping bile, sweat, and tears. His throat felt sore from the stomach acid that was layering it, and his mouth tasted of vomit.

  
He could hear the members out the door knocking violently demanding that he let them in so they could help him. Taehyung paid them no mind. When he was sure, there was nothing more to vomit he pushed himself to his feet and tumbled to the sink. Taehyung did quick work of washing his mouth all while avoiding look at his reflection. He was sure he looked pathetic, god he felt sorry for himself.

  
"Taehyung please," Jimin pleaded at the other side of the door. To think they were skin close less than an hour ago, safe in their universe. Taehyung wanted to go there, to be back in the security of Jimines' arms sheltered by the cover and protected by his body heat. He stayed still, not answering his friend focusing on controlling his breathing. Breath in, breath out, just like Yoongi had taught him.

In

  
Out

  
In

  
Out

  
In

  
Out

 

A wave of violent coughs took over him; he was coughing and coughing until chunks of blood came out painting the white marble sink a sickly shade of red.

 

 

 

 

 

  
 

 

________________________________________

This is my [main](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard) Tumblr account.

This is my "[BTS](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/jiminvminteahyung)" side Tumblr account.

The [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MagLTd27gMI).

My little sisters' new [Instagram fan page](https://www.instagram.com/bts_are_dna/).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise again for taking so long. I wish I could say it won't happen again but I would be lying to you then. I just started my second semester at the university ever and I'm taking 6 courses. It's a hand full and I might have bit more than I could chew. I'm sorry I don't know when is the next time you should expect an update. I hope you understand, I'll work hard on writing when I get the chance. I purple you all!


	12. Question!!!!

Don't kill me, please! 

I know, I know that was a big ass cliffhanger, and you all want to know what's going to happen and to tell you the truth I wasn't planning on ending it there. I originally had a soft and cute ending to the chapter. But, me being me, I grew impatient. I took my sweet time writing it; you guys survived precisely 22 days without an update! I felt guilty, and the chapter was almost 5k already writing more would have just made the chapter longer than it needed to be. Anyway, all excuses aside let's talk about the real deal.

Firstly, I wanted to tell you guys that I have posted the deleted scenes on Tumblr. Two, one on [Jungkook](https://jiminvminteahyung.tumblr.com/post/182457151726/deleted-scene-1) which I think is important for you to read and the other is on [Taehyung](https://jiminvminteahyung.tumblr.com/post/182457233361/deleted-scene-2). To be honest, the second one is a bit long (1K) and no that important, its deleted after all. However the one regarding Jungkook I think its something you should read. It reveals bits of his character, and I'm honestly regretting not including it. I had difficulty transitioning from there to the next scene, so I ended up deleting it. It's short and very poorly written, of course since I removed it!

Secondly, Sarah (my sister) has been nagging me to do a "get to know the author" kind of chapter? I don't know what that supposed to mean but anyway, are you guys interested? I highly doubt any of you would take the time to read it, and  I don't want to write one if you're not curious about me or slightly interested.

Lastly, I started an Instagram AU fanfic taegi/vmin on wattpad. Its written through Instagram posts, comments and DMs. I might add actual chapters if I think the story would need it. The fic is supposed to be a quick read, light and entertaining which I hope would allow me to post more frequently. Are any of you interested in reading it? If so I'll post it here on AO3. Let me know what you want.

 

I'm not sure if you noticed yet or not, but I changed the description of the story, what do you think? I hope its as interesting as I believe it is. Another question, none of you said anything about the vmin moment that happened in the last chapter, didn't you like it?


	13. Thick, Deadly And So Lonely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read the chapter, let's take a moment to appreciate the book and everyone who read it. I'm so grateful for all of you. Six thousand seven hundred ninety hits, do you understand how many people that is? All of whom took the time out of their day to read what I have written, in shitty quality!
> 
> I'm blown away by the number, that much? My god, some of you, are waiting for the next chapter, waiting! I know that a great deal of the people reading this story never really stay for long. Some might have stopped at the first chapter, maybe second, third, fourth and then had enough. I'm still grateful to them, for trying to read, for reading that much but I'm even more thankful for the ones who stayed, who are still reading and anticipating the next update.
> 
> Thank you all for reading my book, I purple you!!!!

His eyes were glued to the red patch, unblinking trying to comprehend what it all means. Time stopped as Taehyung struggled to accept his fate. He was changed, a different person than he was at the start of the year, month and week. He was not the same Taehyung who began the day. That Taehyung, from mere hours ago was innocent, carefree and naive. The person he was now, the Taehyung he became is different. This one was tainted, evil corrupting his inside and a million problems older. It took his own blood and a couple of minutes to change him, and Taehyung already missed his older self.

Time stopped, or perhaps he was the one who stopped keeping up with it, chasing the seconds as they passed him by. Time was moving forward while he was frozen in his spot, afraid and confused. It didn't stop for him; time didn't wait for Taehyung to catch his breath, collect his thoughts or control his emotions. No, it left him in the past. It left him lost and disoriented and walked right past him with no regard. Time was precious, too valuable and scarce to stop for someone as insignificant as Taehyung. He was nothing compared to time, so he was left behind.

Taehyung was forgotten, standing still, listing to the tick of the clock behind him and the plop of blood dripping from his parted lips. He was overlooked as the world kept turning. His friends continued on calling out his name, pounding on the door begging him to open up not realizing that he was no longer with them. He was no longer their Taehyung; he was not even his own but the puppet of destiny playing out the script it composed for him.

He was having an out of body experience. Taehyung watched as his body moved on its own accords controlled by orders that were not his. He watched with cloudy mind and eyes his shaky hand reach for the faucet. He saw his fingers miss the handle twice and struggle to push it up on the third try from how bad he was trembling. When the water started running, Taehyung observed with fascination as clear water mixed with the sickly red shade of his blood creating a lighter pinkish colour and slowly fading away. He watched the blood gradually disappear, gone without a trace leaving no proof of it ever exciting. Taehyung wished he could do the same to his memories. Slowly wash them away, removing any recollection of this incident so he could go back to his old self. So he could continue on living as he was and not be trapped inside the walls of his ruined body with a stranger.

A moment ago he was standing up on his two feet, and the next Taehyung found himself on the bathroom floor. He sat, back straight and legs spread out in front of him staring at a distance feeling numb to the word and the cold tile under him. He was wrong, it wasn't a one-time thing, and this time he couldn't brush it off. Taehyung couldn't turn a blind eye, overlook what needed his immediate attention. This was serious, dangerous and bigger than him; he needed to take action.

What should he do? Should he tell the others? The management? Their fans? If he did, what would he tell them? Maybe he should figure this all on his own first, find out what was wrong before telling anyone? The questions kept running around in his head unanswered driving Taehyung insane. He couldn't stand listening to them echo, repeating themselves over and over again leaving him even more confused than he was.

Taehyung didn't know how long he stayed like that, lost and senseless to his surrounding counting the faint ticking of the clock until his brain couldn't provide him with the next number. He remained indifferent to his feelings drifting in a state of denial accepting then unaccepting the events that had played out in front of him. It felt like he was sitting there for years feet a blueish shade of purple from the coldness of the flooring beneath him and goosebumps covering his golden skin. The name calling has stopped a while back; maybe they had given up on him? His mind was too clouded and hazy to pick up noises coming from behind the door or follow his bandmates movements.

Taehyung sighed his worried weighting down on his chest. He was not troubled for his own but rather the others, his members. What if something terrible was going on with him? What if he was _sick_ sick? How could he tell them then? Should he even mention it to them? How would he manage to keep this a secret until he was sure of what was going on? They were already behaving like cats on a hot roof, anxious and concerned for him over last night. What will they do if they found out about the blood? The weight lost? The tightness in his chest and his struggle to breathe? They would be so worried; it would trouble them gravely. He can't let them know!

It wasn't long before noises arose from the other side, right behind the door. The voices of his members speaking words his ears did not catch, forming sentences his mind did not process. He remained unaffected by them, lost in now what appears to be the ruins of his kingdom. All he could think about was red, red, red and how much he hated that colour. It was cursed, or perhaps he was the one who's cursed, doomed to suffer for the remaining days of his possibly short life. The world was so cruel to him; just when he got everything he ever wanted, it was slipping right through his fingers.

He didn't flinch when the door was flung open, the booming sound of the metal handle colliding with the marble walls reverberating in the small space. He did not respond when six figures loomed over him, engulfing him in their shadows. They were the future, and he was forgotten history; he could not reach them. There was a barrier between them, him and the real world, the living world. It was three-dimensional, made of glass showing him everything he could have had, everything he had lost in clarity. He could hear their faded voices speaking to him from a remote place, somewhere out of his reach. He could feel six set of hands touching him; they felt like a memory as if he was recalling a delicate dream. They were feeling him, their skin on his, stroking his cheeks, rubbing his frozen feet, massaging his thighs and caressing his hair.

He doesn't remember much; everything happened in a haze. A glass of water was shoved into his view at some point, the liquid forced down his throat until he felt like he was drowning in it. A comforting weight of the livingrooms' blanket as now set on his spread out legs protecting his dainty feet from the cold. Words foreign to his ears were uttered, in a language, he once knew. Everything was hazy, blurry and gauzy. All the movements around him melted into a gentle motion. The noises bleed into a perfect melody, a lovely sound he was not a part of.

Sooner rather than later, everything around him halted. The voices stopped talking, movements were stilled, and he was left alone once again, or he thought he was. For a moment, he believed that he was left alone to his own device to deal with his sorrow. He was so earnestly immersed in his thoughts, drowning in a red ocean. Thick, deadly and so lonely, a hell made only for his suffering that he didn't see or hear the person next to him.

The curse he was trapped in was broken when a supportive arm was placed on his shoulder, wrapped around his tense muscles. The glass barrier that isolated him shattered at the contact, turning into fairy dust as Taehyung was magically thrown back into the present time. He returned a changed person, bones heavy with weights of worries he was burdened with carrying alone. In a rush of time his senses returned, he could feel again, breathe again and hear again. He felt the warm presence of a person sitting next to him. Both of their thighs were pressed against each other, the persons' arm around his shoulder and their lips ghosting the shell of his ears whispering to him words of condolence.

"It's okay," the voice whispered. "I've got you, your fine. You're going to be just fine." he breathlessly said.

Taehyung was too far gone to recognize him. His mind was on shut down, barely thinking, barely functioning. He found himself incapable of matching a name with the sweet voice. However the man felt like home, and that was comforting enough for him to lower down his defensive weapons. By nature, he was a delicate rose, his emotions protected by sharp poisonous thorns and thick spine. The forbidden fruit restricted to be touched or approached. What lies within him was a secret shared only with his soul. Yet, in his state of despair amidst the broken pieces of his heart, Taehyung allowed the petals to fall undone, one after the other till he was stripped off his walls.

It started with a soft whine, a low protestant, he didn't want to cry in front of him or the others. But Taehyung was not fine, he won't be fine, and might never ever be fine again. His eyes were burning as tears of frustration gathered, his tongue heavy with secrets he can't share. The drops of pain fell quietly from his eyes, burning his rosy cheeks with regret. One after the other they fell until he couldn't stand it anymore. Taehyung choked out a sob his tears bursting forth like water from a dam, spilling down his face. Taehyungs chin quivered as if he was a small child. He breathed in heavily chocking on saliva and gasping for air that simply wasn't there. His throat burned, forming a soundless scream that didn't dare leave his parted lips. His shaking fist came to his face, trying to wipe his pain away desperately. Taehyung bit his lips furiously forcing his screams in, swallowing the cries of help his soul was shrieking. The arm around him tightened pulling him closer to their owner. He was gently manhandled into a hug, his face buried into the man's chest as his fingers danced on Taehyungs spine trying to soothe him.

"It's okay," the voice repeated.

No, he wasn't.

In response, Taehyung surrendered the control he had. His body began shaking, the sobs punching through, ripping within his muscles, bones, and guts. He sobbed into his members' chest unceasingly, hands clutching at the fabric of their shirt desperately. He clung to him as if it was his lifeline, shrinking his body to fit into the persons' arms wanting so badly to disappear into nothing, to wake up from this nightmare. In return the man held him in silence, rocking him slowly as his tears soaked his shirt whispering words of comfort that didn't seem to reach the younger ears.

Taehyung cried, kicked and screamed. He cried out of fear, fear for his life and his future that was overtaken by darkness. He feared the pain he'll unintentionally cause his dear friends and family. He was afraid of death, of the unknown and the short distance separating them. He cried in regret, regret for not appreciating the thing he had, regret for not achieving everything he wanted, and most importantly regret for not taking care of himself and allowing his health to deteriorate to this degree. He cried out of grief, grief of parting with his innocence, grief of falling into sin and grief of saying goodbye to the world.

His heart-wrenching cries filled the quiet apartment. It was as if every sound that escaped Taehyungs mouth was set to the frequency that would shatter their hearts to pieces again and again and again. In the boys sobbing was the sound of a heart breaking. Hearts don't snap like brittle caramel or burst like an overfilled balloon — a heart breaks in the heaving waves of a new disturbing reality that has arrived uninvited. In his vocal cries, the others could hear his world shattering, crumbling down and dissolving into ruins.

In all honesty, the members didn't know how to feel. Never have they ever seen Taehyung, their precious little baby wail that way. He was a quiet crier, silent in his pain. He never openly, no, vocally cried in that tone. It was bone-chilling to listen to his broken whimpers, the little gasp of breath and the choking sound of his sobs. Their hearts were breaking for him, their gut twisting uncomfortably and ears ringing at the loud volume of Taehyungs' cries.

They were befuddled, no matter how badly they wanted to soothe the younger they found themselves unable to deal with the problem at hand. It all happened so quickly, they were having breakfast one minute, and in a blick of an eye they were fighting, then Taehyung couldn't breathe, he was crying, and suddenly he was hyperventilating. It happened so quickly; they didn't have time to react.

Everything was a mess, starting from yesterday after finding Taehyung in the tub, everything was falling apart, and it frustrated them to no end being left in the dark, oblivious to why all of this was occurring. They couldn't figure out what had set the younger off. What upset him so much? Did they hurt his feelings with their harsh words? No, no matter how hurt he was, he never cried like that, it doesn't add up. Up until him emptying his stomach out in the bathroom things made sense.

They could understand his panic, Taehyung had the tendency of "shutting down" whenever he disappointed someone, and he had felt like he had disappointed them, especially Namjoon and Yoongi and that was worse in his book. He was a complicated person, cheeky and lively on stage, a tad bit confident with his voice and looks and extremely humble with his talent.

Unlike Jimin, who always wanted to exceed everybody's expectations of him, Taehyung had a weird understanding with himself, he excepted that he was not the best, that he was nothing extraordinary, he did the best he could, and that was enough for Taehyung. However, that understanding was only regarding his talent, his singing, dancing and performing.

When it came to personality, individual actions and behaviour Taehyung was not as lenient with himself. In this aspect is where he and Jimin contradict. When it came to his character and the way he acts, Jimin was accepting. He was on his best behaviour alway, kind, polite and well spoken to everyone and for that, he felt like he owned nothing to anybody. That was him, who he really was and he liked the person he was. Nothing and nobody could change that.

However, Taehyung felt otherwise in that matter. He was least confident in who he was, in his choices and actions as a person. He was never really normal or ordinary but rather peculiar and odd. He was neon yellow, very out there, standing out whereas everyone else was pastel, light and soft colours blending in, fitting with each other, and that had always made him insecure. He felt the need to please every living person who came in contact with him. It was abnormal how invested he was with being his best for others and not himself — sometimes abandoning his needs, preferences and happiness to please the other party. He'll get restless when someone was upset with him or when he does something wrong. It's in moments like this; he falls in a hole of self-hatred, he'll drown himself in his insecurities and guilt.

So, they understood why he would panic, why he lashed out for upsetting Namjoon and Yoongi. Throwing up was reasonable as well, he could still be a little feverish from the night before or merely his body's reaction to panicking. That, they knew and could deal with. But this, whatever is making him scream his soul out, God, those sounds leaving his shaking bod, this, they did not understand or knew how to deal with.

Jin, Yoongi, Namjoon, Jimin and Jungkook waited in the living room. They were restless pacing, fidgeting and bouncing their feet unable to stay still. Namjoon, in particular, felt the most. He had deemed himself guilty of sending the younger into a state of panic, he was too harsh, he did not choose his words wisely, and this was all his fault.

None of the others said anything to ease his guilt, he never voiced it, but they felt it hanging above his head in the form of dark, gloomy clouds shedding silent tears. They knew he was blaming himself; he knew they knew he was blaming himself yet they both said nothing. The others didn't find it fair to give their leader the privilege of easing his worries when Taehyungs cries were ringing in their ears.

Perhaps it was cruel of them, it probably was, but Namjoon should have thought before he spoke. They had warned him, Jin had warned him over and over again, shushing him, rephrasing his words and trying to step between him and Taehyung yet the younger didn't listen, and this is the outcome of that.

It was heartbreaking; still, it was his own doing, and he had to take responsibility for it. This is a lesson to be learned; he had hurt his friend, his family by not thinking before speaking. It was the hard way to learn his lesson, but Namjoon won't be making this mistake again, and that's what matters.

Jungkook sighed to what seemed like the millionth time eyes darting to the hallway where he could see glimpses of Hoseok comforting a hysterical Taehyung. The crying boy was unresponsive, almost unaware of the comforting presence of his hyung. The need to make his existence made aware of by the older was nearly uncontrollable. Jungkook wanted so badly to tell him he was there for him, they were there for him yet his legs wouldn't take him to his suffering hyung.

He couldn't find it in himself to keep watching, the image of his hyungs' shaking body breaking his heart to pieces. He moved his eyes elsewhere, trying to block everything out. They landed on Jimin, who was sitting right across of him. He studied the older, taking in his poster and tense muscles. He had a permanent looking scowl, his brows knitted together and lips turn downwards showing his displeaser of the situation. He kept cracking his knuckles, running his hands through his hair and taking in deep breaths. Jimin was mad, he concluded, no, livid. Jungkook could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears and nose. He was ticking, ready to explode, just looking at him made Jungkook nervous.

The makne shifted his sight to Yoongi, he looked oddly normal, unaffected and surprisingly at ease. The rapper was behaving uncharacteristically. He was the only relaxed person in the room, his body melting into the cushions underneath him curling into a comfortable position. Seeing how okay he was, how untouched he was, Jungkook found himself getting annoyed, slightly angry at the older.

Deciding that an angry Jimin was enough anger for all of them, he moved to the next person. Namjoon, he, well, he looked pathetic. There is no more helpful way to phrase it. He was crying softly to himself, nose running and eyes bloodshot. Both of his hand were between his thighs, body rocking back and forth in an attempt to calm himself. It didn't work; it only served to make him more anxious than he was. A dark and twisted side of Jungkook was satisfied with what he saw. A tiny little part of him was glad Namjoon was hurting too, just like he had hurt Taehyung, or maybe not because, by the sound of it, no one could feel his pain. Feeling guilty for his own feeling Jungkook moved to Jin.

He was the only one standing, pacing nervously around the living room biting his nails. Jin was basically a mirror reflecting all of their feelings. Jungkook could see a fire of rage burning in his eyes as he threw daggers at Namjoon. Catching himself in the act, Jin's eyes widened once he realized what he was doing. He lowered his eyes in shame, feeling guilty and bais. Feeling defeated, he dragged his limbs to the sofa and sat down next to Yoongi. Somehow he managed to calm himself down, he relaxed, muscles loosening up and head thrown back comfortable in his position. A loud cry came from the bathroom sending him back into a miserable mood and nervous pacing.

After what felt like years of waiting, Hoseok walked into the living room with Taehyung in his arms. The dancer was visibly struggling with carrying the younger. It seemed like he had attempted to lift him bridal style, however, ended up with wrapping his arms around Taehyung in an uncomfortable way. Throughout the small distance Hoseok crossed with the tiered boy in his hold from the hallway to the couch he kept adjusting his grip, bouncing Taehyungs' body on his hips to hold him tighter.

A mix of fear and emotional exhaustion kept the rest of the members frozen in their spot. They were unable to offer help both physically and verbally to a struggling Hoseok, extremely captivated by Taehyungs change of appearance. He was a weathering flower, dull and colourless. His body portrayed defeat, surrender and submission. Whatever demon possessed his inside, Taehyung had yielded to the lies it fed him. All they could see was the damage his secrets were causing, the aftermath, outcome and the destruction.

There was no power in his body; he was almost lifeless letting Hoseok manhandle him as he pleased. Taehyung was out of it, eyes unfocused in a trance staring at things they couldn't see. His cheeks were rosy and raw with trails of dried salt, eyes red-rimmed, lashes sticking together, nose red and running. He was a mess, a complete and utter mess. The sight of him was beautiful yet heartbreaking to see. There was beauty behind his brokenness, defenselessness and vulnerability. It was painful, tender and exposed but it was beauty and beauty is pain. That's what Taehyung was, pain for them both yet he was beautiful in every form, emotion and breath.

They observed with sorrow filled eyes as Hoseok gently placed him on a single sofa. Taehyung was unresponsive, falling back into the seat continuing to stare at nothing. Silently, they gathered around him swallowing him in their shadows, towering over his figure with theirs. Taehyung paid them no mind; he was trapped inside a prison of his own making.

Jimin breathed in, his eyes watering as he waited patiently for someone to break the silence. He refused to look at anyone other than Taehyung, struggling to stop himself from blinking. He was afraid, terrified of missing him, of not being able to protect him from himself, from his own demons. Jimins' hands were itching, throbbing with want, with the need to touch the boy in front of him. He wanted to reassure himself physically, he was fine, he was there, Jimin could see all of that; however, it wasn't enough. He needs to touch, to feel his warmth yet he made no move to satisfie his needs. He was overtaken with the fear of breaking him. Taehyung looked so fragile, weak and small his body and mind nearly crushing under the weight of his worries that Jimin feared he would break him if he as much as grazed his finger over Taehyungs' soft skin.

Watching Taehyung being numb to the world around him Yoongi felt numb himself. His heart was filled with different emotions, all of them cramping up the space in his heart, exceeding its capacity yet his mind was empty, void of thoughts. The silence in his head was too loud he couldn't process the emotions swirling around in his heart, so he felt nothing. He was emotionless, numb to his pain and Tarhyungs', drifting in a galaxy of emptiness.

"What happened?"

His voice sounded alien to his ears; he didn't recognize it. It was cold nothing like the warm sound he reserved only for them. His voice was cold, freezing just like his inside.

Hoseok sighed, covering his face with both of his hands rubbing it furiously that his skin turned raw. He took a deep breath letting his fingers disappear between strands of his now greasy hair. Their attention was on him, watching him expectantly. They waited for him to answer.

After breaking the lock to the bathroom door and finding a traumatized Taehyunh, Hoseok was the only one strong enough to provide comfort to the boy lost amidst the mess of his broken pieces. They couldn't listen to his cries, couldn't bear watching him shatter into nothingness. They were suffering from being this close to him yet helpless in comforting him. So one by one, Hoseok excused them telling them to wait while he dealt with Taehyung. He saw them standing in the edge of a breakdown, so he let them go, he spared them the suffering and felt their pain for them.

"I don't know, " he confessed, "He wasn't responding to me at first, completely ignoring me." Hoseok muttered stealing a glance at the younger "but then, I don't know what happened, I touched him and he just-" he stopped voice heavy with emotions "he just broke down."

"Did he say anything?" Jin asked eyes shining with hope. He was hoping for hints that can help them figure out why Taehyung was crying.

Hoseok shook his head in frustration. Taehyung had said nothing. He was quiet for the most part and vocal for the last of it, screaming in anguish and crying desperately. He gave no clues on what had upset him this much; it couldn't be just Namjoon there was more to it, they were confident.

"Maybe we should ask him, calmly?" Jungkook suggested hesitantly uncertain of its effectiveness.

"I don't think he can talk Kooki," Hoseok replied apologetically.

"It doesn't hurt to try." Yoongi encouraged.

They all faced Jin, wordlessly telling him to give it a shot, trusting him with Taehyung. The oldest sighed, agreeing that he was the best choice. He got to his knees in front of Taehyung, so they were eye levelled. He placed both of his trembling hands on the younger knees gently squeezing them in a comforting manner.

"Taehyung," he mumbled softy afraid he would scare the stunned boy.

Taehyung didn't move; he continued gazing into a distance lost in his own little world. He was oblivious to their presence, not feeling Jin's hands on him. Where was he?

"Taehyung," He called a little louder this time.

It did the trick, Taehyung jumped back blinking rapidly. His eyes started to focus as he took control of his body slowly. Jin saw confusion dominate his future as Taehyung took a look around him. He didn't know where he was at first, for a second too; Jin believed he didn't recognize them as well. Then in clicked, He watched as Taehyung put the pieces together. It was like a switch was flipped, spotlight, roll and action Taehyung took the stage. He was preparing to act his part; the happy go lucky boy with the most beautiful boxy smile that the world has ever seen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest with you; I'm not pleased with this chapter. Something about it feels off to me. I think I could have done a better job writing it. The start was good; I think the middle not that much but the end, well, its a mix of both. The first part of the end I think was very good but then the ending itself was shitty. What do you think? The chapter is 4638 words long yet I somehow feel like I rushed through it, does it feel like that to you too?
> 
> I don't know if you noticed, but there are quite a few references to previous chapters, some things that are happening here are also explained or hinted at in previous chapters. I'm leaving holes and gaps for you to fill, if you were paying attention you'd catch on but if you don't then feel free to ask. 
> 
> If I confused you in the story or by this note, please let me know so I can clear up any misunderstandings or anything of that sort!
> 
> Anyway, I'm really curious about you guys, would you mind telling me about yourselves? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I'll share some things too.
> 
> How are you? How's your day? I hope you had a wonderful one. Now, let's start:
> 
> I don't think I'll give my name away, but I'll give you hints. It means secrets in English, and it begins with an A. You can call me both if you want, Secrets or A. What is yours? I'm 18 turning 19 in three, almost two months, how old are you? I'm an Arab, shocking I know! That's why my English is not the best, sorry about that, lol. Where are you from? I'm a freshman at University majoring in accounting. What do you study? Are you in school or university? Feed my curiosity, lol.


	14. White Lies & Black Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told a lovely reader (yeehaw) that this chapter was a filler, apparently, I can't stick to my own words. I still kept it short though, sorry about that. Fair warning before you read, it's angsty and shitty, you have been warned!!!!

The silence was too loud that their ears rang, and their heart shook with every noiseless second that passed them by. They said nothing; mouth sewed shut. The boys kept their worries to themselves, afraid they would overwhelm Taehyung with all the questions running around in their heads. Their eyes regarded the boy in front of them with all the care in the world, genuinely concerned for his wellbeing. Taehyung looked back at them with the same level of warmth, a soft smile drawn on his pink lips and eyes dripping honey on their sweet-starved souls.

  
It was agonizing to sit and watch as Taehyung took his stage. Jin analyzed his every action, heart getting heavy with every move the younger made. As soon as he snapped out of his trance, Taehyung shut himself back in shielding his vulnerability from their prying eyes. He aligned his back and revealed his perfect teeth in his signature boxy smile. His eyes glistened with all the stars he stole from the night sky, bright and sparkling.

 

"I'm fine," was the first thing Taehyung blurted out, without being asked. His smile widened as he leaned forth closer to Jin who had both of his hands on his knees. Taehyung reached out for him, linking their hands together. His hands were cold when they touched Jins'. _He must be freezing_ he thought, rubbing the youngers hand in his to warm them up. Taehyung sighed contently at the warmth, body relaxing a quiet 'thanks' leaving his mouth.

  
"Come on," Jin huffed impatiently a sliver of disappointment swirling in his eyes "You know better than that." he insisted. He brought the youngers hand to his lips, blowing gently on them.

"I mean it, I'm f-"

"What's the point in lying when both of us know that's not the truth, Taehyung?" Jin urged sounding somewhat hurt. He lowered Taehyuns hand eyes boring into the younger "Tell me," he looked around, observing the five boys surrounding them, waiting anxiously, on their knees as well "Tell us," he paused for a couple of seconds giving the younger the opportunity to have a look at the members himself.

  
He did, Taehyung looked around. Yoongi was the first to his right. He sat crossed legged, hands disappearing into the space between his thigs. The rapper held his gaze, eyes unblinking. All Taehyung could see was confusion, an entire galaxy of it. The familiar buzz of anxiety under his skin returned; he could feel panic crawling in his soul. He felt naked under the older boy gaze; his walls did nothing to protect him. Why is he looking at me like that? He wondered body nervously shrinking into itself trying to hide as much of it as he could. Had Yoongi figured it out, did he know that he was changed now? A different Taehyung than the one he used to be? Taehyung closed his eyes facing away from the rapper whimpering softly.

"What's wrong baby?" Jin asked gently.

"Hyung," Taehyung whined pleadingly, he didn't know what to say, torn between spilling his secrets and keeping them. His heart was monstrous in his chest, racing and lashing out. He was terribly aware of the blood rushing through his veins. The thick liquid was warm, flowing through his channels, and melting his inside.

"Don't worry, I'm fine I pro-" he hesitated, nervous eyes finding Namjoons' guilty ones "I mean it." Taehyung finished looking away trying to hide how hurt he was. Your promises don't mean shit; the words were echoing inside his skull, bruising his brain every time they repeat themselves. He couldn't get them out of his head. They didn't trust him, Namjoon doesn't trust him, how could work and be around someone who didn't trust him?

  
Namjoon hung his head down in shame, witnessing Taehyungs hesitation in promising. The damage was of his own doing; he made him insecure, doubtful of himself afraid to do something as simple as making a promise. What kind of a leader was he, bringing his member down rather than lifting him, boosting his confidence and self-love? Namjoon bit his lips, eyes glazed over as tears gathered in them. What has he done?

 

"Tae, love," Jin called grabbing the youngers attention "Don't make me beg, because I will." he insisted eyes challenging the younger to disobey him. He hated to use such methods to make Taehyung spill his worries to them but desperate times call for desperate measures, and Jin was beyond desperate. By now, he was prepared to do anything to make the younger talk.

  
"It's silly, really." He vowed, trying to dismiss the issue stopping when Jin gave him a warning look "Just a couple of things been on my mind lately-" he admitted bitting his lips "and the fight today, I don't know, overwhelmed me I guess." Taehyung explained, not wanting Jin to go through with his promise "I cried it out, no worries I'm good to go!" He giggled brushing it off as if it was nothing.

  
"Kim Taehyung!" Hoseok shrieked bewilderingly making the boys around him wince at the volume of his voice. The dancer stared wide-eyed at the sheepish boy not believing his answer.

"What?" he chuckled nervously hand scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

"You don't joke about things like this!" He scolded sternly pointing his finger at him "This is serious, Taehyung." the rapper insisted upset that the younger was not taking this seriously "You need to look after your mental health. This is not something you should be neglectful of. " he urged "Crying it off is not healthy, we must talk about this!"

  
Taehyung looked down having the decency to look flustered with himself. He nervously pulled at the dead skin around his nails avoiding Hoseoks eyes. He should really get a manicure, his hands looked disgusting.

  
"You're right," He breathed, more engrossed in his fingers than the boys around him. "That's not healthy" Taehyung admitted finally meeting the dancers' eyes. They were devoted, drowning every inch of him in until all he knew was his soul. "I..." It was at the tip of his tongue, all his secrets stood dangerously close to the edge, praying and pleading to be told. They were creeping up his throat digging their vicious claws in his vocal cords.

  
The secret, his secret, the one he can't seem to share was bigger than him, bigger than them and bigger than all of the seven combined. Taehyung fought it, he fought the vulnerability, plea and pain chained to his secrets, letting his words get pulled back down sinking them into his heart once again. He wanted to share the burden of worrying with the others, he wanted their sympathy, compassion, attention, he wanted to be smothered with affection and care; still, he couldn't find it in himself to be selfish. He'll continue to choke every breath in so they could sleep the night away, soundly without demons plaguing their slumber.

  
"I shouldn't have let it go this far," He acknowledged voice heavy with all the secrets left untold. Hoseok smiled at his words, believing that he had solved the problem that Taehyung would learn and share, he was wrong.

  
Taehyung sighed, sensing the members' anticipation for an explanation. He ignored it, pretending like he didn't see it acting oblivious as if he didn't know them by heart. He smiled back eyes shining with gratitude, he placed both of his hands on the sofa arms on each side of him.

  
"Next time, I'll make sure to talk to one of you-" Taehyung vowed pushing himself up getting on his feet.

"Sit your ass back down,"

Taehyung froze mouth gaped and eyes wide open staring at Jimin. The coldness in his voice and the calm tone he used didn't match the storm in his eyes. His eyes were raging with angry waves, wind violent and lightning blinding. It was nothing like the soft and calm waves he was drowning in this morning. Jimins' eyes were burning holes into his bones.

  
Taehyung sat back down stunned unable to comprehend all the emotions pulsing in his heart, travelling with the thick blood in his veins all over his body.

  
"Talk," Jimin demanded standing his ground. Neither his voice nor his cold stare wavered at the flashes of hurt showing in Taehyungs eyes.

  
No one said a word, this, that was a new side of Jimin they were introduced to. Shockingly to those who have only known the kind and sweet side of the dancer, Jimin had his episodes, like any other human being. They were always brief and didn't last long, it was nothing but a side effect of working under pressure. It's a first, to see him lose his composure especially with Taehyung, Jimins' little angel that deserved nothing but kindness in his eyes.

  
"I said" Jimin repeated looking at the younger dangerously "Talk."

 

"I-" Taehyung felt trapped, cornered by the beast. His eyes watered, feeling overwhelmed by the confrontation. "Something's wrong." He mumbled avoiding Jimins' eyes. He couldn't stand looking at them when they lacked passion.

  
"What do you mean?" Yoongi rushed out panicked. His worries of the past two weeks came back as vivid as ever. His heart was beating fast in his chest, going wild. What if his fears were true? What if it wasn't a one-time thing?

  
Taehyung gulped, seeing the panic in Yoongis' eyes. The rapper knew something, he could tell. The fact that Yoongi might have figured something out, that he might have guessed that something was wrong with him almost send Taehyung into a state of panic. His mind was fuzzy as it tried to come up with cover stories, forcing excuses out of his mouth in a heartbeat.

  
"My voice," Taehyung exclaimed "I don't know if you hear it too, but-" he caressed his throat gingerly a pained expression drawn on his face "It sounds different," he whispered out.

  
"And?" Jungkook asked impatiently, wanting an explanation. His eyes were wide and pleading as they looked into Taehyungs, his lips were red and puffy from chewing on them with his sharp bunny like front teeth.

  
"We're going on tour soon." Taehyung recalled, "In how many days?" he wondered out loud.

"13," came Hoseoks' faint reply.

  
"13," Taehyung repeated nodding to himself "That's not too far," He whispered getting lost in his world, he needs to figure his shit out before then.

  
"Hyung," Jungkook called, pulling the older from his thoughts.

  
"Oh," Taehyung said surprised, "umm, yes, my voice." he sighed "It sounds different, deeper if I could say so."

  
"And this is a problem because?" Jin wondered not catching on.

  
"The album, it's quite cheery I guess. The songs are light, happy and playful. Like GO GO and Best Of Me." he explained, "But my voice, right now, sounds nothing like the recording, it sounds so-" Taehyung stopped, choking on his emotions. "I sound so angry." He breathed out. Tears of guilt gathered in his eyes. Lies; he was saying lies. Little white lies that held some of the truth yet hid the rest effectively.

  
"Oh baby, It's because of the cough you have," Jin reassured squeezing the youngers' hand.

  
"But I don't want the Army's to think I'm cheating them by sounding so different from the recording. I've been practicing so hard, but no matter how long I sing I don't sound the same." Taehyungs heart broke, as he gave pieces of himself to the devil, yielding to temptations and committing a sin. Telling lies that took away his innocence.

  
"Taehyung," Yoongi said grabbing the boys' attention "You can't control it, kid. The cough you have is affecting how your voice sound. It's okay, Army will understand, nobody will hate you for something you can't control." He comforted the younger.

  
"They will not hate me?" Taehyung asked, hating himself for acting, faking this to conceal the bigger issue. Why can't he just tell the truth?

  
"No hyung, they will never," Jungkook answered confidently.

  
"Okay," Taehyung whispered a small smile curving his lips.

 

Throughout the whole interaction, Jimin stayed quiet. He said nothing focusing all his attention on observing Taehyung. He caught every letter that fell off his lips, read every emotion that flashed in his eyes and studied every expression his face made out. He wanted to unravel the secret his best friend was hiding. Jimins' fist clenched as he tried to contain the hurt and betrayal he felt. Why would Taehyung keep secrets from him? They say everything to each other, always have and always promised to do. Why is Taehyung not keeping his promises?

 

"That's not it." Jimin broke the silence, voice void of any emotions "There is more," He concluded, "Talk."

 

Taehyung bit his lips, looking away trying to find another lie to tell. He ignored the little voice inside his head begging him to stop, to tell the truth, while he could. To admit that he was confused, distressed and scared. The voice screamed at him to confess that he didn't know what's wrong with him, that evil was corrupting his inside, and he didn't know what to do. But he couldn't, all he could do is lie.

  
"I'm losing weight," Taehyung ejaculated nervously cowering away from their eyes.

  
"We know," Hoseok whispered so quietly.

Taehyungs eyes shot to find Hoseoks', they were wide and shocked, staring at the dancer in disbelief.

"How?" He demanded to know.

"When we got you out of the tub," Jis answered cautiously not wanting to set the younger off "you were naked, and we saw."

  
"It doesn't look healthy," Yoongi added looking him up and down brows knitted in a worried frown. The action lit a spark of anger in Taehyungs chest, irritating him. He hated the way they were looking at him, with pity eyes illuminated with sorrow. He felt week and broken under their concerned gaze, more than he already was and it made him angry.

  
"You don't need to lose weight hyung. Why are you hurting yourself?" Jungkook questioned, voice portraying how upset he was.

  
"No!" Taehyung cried jumping to his feet "No," he repeated in bewilderment shaking his head rapidly his anger disappearing "God, no, I-" he gasped "Never, I, no, I would never-" Taehyung looked around pleading them with his eyes to believe him "I'm not starving myself, goddamnit!" he hissed at them when no one met his eyes.

  
"You're so thin, Taehyung," Jin whispered back.

  
"And I hate it!" the younger yelled startling them, "I hate it so much" he whispered brokenly arms wrapping around his fragile form "I hate that I can feel my ribs," he confessed eyes watering from the humiliation "And my cheeks" he added moving his shaking hands to feel his sharp cheekbones "They're gone," Taehyung whispered.

 

Silence took over after the boys' confession leaving nothing but loud thoughts behind. Taehyung glared at his bare feet, breathing heavily, his nostril flaring with every deep breath as he tried to contain his emotions. The others said nothing, trying to take in Taehyungs the new piece of information. Comprehending what the younger said was impossible, it made no sense.

  
"Then why are you losing weight?" Namjoon asked, talking for the first time after the fight. He was confused, he felt like he had all the pieces to the puzzle yet he couldn't piece them together, so much for a high IQ.

  
"I'm not on a diet." Taehyung was quick to deny. "I can't control it, I-" he couldn't find the words to explain "I didn't realize I had gotten this thin until yesterday," he admitted "Right before we left for ice cream. It was then I noticed when none of my jeans would fit me." Taehyung revelled desperately wanting the others to believe him.

 

"Taehyung," Jimin called softly, trying to calm both himself and Taehyung down "What's going on?"

 

Taehyung froze at the question. He bit his lips as his chin started to quiver and his eyes began to water. He looked at his members as they all studied him with troubled eyes, Taehyung couldn't do it.

  
"I don't know," He choked out covering his face with both of his hands letting the tears fall "I don't know" he echoed frantically. Taehyungs shoulders shook, sobs bunching through his body.

 

Hearing his sobs, Jin advanced forwards bringing the crying boy to his chest running his hands along his back soothingly. "Taehyung, please," the oldest begged his own eyes filling with tears "Talk to us" he pleaded hopelessly.

"I don't know." The younger mumbled clenching to his shirt desperately "I don't know what's happening with me. Hyung I'm scared."

  
Jin squeezed him in response, pulling him closer to his body. The others slowly joined the hug pilling their body atop each other hoping to comfort Taehyung.

  
"My voice is changing," the younger began "I've magically lost a lot of weight, and I have no appetite," Taehyung explained voice wavering as he talked "I can't taste the food I force down," he conceded "there is no flavour to anything I eat, so I stopped I-" a sob left his lips "I didn't realize how thin I got."

 

"It's okay," Jimin whispered in his ears fingers dancing on his golden skin. "It's okay, we'll figure it out together," he promised.

  
Taehyung cried harder at Jinins' vow. Because no, they will not figure it out together. He will figure it out on his own, alone without them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? You were not expecting that I guess? I hope you like it, I'm not that pleased with it considering both the length and horrible writing of the chapter but a writer gotta do what a writer gotta do, post shit when they get impatient!
> 
>  
> 
> I hate to say this, but, I might not be able to update for a couple of weeks. I need to catch up to my uni work and the midterms are right around the corner and I haven't studied shit since I started the semester, lol! My ass is in for a couple of all-nighters, what a life!
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sorry about that, I hope you understand!


	15. Chapter 15

This is not an update sorry!

I just want to ask if you guys want me to cut the chapter I'm working on into 2? because I'm currently at 4532 words exactly and the chapter still has a long way to go so do you want me to split it into two parts so you at least have something to read until I finish the rest of it. I just feel so guilty for not updating but I'm not finding the time to wrap the chapter up and it's driving me crazy. A lot of you have been asking me to update and I don't want to disappoint anyone. Tell me what you want and I shall do!

Thank you and sorry again!


	16. Red Light, Stop!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the majority wins, I shall deliver. As promised, half a chapter!
> 
> It might be a little disappointing, I felt a little rusty writing this. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think at the end. Things are getting heated, pay attention!

After his little breakdown, Taehyung found himself smothered with love and affection from all the members. Gentle fingertips trace his tanned skin, feathery kisses tickled his cheeks, and sweet words mumbled into his ears. All of which to calm his racing heart and bleeding eyes. He was fine china, precious and delicate between their hands, imperilled. They protected him, shared their warmth with him and grounded him with their presence.  
  
Jin and Jimin were both quick to offer their help with getting him back into a healthy weight, both of them getting lost in discussing whether Jimin's previous healthy diet would fit Taehyung current state or not. They were so excited to help; they almost started planning his eating schedule if it wasn't for the soft whine of protest that left the younger's lips.  
  
Jungkook and Hosoek, on the other hand, tasked themselves with the mission of cheering the sad boy up. They told jokes and acted silly going as far as dancing horribly to an invisible beat in the hopes of making him smile. However, Taehyung didn't cave; he couldn't find the strength to laugh when he was dying on the inside. He was still confused, disoriented from what happened earlier. Jungkook and Hoseok only stopped once they realized that they couldn't cheer him up, not even get a small reaction out of him. They quieted down and took a seat on the empty sofa, whispering between themselves inaudible words. It was not questionable for the others; they were surely plotting a way to make the younger happy again. That fact in itself almost made Taehyung smile.  
  
Namjoon also tried his luck with making him smile, but soon noticed that right now, his presence only caused the younger pain. After what happened between them this morning, he and Taehyung can't go back to how things were. It would take a lot of time and effort from his part for their friendship to heal. Slowly, Namjoon slipped out of the room with the excuse of having work to do. He avoided Jins' questioning eyes and called their manager to go over their agenda and set plans. Yoongi as always stayed quiet for the most part only shoving a bottle of coca cola in Taehyungs hand a silent act of offering a truce. Then proceeded to retrieve to his favourite sofa chair all without uttering a world. He gave the younger his space, only glancing at him affectionately from afar and trying his hardest to portray his love and concern for the younger with his eyes.  
  
They stayed that way for a while, all of them sitting around Taehyung but not with him. He was in his own world dark, gloomy, and full of confusion while they were in their own world, so close yet so far away. It wasn't long before their worlds collided and they found themselves huddled up in the living room with a sad movie playing on the TV to give them a reason to cry openly.  
  
The next morning, the tension between them was almost nonexistent. It was as if the previous day events did not occur. Taehyung was smiling, and this time it reached his eyes. It was genuine, as genuine as he could let it be with the monsters clawing at his inside. They gathered around the dining table, doing their ritual of having a family breakfast. It started smoothly; no one brought up yesterdays events.  
  
Jin and Jimin were deeply engrossed in discussing calories and protein drinks, continuing their conversation from the previous night among themselves. They shared facts between mouthfuls of pancake and gulps of orange juice. Meanwhile, Namjoon sat next to them, reading the newspaper. His thickly framed glasses rested on the brig of his noes, a mug of steaming coffee in hand. He ignored Hoseok's and Yoongi's loud conversation, paying them no mind more focused on the words he was reading. The rappers were talking about mics, debating which one would be the best addition to Hoseok's studio. Yoongi kept insisting that the younger didn't need a new mic and that he just bought a one not long ago, but Hoseok wouldn't listen to him. As for the youngest two, they sat between Jimin and Yoongi talking animatedly about overwatch new update and how they couldn't wait to try it out.  
  
Throughout the conversation, a light tap to the shoulder would interrupt Taehyung excited ramble. When he turned to face the interrupter, Taehyung would be met with a smiling Jimin ready to feed the younger a bite of pancakes. It went on like this until they were all done eating and just sitting around the dining table murmuring among themselves too lazy to clear out the dishes and start their day.  
  
The sound of someone clearing their throat was heard making them quiet down. Six set of eyes focused on the leader who was the one trying to grab their attention. Namjoon looked nervous, fumbling with the newspaper at hand trying to fold it neatly as an act of delaying his announcement. When it was evenly folded and set aside, he sighed meeting their curious eyes.  
  
"Taehyung," he called apprehensively locking eyes with the younger. He didn't miss the way the boy's shoulder tensed at the sound of his name, sitting straighter and putting a professional facade on.  
  
"Yes hyung," came the polite replay. It was painfully polite; it sounded nothing like the low hum of acknowledgment Taehyung usually gives or the playful "what" that sounded more of a whine than an actual word.  
  
"You have a doctor appointment on Wednesday," Namjoon said wincing at the end. He mentally braced himself for the amount of protest Taehyung was going to put up.  
  
It was then when things started to go downhill. The smooth start they began the day with turned into bumpy roads and rough grounds. Everything started crumbling down all around them, everything they knew turned into nothing.  
  
Taehyung flinched at the statement knocking a glass of orange juice in the process. The sound of shattering glass echoed in the dining area as the pieces of glass scattered all over the floor. The juice seeped into the edge of the carpet creating a navy patch on the baby blue carpet. Some of the spilled liquid escaped being observed by the thick fabric forming a pool of orange juice on the wooden floor.  
  
Teahyung cursed under his breath falling to his knees next to the mess he made, his frantic hands rushing to pick up shreds of glass that sparkled under the natural light. He kept mumbling apologies under his breath, eyes shifting nervously from the floor to Jin. Both guilt and fear danced in his eyes rhythmically; he can't take being scolded after yesterday.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered heart beating wildly inside his rib cage making his breathing shallow. The familiar buzz of anxiety under his skin came back to life as his thoughts bounced all over the place. Flashes of last night events popped in his head. Images of dripping blood and shaking hands invaded his mind, the distinct memory of not being able to breathe mixed with the burning pain he felt in his lungs returned. The fear of what the doctor appointment might reveal was dragging him into a state of panic.  
  
The members were rooted in their place. The shock created by the booming sound of the glass breaking and Taehyungs panic-stricken movement pined them on their feet. Their minds took moments to process the sequence of events unravelling in front of their eyes. The frantic motion of his hands and the broken whisperers of apologies were a complex riddle they were yet to decode. He was shaking, on the verge of a mental breakdown. Eyes watery and face sickly yellow from fear. It took a while, but eventually, they snapped out of their trance. Jin was the first to move; he advanced forward warily not wanting to startle the younger. He absent mildly signalled the rest to deal with the mess while he took care of Taehyung.  
  
Two strong hands wrapped around Taehyungs wrist stopping the frantic movement of his hands. He flinched at the contact feeling surprised. He was too ashamed to meet the owners' eyes. "It's okay," a calm voice said. Willing himself to look up, he was met with soft brown eyes and Jins' sweet smile. "It's just a glass, it's fine." the oldest reassured gingerly, whispering his words out with delicacy and care as if dealing with a caged animal.  
  
"I'm sorry," Taehyung found himself whispering back, struggling to form words other than those two. His ribcage was rattling deep in his chest, his bones colliding with one another with every beat his heart took. It was wild and monstrous inside of him, beating in an inhuman speed and shaking him to the core. The rise and fall of his chest were alarming, fast and shallow. Taehyung was heaving, a wheezing sound escaping him every time he inhaled. But then Jin was there, touching him, squeezing his biceps, and massaging his tense shoulders. Just like that, as if it was magic, everything slowed down. With every second that passed by, his breathing and heart rate both decreased until they were calm and normal.  
  
Taehyung allowed his body to relax, letting Jin steal the shreds of glass from his grasp mindful not to hurt either of them. He allowed the oldest to lead him back to his seat and watched silently as Jungkook and Jimin cleaned his mess. He said nothing only observed in silence as the table was cleared and a hot mug of tea appeared in front of him. He tried not to think and merely drown all the negative thoughts out, so they didn't rile him up. They were loud in his head, screaming and howling leaving no space for anything else. Taehyung couldn't shut them out; he was weak against his own thoughts. Eventually, his defence was overruled, and he fell victim to his own rage. He was angry, like never before. The anger and fury burning in the pits of his stomach was nothing like anything he had felt before. It was scary and exciting, flowing through him uncontrollably.  
  
"Taehyung," Namjoon called dragging his attention away from the storm inside of him.

He must have spaced out, the mess was no longer there on the floor, and Jungkook and Jimin both were back at the table. All of them were seated, looking at him closely, inspecting him under their microscopic eyes taking in every detail there is to note. Their eyes made his skin crawl and his stomach knot uncomfortably. They were waiting for him, for an explanation. It feels like its the only thing they wanted of him lately, explain, to justify his actions and behaviour, and give a reason to every action he took.

"I heard you the first time," Taehyung growled out, teeth gritted, and jaw clenched shut "Cancel the appointment, I'm not going," he demanded heatedly "I'm not going," he repeated firmly when all they did was stare at him.  
  
"Yes, you are," Namjoon said calmly. He didn't want to start another argument; things were already shaky between them; still, he couldn't help the irritation and anger building up inside of him. He hated not knowing what's going on, not being able to help, and not being the perfect leader he should be.  
  
Teahyung slapped his hands on the table in aggravation. The booming sound made the others flinch. "Stop!" he barked hands burning from the sting of the impact. "I'm an adult; I'm freaking responsible for myself. I'm not disabled or mental; I don't need you to be responsible for me!" he reminded sharply, eyes glaring at his leader. "Just because I respect you and give you authority over me doesn't mean you get to boss me around and make me do things I don't want."  
  
"That's not what we are discussing here, don't change the subject. You are going, and that's final." the leader replied equally as angry.  
  
"Oh my god, were you even listening to a word I said just now?"  
  
"I don't need to listen. I just need you to do what is asked of you."

"I'd like to watch you try and make me."

"Oh, I'll drag you from your ears if I have to, boy."

"I'm not a child. I'll do what I want when I want!"

"Then stop acting like a child."

"Stop, both of you!" Jin hissed cutting off their bickering "Both of you are acting like uncultured people, honestly." he huffed.  
  
Taehyung and Namjoon turned from glaring at each other to glaring at him. Arms folded to their chest and eyes burning with unleashed anger. They eyed him up and down unimpressed with the interruption.  
  
"Oh, you better not be looking at me like that. Show some respect children." he snapped voice daring them to challenge him.  
  
They both had the decency to look elsewhere before settling to glaring at each other once again. They were fuming with anger, their skin buzzing from the high frequency of their blood rushing through their veins.

”You, ” Jin hissed turning his attention to Namjoon and pointing an accusing finger at him. The leaders' eyes widen at being the one scolded. ”that's not how we treat family or anyone.”

”and you, ” he shifted his attention to Taehyung "show some respect, he's older than you.”

”by a year.” Taehyung scoffed.  
  
"Taehyung, behave," Jimin warned voice sharp, and eyes pointed.

"Stay out of it Jimin." Taehyung hissed back spitting venom.

"What's got into you honestly, you are making a big deal out of nothing. it's just a doctor appointment!" he vexed sounding disappointed.

"I don't care about the stupid appointment!" Taehyung yelled "My problem is you, people." he confessed, feeling somewhat satisfied when they winced at his use of _people_. "I'm sick and tired of you deciding things for me, making my choices for me. You are not my parents; you have no right. I gave you respect, all of you and I follow your orders because I respect you and honour your words. I do it out of love and appreciation because you are my family." he raved breathing heavily "but this, what you are doing is ridiculous. You're abusing the power I gave you." he explained emotionally. He took the time to gaze at them one by one, inspecting their facial expressions." but you forget one thing," he said looking at their confused faces "I was the one who gave you that right, and I can be the one to take it away." Taehyung warned pointedly "I'm under no obligation to do what you tell me to do when it regards my personal life. Hell, you don't do that to Jungkook!" he accused pointing at the maknae who looked shocked at the mention of his name "All of you, you do what you want, but me?" he asked pointing at himself desperately "No, I get babied like a child!" he ranted.  
  
By the time he was done, Taehyung was breathing laboriously, his nostrils flaring with every intake of oxygen, face red and veiny. The others stared at him in disbelief, taken back by his little outburst. They did not expect the announcement to lead to this heated argument. What stunned them the most was being called out on their behaviour and having Taehyung mean everything he said.  
  
"Hey, hey, it's okay," Hoseok said trying to calm the younger down. "Calm down, please."

Taehyung glared at him for a moment before following the rappers instruction. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths trying to tame his racing heart. It was effective but not efficient in easing his anger and relaxing his body. When he opened his eyes, they were all looking at him guiltily.  
  
"We're sorry," Jimin said embarrassed to meet his eyes.

"Yeah, we didn't mean to make you feel this way hyung," Jungkook vowed.

"You don't have to go if you don't want," Jin started "We can't force you, but it's important that you understand how important it is for you to go to the appointment." he pressed.

"I'm not going," Taehyung insisted firmly. He refused to cooperate; no means no.

"Just hear me out," Jin begged "You complained about your throat yesterday, and from what you said, it's the cause of all of your problems," he explained "getting it checked will ease all of your worries, plus, you can get your voice back once its treated." he reasoned "To be safe, go. We're going on tour in a couple of days you'd want that taken care of before then, wouldn't you?" Jin asked convincingly.

”I’m not sick!” Taehyung protested stubbornly. ”You are using my moment of vulnerability against me.” he accused thinking back to everything he had confessed to ease their minds, his words backfired. ”I was just overwhelmed yesterday, I was saying a lot of things that meant nothing, and you are using that to force me into going when I don't want to!”  
  
”Never, Taehyung you know we’d never do that.” Yoongi denied approaching the younger apprehensively to touch him. ”we are not working against you; we are not the enemy here. We just want what's best for you.” he stopped when Taehyung moved back away from the comfort he was willing to give. They stood there looking at each other a million words were spoken in silence. Yoongi couldn't help but wonder when did Taehyung start running from them instead of to them?  
  
”I’m not going,” he whispered eyes finally showing the ocean of fear he was drowning in. His anger dissolved into nothing, leaving everything he tried to hide out in the opine, exposed and vulnerable.  
  
”Hyung, please,” Jungkook begged, pleading the older with his eyes.  
  
”No, ” he insisted. He didn't know why he was so stubborn, strongly objecting the idea of going to the appointment when he was thinking of getting one just yesterday. Was it because they would know as soon as something was wrong with him? Was it because it was real now? He wasn't sure; he wanted to protect them from the pain. He couldn't do that if they knew.  
  
”Come on; our manager worked hard to get you an appointment this soon with short notice. Wednesday is the day after tomorrow!” Jin reasoned, hoping to guilt him into going. ”I’m sure he pulled some strings to get you that appointment, and now that he knows you are not feeling well he’ll be worried about you.”  
  
”Not just him, ” Jimin said eyes showing his sincerity, "we are worried about you too.”  
  
Every time Taehyung looked at him his heart swelled with longing for the little world they created in each other's embrace. His heart was morning the loss of such moments of peace and content. Nothing is the same anymore. He was changed, and no matter how hard he acted, that peaceful life will never be his reality.  
  
They held their breath, watching Taehyung expectedly waiting for him to cave in and give up. He stood there frozen, weighing his options and thinking of what he was willing to do. He was having a heated discussion with himself. After five minutes of silence and internal conflict Taehyung finally broke the silence.  
  
”Fine, ” he said defeatedly.  
  
They all grinned at him, feeling proud of themselves.  
  
”Don't look so smug; I’m going only because of the manager, not you,” he grumbled out.  
  
With that, he disappeared for the rest of the day avoiding them like the plague. He locked himself in his room only coming out when they needed to leave for rehearsals. They felt him fading away, slipping out of their hands. Everything was a complete mess; what happened to them?

 

By the time Wednesday came around Taehyung was an anxious mess. He was ill with worry and dread of what the day might reveal to him. He didn't sleep well: his slumber chased away by his loud thoughts and pessimistic predictions. The shakey grounds his relationship with the members was on didn't help one bit. It was in times like this that he needed their comfort the most, but he was too proud to admit that he was scared, that something was wrong with him and that he needed help and they were too protective chaining him to themselves so that he couldn't do anything without them.

 

The night was young and as everyone else in the house slept Taehyungs was left with his thoughts. He was confused by his own feelings; he couldn't understand all the emotions flooding his inside drowning him in a sea of uncertainty. One moment he was angry with them, aggravated and vexed to no end ready to lash out and tear them apart. The next, he was sad, depressed and defeated with no will or purpose. He wanted their comfort and empathy, yet he still wanted space and independence. He wanted to tell them about his worries and have them help him carry this heavy load on his shoulders. At the same time, he didn't want them to know. He didn't want to burden them. Taehyung was confused by his conflicting emotions; he didn't know which one to act upon. In the end, all of this confusion and frustration turned into anger.

  
Night turned into day and just like that the rush of breakfast and getting ready brought life into the dead house. The atmosphere was tense since that argument they had things were not the same anymore. They didn't talk, or he didn't let them talk. They tried, more than once to act naturally around him and converse with him as they always do, but Taehyung didn't allow it to go farther than greetings and schedule announcements. He was too ashamed to look them in the eye and too angry with both himself and them to attempt and let things go.

  
Sitting in the dining table surrounded by six of his brothers too anxious to stomach anything Taehyung felt the loneliest he has ever felt. They're so close to him, almost touching yet they felt so far away, and he couldn't tell if he couldn't breathe because of the pain in his chest or because of the distance between their souls.

  
"I'm meeting with Bogum hyung after my appointment," Taehyung announced awkwardly. He scratched the back of his head trying to avoid looking at them but confused on what to look at. Standing up, he hurried to leave before any of them got a chance to say something in reply.

  
His heart was beating like crazy, going wild and untamed inside its prison of bones. He wished he could just set it free let it leap out of his chest and just fall into a peaceful slumber that never ends. Maybe that would hurt less than this, than feeling uncomfortable in his own skin, with his family and in his home. He shook his head, ridding himself from the negative train of thoughts and forcing himself on getting ready.

  
Deciding on what to wear was hard, he had a mission of looking completely invisible today and blending in so not to attract the attention of fans and paparazzi alike. However, with a wardrobe such as his, the mission was nearly impossible. He had to borrow, without permission, some clothes from Yoongi and Jungkook. He ended up wearing all black, unsurprisingly, oversized and baggy clothes with a matching black hat and face mask. If he were in better spirit and confident, he would have played a little with makeup for the hell of it, altering his features or whatever, just to have something exciting to do other than freak out. Apparently, it wasn't meant to be.

 

When the time came to leave Taehyung left barely saying goodbye, he mumbled a low "I'm leaving." hoping no one would catch it then practically ran out of the door and slamming it behind him to deliver the message that he left.

 

He met with his manager in the car as one of the staff drove them to the meeting. The whole drive was awkward for Taehyung, consisting of series of questions regarding his health and singing abilities being fired at him and heated argument with Taehyung insisting on going to the appointment alone while his manager stubbornly refused not to come along. The argument went on and on going back and forth between them with the same level of intensity. It went on forever, Taehyung felt his tongue was about to fall off from how much he was talking. He must have gotten worked up and frustrated because finally, his manager agreed hesitantly. Feeling guilty, the singer tried to assure him that Bogum was going to pick him up from the hospital when he's done shooting for the day. Conveniently enough, it was close to his appointment time. He was not going to wait long for him "everything will go smoothly" he comforted his manager.

  
Time passed by quickly after that. Everything felt rushed, their arrangement for the day and who will and when will he be picked up. The manager explained in details and gave him directions on where to go and what to do and Taehyung listened wholeheartedly, not wanting to get lost and disappoint his manager. In a moment they parked outside of the hospital, and suddenly he found himself facing reality.

  
Walking into the hospital, Taehyung tried his best not to attract unwanted attention. He shrunk into himself hunching his shoulders and wrapping his hands around his body trying to cover up as much as he could of his figure. The steps he took were big and rushed as he tried to find his way. He was hoping to get to the appointment quickly so he could get out of there faster. He wandered through the hallways, following his managers' surprisingly detailed direction of how to get to where he needed to be. Along his way of right turns and wrong doors, he had to ask some staff members for help. Eventually, Taehyung made it to the small waiting area where he was told a nurse would call for him when his turn comes.

  
Sneaking a look around he noticed that not many people were there, only a father and his child and an elderly woman occupied the space. A wave of relief washed over him; he was worried someone might recognize him. From what he saw, the man was too engrossed in taming his hyper kid and the lady busy knitting something in an ugly shade of brown, both too busy to notice him. He found it weird that she was knitting something in the middle of summer in this hot weather and burning sun. Nevertheless, he was grateful for her weird activity; otherwise, he wouldn't have something to get his mind to stop worrying over the appointment. Instead, he thought about who was the lucky person the lady was knitting for, were they her children? Maybe her grandchildren? Someone who lived in Antarctica discovering new specious of animals that lived in under 12.3 °C, wait, no, that's too dramatic. Maybe they're in Alaska, chasing their dream of living in the snow, _but don't we have snow as well?_

 

He made up a million story in his head, filling up his brain capacity to its fullest, so there was no space left for worrying. It worked for a little while, keeping him busy and distracted enough not to panic yet still his mind wandered to dark lads in between daydreams. It seemed to him no matter how hard he tries to escape the darkness; it's coming from within him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spill your thoughts here, tell me! I hope you like it; I was not that pleased with it. I feel like some parts are awkward and just I don't know, don't feel natural? I'm trying to keep it realistic and relatable in some way or another, and I hope its working. I'm sure that all of you mostly skip the notes I leave, but In case some of you are reading. I'm looking for a beta, please! Someone to check my grammar and spelling mistakes and make sure the words have a natural flow and that I use correct adjectives and whatever else. I don't know what I'm doing, do people look for betas all the time?


	17. Oh doctor, Sweet Doctor Of Mine!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Before I start I want to give a special thanks to @jpapaya for helping me and offering to be my beta. It was such a pleaser to meet you and work with you!
> 
> And now, the chapter. It's a bit on the shorter side, I was planning to make it longer but my beta pointed out that all the drama was getting overwhelming so I cut it into half again. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!

The click of a lock echoed in the room as the doctor’s office door opened, revealing glimpses of white walls and awareness posters. Taehyung felt his body tense. His shoulders straightened, his fists clenched themselves in his lap, and his breath became stuck in his throat. Fear pulsed through him, and he was dreading the person who was about to walk in. He was getting closer to the truth, to his nightmare becoming his reality, and it was becoming hard not to bolt out of the waiting room and chase the sun leaving everything behind.

 

Two women walked into the room. From one’s uniform, Taehyung recognized her as a nurse. She was petite, short, skinny, and middle-aged with a friendly face. When their eyes met, despite his nervousness and nauseousness, he couldn't help but smile at her behind the mask. To Taehyung’s surprise, she smiled back before giving her attention to the woman next to her. She was a patient; he figured as much. They were murmuring between themselves, probably discussing the appointment further. He couldn't see much of the woman; he was only able to make out the blue cast on her left arm and her beautiful, long hair. They continued their conversation as they walked closer to the waiting room. Both women bid their goodbyes about halfway into the open room. Parting, the patient went to her family (a man and their hyper kid), and the nurse made her way to an elderly woman. In a matter of minutes, the couple and their child were out of sight, and a lady who was knitting was slowly escorted into the examination room.

 

He was left alone with his wild thoughts and racing heart. Taehyung couldn't have been more terrified than he was now. It finally dawned on him where he was and what situation he was in. He couldn't run, he was stuck, and the whiteness of the room was making him dizzy. All the blood in his body was racing to his head in hopes of helping him process his current disposition calmly. It did nothing but give him a headache. Taehyung’s body was itching, buzzing from the adrenaline rush and desire to disappear. The regret of accepting to attend the appointment was catching up to him--he shouldn't have come. Ignorance is bliss, and Taehyung knew better than to be here, trying to find answers he didn't want to hear--answers he already knew.

 

There was no denying it, deep down in his gut, in the depth of his subconscious mind, Taehyung knew that there was something wrong. He didn't need to be a genius to figure it out. The intense chest pain, difficulty breathing, and coughing of blood were not typical cold symptoms. That much, he established, meant he was sick. His own intuition led him to deduce that he was ill. What made him nervous was the prospect of finding out how serious it was. The level of agony he was drowning in pointed to directions he didn't want to take; it led to places he did not want to go. Taehyung felt helpless even before he knew his issue. It was a terrible feeling, yet he still couldn't help but sense that there was nothing he could do about it.

 

Ripping him out of his worries, a feminine voice called, "Mr. Kim."

 

It was another nurse, younger and apparently a fan if the blush in her cheeks said anything. He acknowledged her with a nod and a timid smile, hesitant of her intentions. The last thing he wanted right now was to be bothered by a fan and have his doctor appointment blow up within the media.

 

"If you could follow me, please," she requested while gesturing to the nursing room with her head. She was smiling politely, her voice low when she spoke, and eyes were not staring too long at him. It was evident to him that the girl was trying her best to be professional and not squeal like most fans do when meeting them in person. Though Taehyung appreciated the effort, he still found himself a little hesitant to follow her.

 

"Don't worry, it's just to fill in the chart," she promised, waving a clipboard with a piece of paper at him. "One of the nurses,” she explained while pointing at another nurse, this time a male, who was standing outside of the room, waiting on him, “will ask you some questions and do a quick check up before the doctor sees you."

 

Taehyung sucked in a breath and looked at the young nurse dumbly. He was not yet ready to face his fate. He was not prepared to part with the comfortable, healthy (what once was), and peaceful life he had. He wanted to stand up and leave, walk away from the appointment and his problem altogether, but everyone was waiting for him to make a move. His manager was waiting for him to confirm the success of the appointment, and most importantly, his members were waiting for him to come home.

 

How he managed to summon up enough courage to move, Taehyung didn't know. Nevertheless, he was grateful for what he had. He tried his best to conceal his fear and appear unbothered, but he couldn't mask the anxious aura surrounding him or the faint sound of his feet dragging against the tile. He dragged out every step, subconsciously wanting to delay the inevitable. The attempt was useless. There was nothing much he could do.

 

He should just surrender to his fate, but Taehyung couldn't. He was stubbornly clutching onto whatever normality he had left. He refused to be defeated and give up the normalcy of his life. He refused to let go. Taehyung was accepting of his fate, of the evil monster dwelling somewhere inside of him, but he refused to face his kismet just yet.

The checkup was precisely that, just a checkup. The male nurse led him into a private room where he asked Taehyung a series of both useful and bizarre questions. He was asked about his allergies, any genetic diseases, and his sexual activeness (in which Taehyung in replay choked out a small 'no' with a heated face). His weight and height were measured, his blood pressure was checked, and his breathing was monitored. Taehyung had to hold in his giggles at how silly it was to come in for a simple cough but end up being measured instead. In which way were the two related?

 

"What seems to be the problem, sir?" the nurse asked. His hands were ready to write Taehyung’s answer down for the doctor.

 

Looking at the nurse, Taehyung couldn’t help but find him attractive. The reassuring smile the nurse gave him every once in a while when his restlessness was showing was charming. The way he spoke slow and gently was very appealing. His physical features were sharp and soft at the same time, adding to the attractive aura around him.

 

"Just a cough," Taehyung said dismissively.

 

He had promised to attend the appointment. He never said anything about being truthful and cooperating with the doctor. He would not lose. Taehyung was not sure who or what he was fighting and for what reason, but everything in him was opposing the rational decisions he should be making. He felt like he was losing his mind, knowing the right thing to do and wanting to do it yet not having what it takes to do it. What a disappointment he was to his own self.

The questioning didn't last long. As soon as the nurse filled ;his chart with the necessary information, he was instructed to go back into the waiting room. This time around, it was not as empty as he previously left it. The once empty chairs were filled with other patients waiting for their turn. The headcount was overwhelming enough to send him into alert mode. The chances of him being recognized upped a good 70%, and he had to be even more careful now. It made him uneasy.

 

On his way to find himself a seat at the far end of the room (seeing as his seat was taken now), a soft whisper of his name stopped him. It was the same nurse from before, the fan.

 

"You can go in now, sir," she announced as she lead him to the open door of the examination room. As he walked in, the same male nurse that did his check up walked out, giving him a bright smile before closing the door behind him. Taehyung blushed.

 

"Ah, Mr. Kim," the doctor said upon seeing him. "I'm Dr. Ken, nice to meet you," he introduced himself politely smiling at the nervous boy in front of him.

"Likewise," Taehyung mumbled back bowing in respect to the older male.

 

"Please, none of that." The doctor waved dismissively. "Take a seat, take a seat," he ushered, pointing at the chair in front of his desk.

 

Taehyung complied; he sat quietly, watching with nervous eyes as the doctor went through the chart containing his information. Dr. Ken kept glancing at the door while he read, seemingly waiting for someone. The action confused Taehyung, inducing a slight panic, but he didn't comment on it. When the doctor finished reading his checkup results, he placed the paper down, took one long glance at the door, then looked at Taehyung with confused eyes.

 

"Did Sejin not come with you today?" he curiously asked eyes fixed at the door as if waiting for the man just to walk in.

 

Taehyung was taken back by the question but tried not to show it as he answered, "He was going to, but I insisted on coming alone. He just dropped me off."

 

The mention of his manager's name formed a knot in his stomach. It was a reminder of all the people who are waiting anxiously for him to report back.

 

"I see," he hummed. "Oh well then. Tell me, Mr. Kim, what seems to be the problem?"

 

"I have a cough," his replay came out dry, unintentionally showing his annoyance. He was being examined like some animal, measured and weighed, asked ridiculous questions, and studied for the last thirty minutes. To top it off here was the doctor asking the same damn question when he had all the answers right in front of him. His own nervousness did not help one bit only adding to his irritation.

 

"I can tell as much," Dr. Ken said with a raised eyebrow at the shift in attitude, "but I'd like you to personally describe to me what's wrong. I'm sure you are dealing with symptoms other than coughing." he pressed gently hoping to coax some answers out of the singer.

 

"Nothing," Taehyung denied. He tried to speak with as much confidence as he could muster summoning his acting abilities to rescue him from the onslaught of probing questions. "Just a cough."

 

"Okay then," understanding that his patient was being difficult, the man sighed."Can you tell me how the cough is? Dry or wet? When did you get it? Did you have a cold? Be as detailed as possible, please."

 

Taehyung cleared his throat and responded in a monotonous tone, "A bit of both, wet more often than not though. It started maybe around three months or so ago. I can't really pinpoint it to an exact time because I was not giving it much thought. Whether it started with a cold or not, I'm not sure, but it most likely did."

 

"Okay, that's good," the doctor encouraged Taehyung’s small share of information. "What about the other symptoms? Sejin mention loss of weight?"

 

The question stunned Taehyung into silence; he didn't expect his manager to share this piece of information with his doctor. He wondered what else the man knew. Namjoon most definitely reported everything he confessed the other night to Sejin, and the manager, in return, must have relayed the information to the doctor.

 

"I'm fine," Taehyung insisted heatedly. He felt betrayed by his family for not giving him a chance to back out. "I'm not sick," he lied.

 

Dr. Ken would have believed him. With the amount of confidence oozing out of his voice and the sharp and steady stare Taehyung was directing at him, it was hard not to fall for the idol’s ploy. In his field of work, body language was critical regardless of the patient’s accusation. Body language was used as a frequent tool for doctors to see past the ruses the patients give them. As a doctor, it was vital for him to know if his patient was lying or nervous. It helped to both take and deliver information to them which is why he took a moment to study the young boy seated in front of him.

 

At first glance, nothing gave the young idol away. His body was relaxed; he was not sweating or fidgeting. Taehyung looked utterly unaffected. Just as he was about to give up, he spotted a sign: Taehyung’s hands. They were not clenched, and he wasn't playing with them (which would have exposed him immediately). His hands were innocently laying on his lap, or so the doctor thought. Dr. Ken honestly would have missed it if he was not paying close attention. Taehyung was pinching the soft skin of the inside of his wrist to distract himself and appear serious. The area was red and irritated; it was enough to let him know that his patient was lying.

 

"What was your major in university?" he finally asked breaking the intense silence.

 

"What?" Taehyung asked sharply. He was bewildered by the change of subject. His eyes narrowed at the doctor, trying to figure out what game he was playing.

 

"I'm just curious; entertain me."

 

"I didn't go to university."

 

"Hmmm," the doctor hummed absentmindedly, noting something down on a piece of paper.

 

"Why the sudden interest?" Taehyung was on the defense.

 

"Do you have either nursing or first aid training?"

 

"These questions have nothing to do with this!" he argued as he gestured to the small room. Taehyung’s face gradually became red with frustration.

 

"Then you shouldn't mind answering it," Dr. Ken simply replied.

 

"No, I don't," he growled out, finding everything the doctor said or did provoking.

 

"Did you read any medical books? Watch any medical shows or even attend a lecture or a conference about anything related to the human body?"

 

"This is ridiculous!" Taehyung cried in disbelief.

 

"Answer the question."

 

"No," he hissed back, "I didn't do any of the things you mentioned."

 

"Oh, how strange," the doctor muttered. An expression of wonder was painted on his face.

 

"Oh, dear god," Taehyung moaned in annoyance. "What is it?" he demanded.

 

"I'm just trying to understand how, based on what information and experience you do not have, you conclude that you are fine," he explained calmly. Getting comfortable in his chair, the doctor leaned back and crossed his arms. He shot Taehyung a cocky smirk. Dr. Ken knew he won this minor scuffle against Taehyung. Checkmate.

 

"I," Taehyung stopped himself. He couldn’t find anything to back himself. He weakly argued, "It's my body, I would know!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very special to me, to have worked with someone one it was the best. I'm so grateful for my beta, shes the best!
> 
> I hope you all liked it. Please let me know what you think!


	18. God, This is Stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> First of all I'd like to apologize for taking this long to update but I've been quite busy these past two months. I had my project deliverables at the end of April then my birthday at the begging of May. After that finals were here and I was busy with that until Ramanan also came and I couldn't write. Soon after that I traveled, I'm still abroad and I don't have internet connection all the time so it was a struggle to write. I'll be abroad for a while, two months maybe. But I'll find time to write! 
> 
>  
> 
> The note is getting long but I wasted to say that I still didn't get the chance to reply to your comments in the previous chapter but from what I see a lot of you were not happy with the decision of cutting the chapter into two parts. I like you, love long chapters but I was convinced by my lovely friend and editor to cut it in half. You'll understand why when you read this chapter. It's very overwhelming and filled with drama. Imagine having this chapter and the previous on set as one? You wouldn't have been able to handle it. 
> 
>  
> 
> To make it up to you, I made it a long one. 5.5K words at your service! Prepare tissues and ice cream. You will need it. As always, enjoy!

 

Taehyung had to stop himself from pouting in frustration. He wanted to stomp his feet, push his lips out as far as he could, and throw the biggest tantrum known to mankind. Because this was not fair.

He was a good person.

Yes, he sometimes purposely placed Jimin’s things somewhere he couldn’t reach just to watch him struggle. Yes, he read Yoongi's One Piece manga without telling him and ate Jungkook’s leftovers and blamed someone else, but Taehyung was still kind, caring, and considerate. Taehyung liked to believe those qualities made him a good person, so he didn't understand what he did wrong to deserve all of this. He wanted to go home and forget this ever happened. Taehyung didn’t want to be studied by nurses and doctors, pushed beyond his limits and forced to accept the truth of what he is running from.

"I don't understand," the doctor confessed. His eyes studied Taehyung figure, scanning him up and down, searching for any clue that would help him unriddle the singer’s motives. "Why bother coming if you will not cooperate?" he wondered.

Taehyung said nothing, keeping quiet and refusing to give himself away. He felt uncomfortable sitting on the leather chair while being stared down by the doctor’s wondering eyes. It made his skin crawl and his stomach twist itself into a heavy knot. The feeling of being trapped consumed him, he was held against his will. His heart was furiously beating against his ribcage. His breath hitched, and Taehyung was afraid the doctor would be able to hear his increasing panic.

"What could it possibly be?" Dr. Ken muttered under his breath. To the doctor's defence, he looked genuinely concerned for his well being. It made Taehyung wonder how much of that concern was due to the doctor's relation to Sejin.

Dr. Ken made a sound of understanding, nodding to himself as if he had figured everything out. "Oh, yes, I get it," he said, smiling. The confession made Taehyung nervous; he didn't want to be figured out. "You don't want the media to find out, am I correct?" he asked and then hurried to add, "Don't worry, Mr. Kim. Everything we discuss here is confidential and sharing it would be against our privacy policy." His words gave Taehyung hope that if the doctor was not allowed to share his test results and medical diagnosis with anyone other than the patient, then surely he couldn’t tell Sejin and the others, right?

"You can't tell anyone?" Taehyung asked hesitantly, considering his options.

"Of course, only whoever you allow me to... like management and family members, not reporters and the media." The man reassured confidently. "You can get my medical license taken away if I do," he joked.

Silence fell back as Taehyung lost himself in his inner battles trying to decide what to do. Dr. Ken settled with observing the singer quietly. Somehow sensing the younger internal conflict, he wanted to give him space to make up his mind.

  
"Fine," Taehyung caved. God, he hoped he wouldn't regret this later. The doctor smiled happily as a sense of victory washed over him. The idol was a tough one to crack. "But," Taehyung added, “I have a condition."

It was completely unprofessional and honestly embarrassing to whine childishly at the younger’s little game, but Dr. Ken couldn't control the sound that came out of him. "You're the one coming here for help, yet I feel like you are doing me a favour. What do you want?" he huffed with slight irritation. He didn’t miss the small smile drawing on Taehyung's lips.

"What we discuss here, stays here," Taehyung requested in a tone deadly serious.

"I thought we agreed on that." The doctor frowned confusedly.

"No," Taehyung said a hidden urgency behind his voice, "it stays here," he demanded desperately. “It stays just between you and me. No management, no family, not one single person."

"You don't want your family to know?" Stunned, the doctor asked Taehyung for confirmation.

Taehyung nodded, not finding his voice. A wave of intense emotions washed over him, raising a lump in his throat. Immediate regret crushed him as the words left his mouth. The first string was set in starting a web of lies Taehyung was sure it was going to kill him.

"But why?" the doctor sounded outrageous, Taehyung couldn't find it in himself to blame him. He himself thought it was a stupid idea— none of his thoughts seemed to make sense anymore. At this point, he wasn't sure if he was selfish or selfless; he wasn't sure who he was trying to protect.

"I need time to take it in before I have to deal with the pity in their eyes."

"They wouldn't pit-"

"You don't understand," Taehyung interrupted. "I feel it," he whispered shakingly, "I'm not okay."

Their eyes met, and what was left unsaid was understood. He didn't have to explain further for the older man to understand him. Taehyung's eyes spoke for him, they showed his desperation, the raw and unconcealed fear rushing through his veins and the hopelessness consuming his soul. He hated himself for allowing his weakness to be on display, to be this exposed, left unprotected and vulnerable before the doctor’s eyes. He hated himself, but he couldn't hold it in. It was eating at him from the inside, taking over every part of him until he was let suffocating and unable to breathe from the big secret that was hiding inside of him.

It was a stupid idea, agreeing to the idol’s condition, yet Ken found himself considering it. This was dangerous, he could only imagine the sequence of unfortunate events and unwanted drama this was going to cause. The doctor somehow knew that somewhere inside, Taehyung knew that he was going to regret this later on, almost immediately, if not night now. Helping him make the biggest mistake in his entire life was not his intention; nevertheless, he found himself unable to turn the singer down. Not when he was looking at him with those sad eyes, begging for someone to confide in.

  
"Fine," he whispered while rubbing his face in frustration. God, this is stupid. "Okay," the doctor repeated firmly this time.

"Good," Taehyung nodded. His body visibly relaxed.

"Good," the doctor echoed.

“Okay."

“Fine, fine,” he said defeatedly, “So,” he started, now more serious and professional, “you have a cough, your throat hurts, and you are losing weight?”

Taehyung nodded in confirmation. He was finally taking the situation seriously unlike when he first walked in for the appointment.

“You’re almost sure you had a cold three or four months ago, so it's natural that you developed a cough. They’re the devil, it's so easy to catch them but impossible to get rid off. With a cough, a sore throat is a given,” the doctor explained. “As for the weight loss, a big part of it is connected to your mental health. From what Sejin told me you had a tight schedule this past month in preparation for a tour, I'm guessing. So, again, it’s very normal to lose weight with all that stress you’ve been put under. I’d assume you are experiencing a loss in appetite as well... if not now then surely soon.”

“I am,” Taehyung confessed “I don’t feel like eating at all. I don’t even feel hungry, I mean, I can feel that my body needs food but I don’t feel hungry. I can’t imagine stomaching anything right now.” He felt his phone buzzing in his back pocket, for the fourth time since he got here, just like the other times– he ignored it.

“Yes, while that is indeed concerning, it doesn’t hold the seriousness you are giving it. I’d say you are fine. You do look tired and underweight, but other than that, I believe you are fine. I could still run some minor tests to put your mind at ease. I would even recommend the basic lab tests and possibly a physical examination, but if you do not have any other symptoms that are unsettling, then you don’t need to worry.”

“I coughed blood!” Taehyung yelled unintentionally. He was afraid of losing the little amount of courage he managed to gather and chicken out. He winced at his own volume, apologizing quickly before adding a “Thrice.”

Silence fell upon them once again as Taehyung's heavy confession sank in. Dr. Ken was stunned, not expecting this new piece of information. He was forced to be quiet as his mind ran a million miles to try to comprehend what was just told to him. Taehyung on the other hand, couldn’t get over the shock of having blurted out his darkest secret. That's it, the secret was out, it was real, and now he couldn’t run away from it any longer.

“You coughed out blood?” The doctor asked in disbelief.

“Yes.”

“Blood?”

“Yes, blood,” Taehyung snapped. “Three separate times.”

The doctor said nothing, having not taken the confession in.

“The first time– four weeks ago, I didn’t make much of it. It was just a couple drops of blood on a tissue after a violent coughing fit. Two weeks passed, and it didn’t happen again, so I completely ignored it. But this week, I fainted while taking a bath, and I still don’t remember what happened, but my members said I had a slight fever. I was out of it for a little while, but I could’ve sworn I coughed blood. I still remember the taste of it deep in my throat. The third time was three days ago. I had had a panic attack of some sort. I was having some trouble breathing, so I rushed to the bathroom to have a moment, but then I coughed out blood. It was the most I’ve coughed out. It wasn’t a drop or two, no, the sink was painted red, covered in blood,” Taehyung explained. His voice was shaky, stumbling over some words and stuttering others out.

“You coughed blood?” Dr. Ken asked yet again to make out the muddled mess of words Taehyung had thrown at him.

“Yes!” Taehyung was starting to lose his mind. “Like I’ve told you, three times!”

“Wait, wait!” the doctor rushed out, gesturing for younger to be still and quiet for a moment. “Okay,” he breathed out, “you coughed blood on three separate occasions.”

He abruptly halted in trying to think of possible diagnoses. “You didn’t think you could start with that?” He hissed, vexed by the boy’s uncooperating behavior. He had wasted both of their times with his silly games. This new information changed everything, he couldn’t just send the boy off. Now they have a series of tests to run. Coughing out blood is a serious issue that can only mean bad things. If they were not quick enough, things could take a turn for the worst.

Taehyung stayed quiet, not having anything to defend himself with. It was reckless of him, and his behavior was frankly quite embarrassing. He suddenly felt like he was a kid again (maybe he still was, his thoughts trailed) being scolded by his father for his careless actions.

“Do you have any chest pain?” the doctor asked, his hands were frantic as he wrote down notes.

“Yes.”

“Where?” Dr. Ken asked in a curt tone. “Can you point at the area?”

Taehyung rubbed the end of his chest, down on the right side. Sparks of pain sometimes shoot out of this area of his chest. The pains were nothing unbearable or seriously painful, and maybe that's why he didn’t think much of it. The doctor nodded, brows furrowing in concentration as he added that information with the rest. He made quick work of calling for a nurse, muttering medical terms Taehyung didn’t understand.

“Anything else I should know?”

“I have trouble breathing,” Taehyung admitted, feeling small under the doctors disappointed eyes. “My chest feels tight sometimes, and I can’t breathe.” He paused, looking for the right word. “Its like I have episodes, random and short. One in particular was alarming: a couple of nights ago, it got so bad I passed out. I,” he lead off and chuckled darkly, “I thought it was a dream, a nightmare. I was sleeping at that time, and I woke up because I couldn't breathe. It got so bad that I think I passed out at some point because I remember waking up the next day and thinking it was just a bad dream.”

The memory of him talking to Jimin about the dream was vivid in his mind. “It happened again... once I think. It wasn’t too bad. I still couldn’t breathe, and my chest felt like it was on fire, but I didn’t pass out. It made me think that maybe it wasn’t a dream that night.”

At some point of his confession, a nurse walked in. It was the same boy who did his check up. He silently walked in and accepted the chart handed to him by the doctor then proceeded to wait patiently for more instructions. After he was done talking, Dr. Ken and the nurse exchanged quiet words between themselves. Taehyung couldn’t hear what they were saying. The only thing he could make out was “blood test” and some words that he was sure meant something, he just didn’t know what.

“Let me take a look,” Dr. Ken said as he adjusted his stethoscope properly and stood up to approach the young idol. He did the standard examination, telling the singer to take deep breaths while listening closely to the sound coming from Taehyung’s chest and through the stethoscope.They repeated the action a couple of times until the doctor was pleased with what he has.

“Okay,” Dr. Ken said sitting back behind his desk, “I’ll be honest with you.” It was a silent warning. “It’s hard for me to say what is it you have precisely; however, I can best tell you that it's not going to be pleasant. We still don’t know what it is, but my guess would be something between these three.” He raised his hands. “Tuberculosis, pulmonary edema, and lung cancer.” He counted out each possible diagnosis on his fingers.

“There is an approximate 20% chance for it to be something less serious such as a throat or lung infection, but, to keep it real with you, it's highly unlikely.” Dr. Ken sounded apologetic, avoiding eye contact with the younger.

“The symptoms that you are showing are very similar to those of the three guesses I mentioned. While coughing out blood and having chest pains are main symptoms of infections in the throat or lung area, you are showing other serious ones that are not,” he explained. “You have and are currently experiencing a loss in both weight and appetite; you have chest pain and breathing problems; not to mention you are coughing out both blood and phlegm. I’m sure there are other small symptoms you didn't notice as well.”

Taehyung felt dizzy, his thoughts were all over the place. His heartbeat was picking up its pace, and his ears were ringing irritatedly. The doctor’s words were echoed in his head, repeatedly cycling themselves in different volumes.

“Do you feel tired most of the time?” Dr. Ken asked.

Taehyung nodded, not trusting his voice.

“Are you experiencing back pain? Bone pain sometimes?”

Taehyung nodded once again in confirmation.

“I’m afraid our chances of it being an infection are very unlikely. Still, we should hope for the best and check as well.” He tried to be optimistic, “Open your mouth for me,” the doctor instructed.

Alarmed, Taehyung rapidly jumped back. He was so out of it that he didn’t notice the man approaching him. Dumbly, he opened his mouth as far as he could while holding his breath. Even while overwhelmed, his mind was screaming at him not to breathe in the doctors face.

The tongue depressor tasted weird on his tongue. As it pushed the muscle down, inconveniently, Taehyung felt his mouth water at the contact with the strange object. Momenterly, he forgot all about the possible cancer and tuberculosis eating away at him as well as the panic those names brought to him.

Instead, a new panic arose in the pit of his stomach– drooling all over the doctor. It almost happened, Taehyung felt the fat drop of saliva at the corner of his mouth, on the edge of dripping down his chin and onto the white fabric of the doctors coat. As it was about to escape the safety of his mouth, Dr. ken backed away. Taehyung was quick to swallow the mouth-full of drool, sighting in relief when nothing embarrassing happened.

“I don’t see any signs of throat infection,” he muttered, voice dripping with disappointment. Dr. Ken had wished from the bottom of his heart for it to be an infection. Infections were easier to deal with. They could be contained in a way that what damage was dealt was limited. The process of getting rid of them was short, a piece of cake. With the correct usage of the right medicine, the infection would be nonexistent.

“We’ll have to do some blood tests and an x-ray before shutting down lung infection as a possibility,” he announced. Dr. Ken’s silent prayers for it to be were unspoken, chanted in his heart quietly, a secret between him and God.

“Jinho will accompany you down to take an x-ray of your lungs. The results will take about 20 minutes to come to me. While we wait for that, Jinho will take some blood samples to send to the lab,” the doctor said to Taehyung.

“Wait, wait,” Taehyung rushed out when the nurse, Jinho, started walking towards the door. “I have so many questions,” he admitted with confusion lacing his tone.

“Of course you do,” the doctor sighed. “Ask away, and I'll answer as best as I can.”

“I have cancer?” Taehyung’s voice was small. While the doctor was looking at him, Taehyung looked even smaller.

“That I cannot answer you yet,” he replied. “The information I have is not enough for me to diagnose you.”

“So I don't have cancer?” Taehyung asked hopefully.

“You could.”

Taehyung said nothing

“Or you could not,” Dr. Ken quickly added. “I told you that I can't diagnose you yet. I lack information. After doing those tests, I'll be able to tell for sure.”

The singer nodded, “what's a pulma–pulmonary? Whatever it's called, that one, what is it?” the idol asked.

  
“Pulmonary edema. It’s when body fluids gather in the lungs causing difficulty breathing, chest pain, and other similar symptoms to what you're experiencing,” the doctor explained. “It basically means that you have water in your lungs. If that's the case we only need to pump it out and you'll be fine.”

“What do you–”

Taehyung's question was interrupted by the ringtone of the doctors phone.

“It's Sejin.” Dr. Ken breathed out glancing at the buzzing phone. “What do I tell him?” He asked.

“Nothing,” Taehyung demanded panic clear on his face. “Tell him you don't know what's wrong with me, and it's nothing serious, probably just an infection.”

“Hello,” the doctor said into the phone. “He just left to do some tests,” he lied. “I still haven't diagnosed him, but it looks like an infection, nothing serious.” Something was said on the other end of the line that had the doctor laughing. “You worry too much, Sejin,” he teased. “Just let him rest his lungs, he can sing but nothing too demanding.” He nodded to whatever Sejin said, giving the manager a low hum of agreement. “Yes, yes, I'll see you later.”

Dr. Ken looked hesitant, mentally debating something before quickly calling, “Sejin, please don't ask me about my patient’s medical wellbeing again. You know the rules. If you want to know, you'll have to ask Mr. Kim himself.” He locked eyes with a shaken Taehyung.

The phone call ended soon after both speakers bid their goodbyes. “I hate this,” the doctor muttered right when the line died.

“It's for the best,” Taehyung replied apathetically. He stood up and followed the nurse as he walked out of the room.

“Is it?” The older man wondered.

“We'll see,” Taehyung said as the door closed behind the younger pair.

Once they both were out of the room, Teahyung excused himself to make a quick phone call himself. He walked to a corner out of earshot of Jinho and away from the buzzing mumbles of other patients. He took his phone out, ignoring the countless missed calls and unread messages from Sejin and the members. His hand shook as he looked for a certain contact number, he missed the name twice before finally finding it. In his shaken state, he almost called the wrong person but thankfully saved himself the embarrassment.

He didn't have to indore the nerve wracking ring for long, because after the third beep Taehyung was able to hear his voice.

“Taehyung-ah.”

“Bogum hyung.” Taehyung replied half heartedly. The fake enthusiasm in his voice didn't reach the genuine excitement in the actors tone.

“I was just about to call you,” the older confessed. Taehyung could hear shuffling on the other side. Bogum was probably putting his coat on because Taehyung could make out faint voices bidding the actor goodbye.

“You were?” he asked absentmindedly, eyes following the people passing him by.

“Yes, I just finished shooting for the day. I was planning to come and get you right after. However, my last scene was,” there was a pause, ''messy,” he chuckled out. “I'll have to stop home and wash up really quickly. Do you mind waiting or do you want me to send someone to get you?”

“I–”

“You can hang around until I'm done, or maybe by the time you get here, I'll be ready to head out, so we can just take off from my apartment,” Bogum suggested.

“Hyung... about that,” Taehyung whispered as he felt the guilt creep up on him. Bogum hummed on the other end, letting the younger know he had his full attention.

“Is it too late to cancel? I know I was the one bugging you about meeting up, but I'm not done yet at the hospital, and it seems I won't be anytime soon.”

“What? Are you okay?”

Taehyung didn't know what to do with the pure worry that was evident in the actor’s voice. It warmed his heart while simultaneously breaking it at the same time because he did not deserve the sentiment.

“I'm fine; don't worry hyung.”

“Taehyung...” There was an edge to his voice now, a warning. Don't lie to me.

“I don't know what's wrong yet, it looks like nothing serious. The doctor says it might be an infection–” he choked out. “I might not be able to sing for a while,” he confessed.

“Oh, Taehyung,” Bogum breathed out. This is what he hated, this is what he didn't want: the pity everyone was going to have for him when they find out. “I'm sorry, do you want me to come to you? I don't mind I can keep you company.”

“No, it's fine. They're taking me to do some tests to be sure. I'll be dragged all around the hospital, so you don't need to come, hyung. I'm alright; I'm just sad we'll have to cancel our plans.” Taehyung said. He peaked a glance at the nurse waiting for him just to find Jinho already looking at him. Taehyung blushed and looked away, a new guilt rose in him for keeping the other boy waiting.

“I understand. Don't worry, Taehyung-ah! We can meet up another time,” Bogum promised while trying to sound positive to lift the younger’s spirits.

“Thank you, hyung, for understanding,” Taehyung said sincerely.

“Don't mention it. I'll leave you to your tests then. Keep me updated.”

“Bogum hyung... before you go...” Taehyung called out.

“Yeah.”

“Can you please not tell anyone that I cancelled with you? I don't want them to worry about something that hasn’t even been confirmed yet,” Taehyung pleaded desperately.

“Taehyung-ah, I thought we learned a lesson from the last time we lied to Jin hyung about our whereabouts,” Bogum teased, indirectly refusing the request.

“Hyung, please,” Taehyung all but begged.

Bogum didn’t say anything for a while; he was completely silent except for the huffs of breath he let out.

“I can’t do that.” At the youngster’s whine, he quickly added on, “But what I can do is avoid him. Unless he reaches out to me, I won't mention anything.”

“That’s no help at all,” Taehyung complained. “Jin hyung checks with you at least once, and he drowns me with calls a million times!”

“Listen, Taehyung,” he started, “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but once you start lying, you can’t go back,” Bogum warned tenderly. “Please don’t drag me into something you’ll regret later.”

“I’ll see you another time,” Taehyung said curtly before ending the call abruptly. He felt bad for acting this way when his friend was only looking out for him, but he was confused and overwhelmed with no control over his emotions.

He sighed, contemplating the choices he made so far. They were right—the doctor and Bogum—he was going to regret this later. Still, it wasn’t enough to stop him. Attempting to not think about his dismal fate, he turned his phone off and shut the world out. With one less thing to think about, Taehyung made his way back to Jinho, letting the nurse lead him to the x-ray room.

The walk was extremely awkward; neither young men said a word. Taehyung wondered if part of it was because of who he was as an idol, and if the lack of conversation was Jinhos attempt to being professional. Jinho could be just shy or simply uninterested in starting a conversation. Whatever it is, Taehyung was grateful for it; he wasn’t feeling up to making small talk.

Once they got there, they had to wait for a couple of minutes until the patient inside was done. Everything went smoothly, as soon as the patient was out, Jinho rushed him inside. There he was instructed to strip and wear a hospital gown. Then, Taehyung was told to stand in front of a big weird looking machine that he has never seen before which will apparently take an x-ray of his lungs. Trying to process everything around him was giving him a headache. The photo was taken without much of a hassle and Taehyung was allowed to put his clothes back on.

  
With the x-ray out of the way, blood tests were soon following. Jinho immediately lead him to another room, where they would be taking blood samples to run some tests on. Everything was blurry for Taehyung, his mind running ahead of him that he couldn’t process what was happening around him. At some point, he and Jinho had a non awkward conversation that he couldn’t remember anything from. He recalls laughing at something the other had said while sticking a needle in his veins. When Jinho laughed at his laugh he remembers thinking it was cute. The rest was a faint memory, somewhere in his mind that he couldn’t reach.

  
“Jinho-shi” a nurse called. She was sitting on a desk with an office phone to her ear “Dr. Ken would like a word with you.”

  
“I'll be right back” Jinho excused himself, allowing another nurse take over his task as he made his way to the phone. The conversation he had with the doctor was hushed, or maybe it was the distance that made it hard for Taehyung to hear what was said. Whatever it was, the singer couldn’t make a word out of the short exchange that happened over the phone. His x-ray results must have came out because as soon as they stepped foot out of the room Taehyung was lead back the x-ray room.

  
“Dr. Ken wants you to do another one, a different type.” Jinho explained. “You’ll have to do a CT scan. Maybe MRI too.”

  
“What why?” He asked alarmed.

  
“For clarification, I think the doctor found something.”

  
With that said, Taehyung went back to undressing. He was put in other weird looking machines and scanned in different angles. He didn’t pay much attention to what was done or said to him. A part of him still couldn’t believe what was happening. Everything felt like a dream– a nightmare. Was this even real?

 

  
“Ah you're finally back.” The doctor said as soon as they walked in. “Jinho, how many blood samples did you get?”

“Three sir,” the boy replied hesitantly. He was taken back by the odd question.

  
“Is it enough to run a CBC test as well or do you need more?”

  
A look of realization appeared on the nurses face at the doctors question. He turned to look at the idol with sad eyes “yes sir,” he answered miserably.

  
“Good, go do that.” Dr. Ken instructed. “Oh– schedule a MRI scan for Mr. Kim as soon as possible. There is no opening for today.”

  
Jinho nodded leaving to carry on the task handed to him leaving an anxious Taehyung and a sad doctor behind. The air was tense, the doctor said nothing at first switching between watching Taehyung take a seat and studying the computer screen in front of him. It felt like forever before Dr. Ken broke the silence.

  
“It's not an infection, Taehyung.” He muttered helplessly.

  
“I see,” Taehyungs voice was shaky, at this point he didn't have the energy to play strong.

  
“It's not pulmonary edema either.”

  
“Oh,” the younger said “what a shame.” He chuckled wetly, eyes glassy with unshed tears.

  
“I'm sorry.” The doctor found himself saying. It wasn't his fault, he had no control over the situation but somehow he felt the need to apologize.

  
“What is it then?” Taehyung asked. He was pinching the tender skin of his wrist again. The area was already red, it was going to hurt for a while.

  
“Well, you second scan came in just now and–” he took a breath “it looks like it is lung cancer.” The older turned the screen so the idol could see what was displayed “See here–” he pointed at a spot in the black and white scan “that's the right side lung. Now compare it to the left side–” he showed the younger the other side “do you see the difference?”

  
Taehyung nodded despite not seeing anything out of the ordinary. He understood nothing from the black and white scan, it made no sense to him. As the doctor continues to point out things and explain why he thought Taehyung had lung cancer, the boy in question felt himself drift away in a sea of internal panic. The doctor kept talking for a while yet Taehyung, although comprehending the seriousness of the situation and wanting to know everything, didn't hear a thing. He was paying attention still the words spoken were too overwhelming for his brain to understand.

  
“We still need to make some more scans and wait for the blood test results to figure out at what stage you are.” The doctor explained “From what I see, it seems that you are in the early ones. The tumor is not well developed yet so eliminating it shouldn't be hard at all.” At the lack of reaction from his patient he added “That's a good thing Mr. Kim.”

  
“It is?” He asked stupidly, his mind all over the place.

  
“Of course,” Dr. Ken reassured “the lower the stage is the easier it is to overcome cancer. See here,” he pointed somewhere on the screen “that's the tumor. It's relatively small, very small if I could say so. You won't have to go through heavy chemotherapy treatment to deal with it nor cut the tumor out.” He explained trying to show the bright side.

  
Taehyung smiled weakly in reply trying to show his appreciation to the doctor. He was beyond overwhelmed at the moment, close to passing out. Perhaps sensing his troubles, the doctor ended the appointment.

“We'll talk more about it later okay?” He suggested “I'll let you know when your appointment for the MRI scan will be. By that time your test results will be out and I can explain everything in detail. I'm still under informed with your condition but I am completely positive you have lung cancer.”

  
Taehyungs memory got foggy after that, he didn't remember much. He doesn't recall how they both bid each other goodbye or how he made it out of the hospital. The only thing he remembers is walking all around the city streets, he walked and walked until the sky went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So did you survive? That was evil of me, I know! Did you like it? Please let me know what you think. I really struggled with this one. It was mentally hard to write it down!


	19. Announcement

 

Hello everyone, I know you're all dying for the next chapter and I understand your frustration at me right now for not posting it, I'm sorry. I'm working on it, I swear. Next chapter will be a filler, a little insight on what's going on with the rest of the members while Taehyungie deals with his doctor appointment. For now, let's put that aside and talk about something really important for me personally, if you follow my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/V03662245) you already know this, if you don't they you're about to find out.

 

I am starting a challenge for writers of this fandom. The challenge, Sing Me Your Heart, is a lyric challenge where participants will receive a random song verse or lyric and they'll have to write a ficlet or a one-shot inspired by the lyric given to them within 24 hours of receiving them. I created the challenge to inspire other writers, provide more diverse and fresh content, and crate a fun and rewarding experience for both writers and readers of the BTS fandom. Using song lyrics, the challenge aims to fire the imagination of writers and motivate them to create beautiful art.The purpose of the challenge is to promote creativity and challenge writers in a fun and friendly game. Using this challenge I hope to break the writers routine, give them a breather from the stories they're writing to refresh their minds, and encourage interaction between writers themselves and readers. Sing Me Your Heart is a fun, spontaneous and exciting Fic Fest made especially to create an extraordinary kind of art; turning words of a song into beautiful stories from writers imagination. Within this challenge, hopefully, writers can find inspiration to write and create wonderful stories with a little push of an exciting challenge. You can find more information about this on the challenge official [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fic_fest) account or you can contact me on bangtanlyricsficfest@gmail.com if you have any questions. If any of you are interested in taking part please contact me.

The rules for this Fic Fest are simple:

  1. Whatever the writer chooses to write has to either contain the lyrics themselves as a part of the dialogue or simply inspired by the lyrics.
  2. The work can be for any pairing of the members of their choosing.
  3. The work has to be minimum 500 words with no maximum limit.
  4. When the writer post their work (in a collection on AO3 made especially for the challenge) they have to put the lyric that was given to them at the top of the post and then the work following underneath it.
  5. The event will be going on for the entire month of August 2019, within this month writes can take part as many times as they want.
  6. The same lyrics will not be distributed to everyone; However, the same song maybe be used more than once. Keep in mind that the given lyrics will not be strictly BTS songs.
  7. If anyone fails to finish the challenge within the 24 hours, the writer can still post the work under the same conditions however they’ll will have to state that they didn’t not complete the challenge successfully!
  8. Have fun and remember, this is all about enjoying yourselves!



 

I'm working so hard to make this happen, I mad posters (I can't figure out a way to post them here) and contacted other writers on Twitter trying to make the announcement go around and spread the word but I can't do this alone, I need help. I hate to ask this of you but can you guys please help me with spreading the word? Retweeting the announcement is more than enough. I really want this to work, its a small little project but it means a lot to me. I'm doing my best to do this alone not bother the people around me but I'm literary a nobody in a sea of 20.8 million other fans and no matter how loud I scream this, how many times I retweet it and how many writers I contact, I can't do this alone. I would really appreciate your help, thank you for your time!

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comment and kudos!


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